The Reading List(107)

Mukesh looked up at Aleisha as though for the first time, as though taking in her face inch by inch, the envelope in one hand, the list in the other. Aleisha smiled, tapped her friend on the shoulder, and walked away.

As she crossed the road, she saw a young man standing ahead of her, leaning against a wall. For the briefest moment, she thought it was Aidan, his face turned into a smile – especially for her.





THE READING LIST


NAINA


2017


NAINA HAD DROPPED THE last list off; it was sitting under the copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. She hoped Chris might read it – it was completely different to the crime thrillers he usually read, but she thought something new might help him. He was hurting now. But books, they had the power to heal.

The library books were stacked on her bedside table. Her final library reading list. They were all her favourite books, the books she had grown up with, the books that had found her at the right time, that had given her comfort when she needed it, had given her an escape, an opportunity to live beyond her life, an opportunity to love more powerfully, a chance to open up and let people in. And now she had read them all once more, for the very last time.

Priya had been the one to suggest she leave a reading list behind. ‘Ba, one day I’d like a list of your favourite books. You are the best book person I know.’ She’d said it just in passing, as children often do, but the idea had stayed with Naina. She knew she was leaving – but she wanted to give something back. To Wembley. To the people who loved her. And the books had given her so much. Well, it was time to pass them on. She hoped that the lists would find their way into willing hands and hearts – in the supermarket, at the bus stop, in the library, at the yoga studio, in the community garden – and brighten them, even if just for a moment. With Indira’s list, she knew she couldn’t just give it to her directly – Indira was proud, she would laugh at the idea, discard it as soon as she was alone. It was maybe a silly idea leaving it in Indira’s shoe rack, all crumpled up. But she was trusting fate to do the work for her. She hoped Indira would find her way to the books, maybe even to the library.

Now there was just one list left to give. And she knew who this one belonged to: Mukesh. He had never been a reader, but she hoped, after she left, he might start to wonder what all the fuss had been about for her. She didn’t want him to be lonely, and he had a tendency to cut himself off from the outside world when he was sad. This way, she thought, if he did that, he might find some company elsewhere. Within the pages. He might find something to inspire him to meet new people, try new things, he might find some words of wisdom too.

She pulled out a piece of her letter writing paper – this was her umpteenth attempt. Despite all the books she’d read in her lifetime, finding the words to say I love you, to the person she had spent the happiest years of her life with, seemed to be the hardest thing in the world.

She took a deep breath and began, her tears already blotting the paper.

Mukesh,

I’ve started this letter ten, twenty times and I never know quite what I want to say. Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for being my friend, my soul mate, for all our fifty years. I am so happy we found each other and raised our family. I am proud of the life we built. It has been small but it has been full of love. You have made it so.

I want you to know you will be okay without me. But push yourself, Mukesh, challenge yourself every day. Speak to someone new. Do something different. Teach our children about our lives before them, and look after them, and don’t be afraid to let them look after you. Little Priya is shy – I found reading books with her helped her open up to me. I would love for you to try that too. She wants to be closer to you. And I want that for you both.

Find peace with yourself. I know you are angry, I know you are hurting. But my cancer is nobody’s fault. Sometimes this is just the way life goes. If you are reading this letter, then I am gone, and the next part of your life is about to begin. Enjoy it, it should be just as special as the time we had together.

Be kind, be caring, be yourself, Mukesh. You are the most wonderful person I could ever have known. Don’t be scared to love again if it finds you, and know I would be happy for you if you do, and remember, you can find family in the most unexpected places, and family will always find you.

All my love,

Naina x

P.S. These are the books that brought me closer to myself, that helped shape me and my world – I hope they’ll bring you light and joy and, if you ever miss me, you’ll find me within their pages. I love you.

P.P.S. I think Priya would love the books too – but maybe when she’s a little bit older.



As she started to tuck the list into the envelope, with the letter, she heard Mukesh’s footsteps plodding down the stairs. She hurriedly sat on the envelope and tucked her pen away in the bedside table.

‘Naina,’ Mukesh popped his head round. ‘Would you like some chai?’

‘Ha, that would be lovely,’ Naina replied. Mukesh tiptoed away as Naina hurriedly pulled the envelope out from under her bottom. It was all crumpled and creased. She sighed, and tucked it into the back of A Suitable Boy. If any book could flatten out a letter, it was that one.

‘Packet chai okay with you?’ Mukesh called.

‘Of course. My favourite,’ Naina said.