The Reading List(100)

Her phone rang in her palms: Rachel.

‘What’s this about a library get-together? Tomorrow? First I’ve heard of it, why didn’t you tell us?’

‘What?’

‘Just saw your story.’

‘You’re quick!’

‘Social media is my job, it’s my job to be quick.’

‘Oh, it’s like a community morning thing. Mr P, you know from the library, he suggested doing it for Aidan.’

‘I love that idea. Do you want to tell your mum? She’s here.’

Aleisha went silent. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what Leilah would think. Would she laugh at it? Worse, would she say nothing at all?

‘Okay,’ Aleisha said, her heart starting to pound. She took a deep breath. ‘Mum?’

There was silence on the other end of the line. ‘Mum?’

‘Leish, sorry, your mum had to go back up to bed. I’ll tell her later, okay?’ Rachel’s voice was quivering; Aleisha could hear her nerves.

‘Sure, thanks, Rachel.’

Aleisha hadn’t been expecting anything – she’d never expected anything at all.

‘I have managed to get rid of ninety-nine flyers, Aleisha!’ Mr P gabbled down the phone.

‘Wow, that’s so great, Mr P.’ Aleisha tried to inject enthusiasm into her voice. ‘I thought you might have got bored and just chucked them in the bin.’

‘Absolutely not! I even put a flyer up in my front window – I actually kept forgetting it was there so when my old nosy neighbours come past and try to read it, I get very, very scared wondering what they are doing looking so closely through my window!’ She’d never heard him so energized before.

‘Mr P, you’re a joker.’

‘No, I’m being serious! I keep preparing myself to shout, “Get off my property!” Anyway, it must be a good advertising spot – I’m very proud! Do you have any flyers left?’

‘Some, yeah, I guess I’d better take them out tonight.’ She bit her lip.

‘Absolutely! It’s tomorrow now. There’s no time to waste.’

As Aleisha hung up, she sat back on her sofa, next to her cousin, watching her uncle Jeremy with her mum. They hadn’t mentioned the Big Library GetTogether again that afternoon. When Aleisha had come back from her shift, Rachel had muttered, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring it up with her. You know. Didn’t want to step on any toes.’

Uncle Jeremy had made his famous lamb stew even though it was really too hot to eat it today. Aleisha had devoured it anyway, and now they were all sitting in the same room trying to digest it.

It had been so long since they had been all together in one room as a family. Aidan would have loved to be here, but if he were around he would have played it cool, maybe gone out for a drink with his friends first.

No, she told herself sharply, she was misremembering him. For Aidan, family always came first. This would have come first.

‘I’ve got to put out the last flyers,’ Aleisha said to her cousin, and tapped the pile that sat between them on the sofa. ‘Want to come?’

Rachel tapped her stomach in response. ‘Babe, I honestly don’t think I can move.’

Aleisha rolled her eyes, jokingly. ‘Come on, walk it off.’ Her eyes actually said: ‘I really need to get out of here.’

‘Yes, great idea, Aleisha. Go on, Rach,’ Uncle Jeremy said, warmly. Leilah smiled weakly in agreement.

The two young women walked down the street, in silence at first. ‘Are you doing okay?’ Rachel asked, and Aleisha could see her cousin’s eyes were teary.

Aleisha took a moment to answer. She focused her eyes on the flyers. The Big Library GetTogether, it said, in Zac’s fancy bubble writing.

‘I’m doing okay, yeah,’ she murmured. ‘I miss him, but that’s normal.’

Rachel took a moment to reply too. ‘He was the best. It just doesn’t feel real, it’s impossible.’

‘It doesn’t make sense,’ Aleisha echoed on autopilot, replaying the conversations she’d had the day of Aidan’s funeral. Shutting her brain off from the emotion for as long as she could.

They walked in silence again, until Aleisha felt her heart start to race. This kept happening recently. She knew in a moment she’d feel breathless. ‘You take these,’ she said, handing Rachel a wad of flyers, ‘and post them on this side. I’ll go to the other side of the street and post them there. Any house, unless it really doesn’t look lived in.’

Rachel shrugged, and Aleisha crossed the road, relieved, taking deep breaths. She slowed down, feeling as though she might collapse at any moment.

In one house she could hear a dog barking, and she reversed as quickly as she could, nearly tripping over the fence. Her breathing quickened again, and she looked over the road. Rachel was posting some flyers and hadn’t even noticed her cousin drowning in the searing, summer air.

She took a deep breath. She didn’t know what to do. She thought of Leilah, hiding away, keeping the truth from everyone. She was scared, she didn’t want to reveal too much of herself. But she knew she needed help, Aidan had needed help, they all did. And Rachel, Rachel had been her best friend, once. And she missed her. She wanted her back. She crossed back over the road, her heartbeat slower now, the sweat on her brow evaporating almost immediately in the heat, and she linked arms with her cousin.