The Rabbit Girls(63)

‘Can I ask, how long have you been alone?’

‘My husband died five years ago,’ Eva says.

‘Do you have children?’

‘My husband had two daughters before we were married: Renka – who has Jeffrey, whom you met, and Clotilde . . .’ Eva swallows hard. ‘I am a grandmother three times over.’

‘Are you close with your daughters?’

‘Well, Renka fled with Jeffrey so long ago it’s been hard to keep in touch, and . . . Clotilde . . .’ Eva changes the subject. ‘How did the transfer go?’

‘Dad’s in the hospital, he didn’t make it to the hospice. He’s sick.’

‘Oh no, Miriam, I am sorry. What is wrong?’

‘Pneumonia. I saw him last night, he was stable. But I’d like to give him that closure, to find out what happened to Frieda.’

They eat in the dining room, the letters at one end of the table and them at the other. The rain taps gently at the window as they eat in silence. Miriam’s thoughts twist and jump around, but she finds the more she eats, the calmer her mind, and she focuses on the meal.

‘Wine?’ Eva offers, and pours herself half a glass.

‘No thanks, I . . . I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

‘Because of them?’ And she nods to the door.

‘Yes, I had a drink, well, more than one, and Dad got sick, so now it proves I’m unstable. And Axel, well, he enjoys that. It’s bait for him really.’

‘Fuck ’em.’

Miriam laughs, unsure if it’s her laugh itself or Eva’s expletive that surprises her, she laughs more.

‘What?’

Miriam laughs all the harder.

After the plates are empty, Miriam stands.

‘The food was lovely, Eva, thank you. It’s nice to eat with someone. I always eat alone.’ She collects the dinner plates and they both walk into the kitchen.

‘Always?’

‘Yes. When I was with Axel I was always too nervous to eat. It’s hard to eat nervous, so I would eat before he came home or after he went out in the evenings.’

‘Your husband sounds like a tyrant,’ Eva says. ‘The things you said the other day.’

‘Please ignore me, I was being dramatic.’

‘No. Actually I’ve been thinking,’ Eva says.

‘Please, Eva. Not today. I can’t talk about it.’ She feels her dinner contract in her stomach.

‘Okay,’ Eva says. ‘I don’t know very much about you other than Axel. Tell me, what was your father like?’

She smiles and speaks uncensored. ‘He was wise. Smart. In the best of ways, not just intelligent, but he knew his own heart and he was so honest. I loved him.’

Eva gulps.

‘I just said loved. Past tense.’

‘Yes.’

Miriam takes a deep breath. ‘I love my father, but all I have are memories of when I was a different person and now I know he was there, all the memories seem to change.’ She sighs. ‘I haven’t spoken to him in so long.’

‘From what I can see, you have been busy fighting your own demons. Your father will know that.’

‘I’ve missed so much.’

‘Will you divorce Axel?’ Eva asks, running water into the sink.

‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

‘Why?’

‘He would go mad. He’s silent scary, if you know what I mean.’

‘He’s dangerous?’

‘Yes. He makes me think I am completely mad and the trouble is everyone else believes him. I even missed Mum’s funeral because of his lies, I only got there for the wake.’

‘How do you know he was lying?’

‘I just knew. That was three years ago. When I got the call that Dad was in hospital . . . I couldn’t allow that to happen again. Mum had Dad, but Dad has no one.’

‘You love your father very much,’ Eva says solemnly. ‘And by being here, that takes courage.’

‘No, I was with Axel for over twenty years, I am very, very stupid. I believed him. It’s only now that I can see he is lying, but it’s easy to get drawn back into that. And the more resistance I put up the worse he’ll be.’

‘That’s why no divorce?’

‘Yes, if I fight it’ll be hell.’

‘What about now?’ Eva turns from the washing up, soap suds up to her elbows.

‘What do you mean?’ Miriam picks up a towel and starts to dry the crockery that drips bubbles.

‘Do people believe you or him?’

‘Him. Always him. If you met him you’d believe him too.’

‘Never. This man, I’d see him.’

‘Keeping as far away from him as possible is my plan.’

‘But maybe you can fight back?’

Miriam says nothing as they work quietly, clearing the kitchen in a calm silence of solitude and company combined.

‘Shall we call a taxi? To go to the church?’ Eva says.

‘Oh yes, I almost forgot.’ And Miriam scrambles around getting ready.

‘I’d have driven, but my car . . .’

‘Jeff said it wasn’t working?’

‘No, it’s still not fixed. Garage don’t want to touch it until the New Year now.’