The Perfect First (Fulton U, #1)(7)

Anger at my dad and Alexa—and myself—boiled in my veins. Maybe there was an easier way, something that would kill a few birds with one stone. I could do something completely out of character, as staying in character hadn’t done me any favors. I needed to get proactive. If I wanted to finally start living, I needed to jump-start my life.

Clicking the link to the personals, I opened a new anonymous topic. Friends Needed. My finger jammed into the backspace key. How stupid did that sound? Pathetic. Go big or go home, Seph. Preferably big because going home as the exact same person I’d left as would be beyond depressing.

The front door to the apartment opened and Alexa’s squeal indicated that her boyfriend, Dan, had in fact arrived.

His heavy footsteps down the hallway were accompanied by the sounds of them pawing at each other. I braced myself. Within minutes they were usually banging against the wall like we were in the middle of a blackout and their bodies would provide echolocation to escape the building.

“Hey, Seph,” he shouted while passing my open door. I ducked my head. Alexa’s muffled voice didn’t hide her displeasure. He was the only person who called me Seph.

With my fingers poised on top of my keyboard, Dan and Alexa’s sounds blared through the thin wood of her door. I jumped up and closed mine. I banged my head against it and then stared at the computer screen.

Dan and Alexa were right back on that horse, riding it until its dying breath. Closing the door hadn’t helped. If anything, the wood was conducting the sound straight into my brain. Pushing off the door, I walked back over to my computer.

The loneliness that hit when I was around people was worse somehow than when I was all alone. When there were other people in my vicinity, my lungs burned like I was drowning right in front of them and no one cared. I had no one, and I was tired of it.

Forget friends—I wanted more. I wanted to grab hold of this short lease on life I had, and I might as well go for it, right? I wouldn’t start small and work my way up; there was no time for that.

I’d go big, go so big that everything else would seem tiny by comparison.

So big it would erase that fear I had of never knowing what it’s like to feel free.

I’d make it a first I wouldn’t ever forget.

Maybe if I just did it, jumped in with both feet, I could finally get a taste of what I’d been looking for and things would change. It wouldn’t feel so mind-meltingly scary.

Taking a deep breath, I sat back down in my chair.

By the end of this semester, I am not going to be a virgin.

I didn’t have time to wait around to bump into someone at a coffee shop or follow the “normal” protocol for dating. It had been two months and I hadn’t even made a friend yet; how was I supposed to find a boyfriend? No, that was out. The countdown clock was ticking. I didn’t have time to find someone to fall in love with. I had seven months to live the life of a “normal” college student. It was now or never.

Staring at the screen, I typed it out. Would you like to be my first?

I made my post as clear as possible. Searching for a fellow student, preferably a junior or senior to assist me with losing my virginity. A complete questionnaire and background would be required. I set the time, date, and location for the interviews.

The moans from the next room sent me diving for my wireless headphones. I turned them on and stared back at the screen. Mozart helped drown out the porno going on feet from my bedroom. It wasn’t even night time. Wasn’t that when people had sex? At night, under the cover of darkness after a bottle of wine?

I paced and stared at the screen before pulling out a notepad to jot down my pros and cons list for doing this.

Pros: Lose virginity; Finally know what sex is like; Enjoy part of the college experience/adulthood; Go against what my parents would want; Do something on my own terms; Live.

Cons: Might not live up to expectations; Might catch a disease; Might get pregnant.

Slapping the notebook down on the desk, I stared at it. The cons were all things I could live with or that could be avoided by being smart and using protection, and the pros were too good to pass up. With my fingers above the enter key, I curled them back into a fist. Did I really want to do this? Did I want this to be the way I lost my virginity? Didn’t this make me a total loser?

It wasn’t like I had many options during my short timeframe other than randomly asking guys on the street. At least this way had a vetting process. Setting my finger on the enter key, I stared back at what I’d written. It probably came across as desperate and insane, and likely no one would answer it.

A hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped, inadvertently hitting the key. Panic shot straight up my throat like I’d swallowed a bug. The page reloaded and a big Submitted blinked back at me. What have I done? Ripping my headphones off, I spun around in my chair.

“Your phone has been going off non-stop for, like, ten minutes.” A sweaty, slightly out of breath Dan stood in my room with a sheet wrapped around his waist. He shook my phone at me. My gaze was locked on his bare chest. “Earth to Seph.” He waved the glowing screen in front of my face.

“Sorry.” I grabbed it out of his hand, fumbling it and nearly dropping it on the floor.

“It’s okay. Alexa just gets annoyed when anything distracts me.” He left the room, closing the door behind him. A tiny bit of the sheet got caught in the gap under the door and zipped out from under it as he went back into Alexa’s room.