The Perfect First (Fulton U, #1)(19)

I ran my finger over my thumb and stared down at my hands. Direct hit, Reece. “I don’t have any friends.” That had been a crushing realization a few days earlier, and it sucked even more now. My college career was off to a seriously depressing start.

“I can see why.”

I didn’t realize I’d made a sound, but I must have. Reece glanced up from the menu and his eyes widened. He started shaking his head immediately.

“I didn’t mean that, not like that—not like something’s wrong with you.” He ran his hand over his face. “Do you really not have any friends? Like none?”

Gathering up my bag, I slung the strap over my head. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry I made you come. I’m sure you have a lot of other things you could be doing right now.” I fought to keep my voice from cracking. Why did it hurt so much, like a sawing in my chest? I’d never felt like this back home. Glimmers of light surrounded by the dull monotony was what I was used to. Not this.

Reece grabbed my hand, pinning it to the table. “Seph, wait. I didn’t mean it like that. It was my attempt at a joke and it didn’t work. I’d really like to have lunch with you. Please don’t go.”

His pulse pounded against the top of my hand. The shooting sparks I wanted to blame on static electricity shot up my arm. Whenever he touched me, it was the same thing. I dragged my gaze from the table top with my hand sandwiched under his.

He stared into my eyes. Sincerity shone in his, sincerity and concern. His thumb ran over the spot on my hand where my thumb met the rest of my fingers, a slow steady motion, like how you’d pet a scared puppy to soothe it.

I didn’t want his pity. Dropping back down into the seat, I slowly lifted the strap of my bag back over my head.

“How can you not have any friends? Really?”

I shrugged.

“Friends from home? High school? Since you’ve gotten here?”

I stared down at the table, running my fingers over the dated wood. It had dents and nicks that had been lacquered over, giving the table an old yet still new feeling.

“Making friends is hard when you’re homeschooled, and not the kind of homeschooled where your parents work with other parents to make sure you still have normal childhood experiences. I was homeschooled all by myself. Tutors were brought in. No extracurricular activities that were purely for socialization. Once I was beyond high school, I took college classes. My mom or dad would attend with me, sitting right beside me.” I glanced up at him. “It’s hard to make friends when you’re four to five years younger than everyone else and your parents are right there. Four or five years doesn’t matter much when you’re in your 20s, but when you’re fourteen and everyone else is nineteen, that’s a big difference.”

“That had to be tough.” The pity train had pulled into the station.

I shrugged. “There are worse things.”

“You didn’t get to hang out with other kids your own age, ever?”

“Sometimes, my mom would take me to the park. She’d let me play there if my dad was traveling. If I finished my work quickly enough, I’d get to go to my room, and I had some dolls my aunt gave me. That was about it.”

“Damn, that blows.” He sat back in his seat, looking like I’d just told him I’d been locked in a basement for most of my life.

“Don’t feel bad for me. I got to do a lot of amazing things. I’ve traveled the world with my parents. They want what’s best for me.”

“But you didn’t get to have friends or hang out with kids your own age.”

My latest sex-ile from my apartment came rushing back to me. “I’m learning that maybe I don’t want to hang out with everyone my own age. My roommate is….” I searched my brain for something other than a bitch. “Difficult, but I’m determined to tackle everything on my list, and I’m not going to let anything stop me.”

“Tell me more about this list.”

The server came back and asked for our orders. I’d been waiting to try these for a while. “Chili cheese fries, bacon cheeseburger, and a milkshake.”

Reece’s mouth hung open, and he and the server exchanged glances.

“What?” I handed over the menu.

“Two grilled chicken breasts, broccoli and asparagus instead of the fries, and a water.”

I raised an eyebrow at him as he handed the menu back.

“I’ve already beat my body up enough this weekend. I need to treat it right. Tell me what else is on your list.”

Pulling my notepad out of my bag, I flipped to the page even though I’d memorized it already. “You already know number one on the list, but I’ve also got: eat dessert for dinner, stay up all night watching cartoons, go skinny-dipping, go to a college party, get drunk.” I rattled off a few other things. “It’s a lot to get done and not much time to do it.”

“Why do you feel like you have to do all this in seven months? You have the rest of your life to do those things.”

“Tomorrow’s never guaranteed. We have no idea what the future will hold, so why not cram in as much life as possible while I can? At the end of the school year, my dad is probably going to pull some strings to get me into the PhD program at Harvard.”

“You don’t sound happy about that.”