The Passenger (The Passenger, #1)(99)

It was a cold Friday evening when he pulled into Black River Falls. He stayed at a cheap motel out on the highway and in the morning he was at Stella Maris by ten oclock.

The nurse took his name and looked up at him. Are you a relative?

No Mam. I’m just a friend.

I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, she said. But Helen passed away. About a year ago.

He looked off down the hallway. That’s all right. Is there someone else I could see?

That’s all right?

I’m sorry. I didnt mean it like that. What about Jeffrey?

She put down the pen and looked up at him. You’re her brother.

Yes.

She studied him. In his logging clothes and his homemade haircut. Then she pushed back the chair and got up.

You’re not going to have me thrown out are you?

No. Of course not.

Did you know my sister?

No. But I know who she was.

When she came back she led him down the hall to the dayroom. The same faint smell of urine and disinfectant. She held the door for him.

You can sit over there by the window. I’ll just be a minute.

When she came back she was holding the door for Jeffrey. He was in a wheelchair. Western stood up. He wasnt sure why. Jeffrey wheeled his way across the linoleum and turned the chair slightly and looked up at him. Western held his hand out but Jeffrey only put his elbow in his palm and cranked it up and down a couple of times and looked over his shoulder at the nurse. She turned to go and Jeffrey looked at Western. Take your seat, he said.

He did so. They waited. It was only when the nurse had cleared the room that Jeffrey turned the chair and studied Western more closely. You dont look all that well, he said.

I’ve been better.

I thought you might be dead.

No. It hasnt come to that. How are you?

I just thought that if you werent dead you should have said so.

I’m sorry.

Maybe yes maybe no. I suppose you’ve come to talk about Alicia.

I just wanted to see the place. A last time.

You’re dying.

No. But I’m going away.

How far?

Pretty far.

All right. That’s understandable. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.

What happened to you?

I got run over by a car. Okay?

I’m sorry.

Yeah. Me too. Hit and run.

Did they find the driver?

Did who find the driver?

Anybody.

You’ll have to be more specific. I’m bipolar. Among other things. Me and Amundsen.

I dont think he reached the North Pole.

No. But he flew over it. You seem to have trouble getting to the point.

I just knew you were friends, that’s all.

Me and Amundsen.

Well. No. Actually I know. Well, she had a lot of friends.

Still, in the end she didnt get what she wanted, did she. Pretty much like the rest of us.

What was it she wanted?

Come on.

No. I dont know.

She wanted to disappear. Well, that’s not quite right. She wanted not to have ever been here in the first place. She wanted to not have been. Period.

Did she tell you that?

Yes.

You believed her.

I believed pretty much everything she said. Didnt you?

Do you believe in an afterlife?

And she said I dont believe in this one. Right?

Jeffrey dug a small pair of binoculars out from somewhere in his robe and leaned and scanned the lawn.

The world must be composed at least half of darkness, he said. We talked about that.

Do you miss her?

What, are you nuts?

What do you see over there?

Some green polka-dot lizards. Quite a few in the woods over there. Big fuckers.

Really.

Maybe not like you of course. But sure I miss her. Who wouldnt? I thought she’d be safe here. She wasnt. She should have told me. I’d have gone with her.

Would you really?

In a heartbeat.

But she didnt tell you.

No. Not that it was a forbidden subject or anything.

Do you remember anything that she said about it?

I dont know. I never thought that it was all that big a deal with her. She said one time that just because the world was spinning didnt mean that you couldnt get off. There’s an owl in those trees over there.

What kind?

I dont know. I cant see it. Just the crows. I thought that she was a perfect person. Pretty much a perfect person.

I didnt like it that she swore.

Yeah? I did. You know what I liked?

No. What?

To see her meet someone for the first time—preferably some smartass—and they would be looking at this blonde child standing there and literally within minutes they’d be swimming for their lives. That was fun.

Did she ever talk to you about the little friends that used to visit her?

Sure. I asked her how come she could believe in them but she couldnt believe in Jesus.

What did she say?

She said that she’d never seen Jesus.

But you have. If I remember.

Yes.

What did he look like?

He doesnt look like something. What would he look like? There’s not something for him to look like.

Then how did you know it was Jesus?

Are you jacking with me? Do you really think that you could see Jesus and not know who the hell it was?