The Passenger (The Passenger, #1)(80)

Is that who you’ve come to visit?

Yes. It is.

He bent and wrote her name in the ledger. A woman came and walked with him down the hall.

She was sitting in a chair by the window dressed in a flowered smock. She smiled at him and he told her who he was and the smile did not change. She reached and took his hand and she wouldnt give it up again. He pulled up the other chair and sat. I knew who you were, she said. Directly I saw you at the door. She’s been so much on my mind. I’ve sat here so many times and I tried to think how to touch her in some way. I didnt know what it was that I wanted her to do. But here you are.

How did she know? To send me.

I dont know. I always thought that there must have been something that told her things but I never asked her. I didnt think it would be something I should ask her. But it didnt make any difference. You always knew that you could depend on her.

They went down to the cafeteria and had coffee and pie. They sat at a table by the window. Outside a few people were walking the grounds. The first warm days. The trees still bare. Her skin was like paper. Eyes so pale. She sat at his left and ate with her left hand. Her right hand still holding his. Her forearm drawn and thin and blue.

You’re not supposed to feed them but of course we do. There was one that was just coal black that I had a particular fondness for. He bit me one day. Just a nip on the finger. I didnt tell anybody. I told Alicia because I wanted her to keep a lookout for him and tell me how he was doing. I wasnt mad at him. But she never could find him. I used to watch for him down here when I came down but I never did see him again. I think maybe a cat got him.

Squirrels.

Squirrels. Yes. You dont mind do you?

No.

That’s good. I’ve got to where I pretty much dont worry about what people mind or what they dont. Alicia was always good about it. She’d hold my hand forever.

She was good about a lot of things.

I was happy for her when she left but I didnt know I would miss her so much. I should have. When she came back I thought that maybe she wouldnt be leaving again anymore and I felt bad about that. I guess I felt guilty about that.

You felt guilty?

You know. Because I was glad she was here. And I knew I shouldnt be glad about that.

Why did you think she wouldnt be leaving?

I just knew.

She told you?

Sort of.

She could have been wrong.

The old woman turned and smiled at him and then looked out the window again. The first time I ever saw her was one morning and she was in the dayroom. She was just sitting there by herself so I went over and sat next to her and I wanted to talk to her but she was so young and I didnt know what to say so I asked her if she was through with the paper. She had the paper in her lap and I was trying to make her acquaintance. So I asked her if she was going to do the crossword puzzle and she said that she’d already done it. Well of course there it was. The way the paper was folded. I could see it. And I sort of smiled but I didnt say anything. Later on of course I found out that she really had done it. Just in her head. You could ask her what something was and she would know what it was. She’d know the number and everything. She’d say that’s seven down or whatever and she’d tell you what the word was. She knew what it was because she’d already worked it. It was just everyday to her.

Western looked across the cafeteria. The empty tables. The quiet midafternoon. A few teadrinkers and their charges.

Did she have any other special friends here?

I wasnt a special friend. She didnt really have any special friends. Everybody was the same to her. Even if they were mean she was still their friend.

She put their joined hands on the table and looked at them. She looked at Western.

I guess you knew that Louie died.

No, I didnt. I’m sorry.

He used to get so mad. He’d jump up and throw his wig across the room. He threw it one time and it landed at James’s feet. James was reading a magazine and it just sort of slid up under his feet and he jumped up and went to stomping it. He didnt know what it was. Or maybe he was just pretending. Alicia was very fond of him too.

Of James.

Of James. Yes. He was very concerned about the bomb. I guess I shouldnt say anything about that.

It’s all right.

He used to ask her about it. He’d sit there and take notes in his notebook. She knew all about it, of course. He’d come up with these ways to attack the bomb and she would show him why it wouldnt work and he’d go off and after a while he’d come back with something else. He had these big magnets that were supposed to keep everybody safe. Do you see that woman there?

Western looked across the room.

The one in the blue dress.

Yes.

Do you think she looks like me?

Western thought about the question. No, he said. I dont.

Well that’s a relief.

You dont like her.

Well, I just dont think she’s very nice.

I see.

Some people thought that she was my sister.

Are there any sisters in here?

There havent been in the time I’ve been here. Maybe it’s a policy, I dont know. Do you think your father was off his rocker?

Was he off his rocker?

You know. To make bombs to blow everybody up.

Well. I guess that’s a reasonable question.

He looked at the woman in the blue dress. She looked a great deal like Helen. I dont know, he said.