The Passenger (The Passenger, #1)(109)

The babies.

Yes. I dont think it has to be the here that’s wrong. It could be us. For instance. What if we’ve become something repugnant to ourselves. That’s not a happy thought, is it?

It seems an unlikely thing.

So is everything else.

Everything.

I think so. Of course, the most unlikely things arrive anyway.

Yes they do.

Did you cry when you were a baby?

As a baby. Yes.

But then you stopped.

Yes.

So what did you do then?

I didnt do anything.

You just laid there.

They thought there was something wrong with me. I would look up at them if they stuck their heads over the crib but that was about all. They’d sneak into my room at three oclock in the morning and I would just be lying there holding my feet. This went on for about two and a half years and then one day I got up and went down and got the mail.

That’s not true.

No. But something like that.

Were there other babies around?

No. Just me.

What were you thinking about?

I dont remember. Apparently I didnt take all that much interest in the world. I had a couple of stuffed toys. I would suppose that the reason infants are not more horrified at being dumped into the world is simply that their capacity for horror and fear and outrage is not all that well developed. Yet. The child’s brain the day before its birth is the same brain as the day after. But everything else is different. It probably takes them a while to accept that this thing which follows them around is them. After all, they’ve never seen it before. They have to hook up the visual to the tactile. The newborn are probably not that quick to ascribe reality to the visual. And ascribing reality is pretty much what they’re being called upon to do.

What do they think the visual is?

They dont know. The womb is as black as it gets. I think when they close their eyes they might even imagine they’ve gone back. Or they hope. They need the respite. I’m sorry. I’m just thinking out loud.

I do that all the time.

But you think that they just dont want to be here.

I think after a while they want to hold someone responsible. It’s what you learn when you learn about the world. Of course things can simply happen on their own. It’s just that it’s unusual.

You think we’re disposed to look for someone to blame when things dont go well.

Yes. Dont you? If there’s no one to blame how can you have justice?

I guess I hadnt thought of it like that.

If you’d never been anyplace before and you didnt know where it was that you were going or why it was that you were going there then how excited would you be about going?

Not very I suppose.

Babies early on come to believe that all the things that are happening to them are the work of others otherwise what are the others there for? Isnt that worth crying about?

Why cant they just be wet? Or hungry?

They can. But these are normally just things that you complain about and not things over which you scream in agony.

Maybe they just dont know the difference yet. My guess is that the reason they wail all the time is that they’ve been allowed to get away with it. Evolutionarily. If you want to eat a baby you should understand that they are watched over twenty-four hours a day by creatures with long spears and large clubs. Plus you’d probably have to move some pretty big rocks.

But you stopped crying.

As a baby.

Yes.

Yes. Actually I think I got pretty quiet.

Do you cry now?

Yes. I cry now.





He went to Arnaud’s for dinner and sat sipping a chilled glass of brut champagne. He toasted Sheddan mutely. What do you say to the dead? You’ve few common interests. Your health? Should you answer their letters? They yours? When the waiter came to take the towel from the half bottle of champagne in the bucket Western waved him away.

Sir?

We like to pour our own champagne. We prefer it cold and effervescent as opposed to hot and flat. It’s just a peculiarity.

Sir?

It’s all right. I’ll pour it if you dont mind. I didnt see lobster on the menu. What do you think?

Let me see.

When he came back he said that they did have lobster and Western ordered it broiled with a baked potato with sour cream and extra butter. The waiter thanked him and moved away. Western poured his glass and screwed the bottle back into the ice.

I’m sorry, John. I should have seen this coming. I should have seen a lot of things coming. Cheers.

Against his better judgment he stopped in at the Seven Seas. Josie was at the bar. Didnt expect to see you again, she said.

How you doing?

Good. You just missed them.

You’re kidding.

Nope. About an hour ago.

Good timing. Why do you think they keep coming back? Why would they think I would be here?

I dont know. Of course I could point out that you are here. You want a beer?

No. I’m all right.

You dont look all right.

I lost some weight.

Yeah?

I look what?

I dont know.

Gaunt.

Whatever that is. You just look sort of down. Maybe just thoughtful. Moreso than usual. Which maybe aint so unusual.

A friend died.

Sorry to hear it. A good friend?

An unusual guy.