The Other Woman(91)

She laughed. ‘Don’t be silly, you’ve had more than enough on your plate and, besides, Pammie’s been great. I can’t tell you what a help she’s been, especially with my own folks being over in Ireland.’

I wasn’t aware that I was pulling a strange face but I must have been, as she said, ‘What? What’s up?’

‘Sorry, are we talking about the same woman?’ I laughed.

‘Um, yeah, I think so,’ she said, confused.

‘Pammie’s been great, has she?’ I asked. I could feel that I’d put her on guard.

‘Yeah, she has. I don’t know what I would have done without her, to be honest.’

Was this a joke? I’d imagined us arranging to meet up once she came back from honeymoon, to discuss what we were going to do about Pammie, how we were going to deal with her, together, as a team, but Kate was making it sound as if Pammie might as well be going with them.

‘What, she’s helped you, without incident?’ I asked. I couldn’t quite get my head around this.

‘Incident?’ she said. ‘I’m not sure I understand what you mean.’

‘Pammie’s helped you, genuinely helped you? Like, without judgement or comment? Without making you feel as if you were going mad?’

‘Oh, I know what you’re talking about!’ She laughed, as if she’d finally got it.

I felt myself breathe out. Thank God.

‘I honestly thought I was losing it,’ she said. ‘When I went to pick up my dress . . .’

I nodded encouragingly, spurring her on. ‘Yes?’

‘I offered my credit card, but the shop said it had already been paid for. I was like, “Er, no, I definitely need to pay”, but they wouldn’t have it. I felt like some kind of scammer when I left there with a ￡1,500 dress over my arm. I couldn’t work it out, but then when I called Pammie that afternoon, she told me it was a present from her. I honestly couldn’t believe it.’

Nor could I. I stood there open-mouthed as she went on.

‘We try and meet up every other Saturday morning, just for a coffee and a bit of brekkie. Why don’t you come along, if you have time? We know how busy you are.’

We? I couldn’t ever imagine using the word ‘we’ in a sentence about Pammie.

‘Does she ever say anything? About me, I mean?’

Kate looked perplexed. ‘In what way?’

‘Just anything. Do you talk about me? What does she say?’

‘Only that you’re doing so well with the baby. She loves Poppy.’

I nodded. ‘Great, well, give me a call once you’re back, and we can put something in the diary.’

‘Cool,’ she said, before picking up the bottom of her train and gliding off.

I looked around for Adam. It was getting late and I needed to get Poppy to bed. We’d booked a room in the hotel, just across the courtyard, but we’d barely managed to live together in the flat for the past fortnight, so I didn’t imagine that sharing a room was going to be much fun.

‘You looking for Adam?’ asked James, coming over to me.

‘Yes,’ I said bluntly.

‘The last time I saw him, he was heading outside,’ he said. ‘Probably to have a cigarette.’

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him as if he was stupid. ‘Funny, I didn’t know he smoked.’

‘There’s a lot you don’t know about him,’ he said, under his breath.

Ignoring him, I walked to the patio doors, towards the garden, but could feel him still behind me. It was dark outside and I pulled Poppy’s blanket tighter around her. The days were warm for April, but the evenings were still chilly.

There was a gaggle of revellers smoking to the left, the grounds beyond them gently lit, but Adam wasn’t there. I turned to go right, past the gargoyles at the top of the steps, and headed towards the darkness, when James pulled at my arm. ‘Why don’t you come back in? It’s cold out here.’

I shrugged him off and blindly carried on walking. I needed to create as much space between me and him as I could. I saw the entrance to the hedged maze which earlier had seen visitors pay a small fortune to enter. I didn’t know where I was going much beyond that. I could feel tears welling up, and I hugged Poppy closer in the vain hope that she’d hide them.

‘Will you just wait a minute?’ he called after me.

I turned to face him. ‘Please, James—’

I think he heard the laughter coming from within the box-hedge walls of the maze before me.

‘Look, Em, why don’t we go back inside,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s too cold out here for Poppy.’

I looked at her sleeping soundly in my arms and knew he was probably right, but I couldn’t tear myself away from the sound.

‘Ssh!’ squealed a female voice. ‘I’ve lost a shoe.’

There was more laughing.

‘Got it, got it,’ she said drunkenly.

‘Make sure you look decent,’ said a man’s voice. ‘Can’t have you going back out there with your knickers round your ankles.’

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I felt myself falling and instinctively curled myself over Poppy to protect her. I could see flashes of colour and light as I sank further into what felt like a turning kaleidoscope. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and imagined a cover over my ears, stopping me from hearing what I knew I’d just heard. I willed my brain to scramble the words so I was unable to decipher them, change the voice to one I didn’t know. I was still falling, bracing myself for the bottom, but it never came. I opened my eyes and saw James peering down at me, his arms enveloping me and Poppy.