The Other Side(50)

“You babysit?” she asks skeptically.

As if on cue, I hear footsteps making their way up the stairs and I know who it is because I’m late. When Chantal crests the stairway and comes into sight, she’s in her uniform and holding Joey in her arms. He’s fidgeting. The stiff kicks of his legs tell me he’s less than five seconds away from crying. When he’s pissed about something, his arms and legs go rigid and he pumps them like he has to wind himself up to really put on a display. She walks directly to me, ignoring Alice, and the look on her face tells me it’s been a long day and she just needs to get away for a few hours and decompress. Joey’s cry erupts and she holds him at arm’s length, facing me. He’s an offering from a tired mom.

The moment I accept him into my arms and hold him against my chest, I whisper, “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry, little man.”

He quiets immediately at the sound of my voice.

Chantal shakes her head. “Of course he calms down for you,” she mutters, but she sounds grateful. Then she looks me in the eye. “Grandma has been pretty good today and she finally finished dinner. Joey ate too, but he’s been fussy all day. He isn’t running a fever though.” She’s looking at him like she’s not sure if she should leave him or not. The guilt is taking over.

“It’s fine. Go,” I urge.

She’s staring at Joey wistfully when she nods. “I know. The diner phone number is on the fridge if you need to call me. If he gets worse or if a fever starts.” The worrier in her is making her talk fast.

“I know,” I echo.

Her eyes climb from Joey against my chest up to meet mine and they relax slightly. “I know you know.” She says it all the time, but this time she adds, “You’re the best, Toby,” and kisses me on the cheek.

I stiffen when she does because this entire situation is already awkward, and this isn’t us. It’s not what we do.

I’m stunned when her gaze bounces immediately to Alice and she says, “We haven’t been formally introduced, but I’ve seen you around. We both live on the second floor, we’re neighbors. I’m Chantal.”

Alice extends her hand in the direction of Chantal’s voice and they shake. “I’m Alice. It’s nice to meet you. How old is your son?”

“Our son is seven months.” I didn’t miss the our that began that sentence. Why is she doing this? She never acts like this.

Alice nods, but she looks stunned. She caught the our too.

Chantal smiles innocently and it looks all wrong on her. “Well, I’d better get going or I’ll be late. I’ll be home around midnight, Toby.”

I nod and the, “I know,” that accompanies it sounds sour. Chantal heard it and I don’t miss the darkening of her cheeks before she turns and walks away.

Alice waits until she hears Chantal descend every flight of stairs and walk out the front door before she whispers, “You have a baby, Toby?”

I nod, embarrassment flooding in. “Yeah,” I whisper back. This is where I lose her. People, even nice people, are watching when we make what they perceive to be mistakes. They don’t like mistakes.

“That’s a pretty big deal. Were you ever going to tell me about him?” She sounds a little annoyed, shocked—hurt? I can’t tell which. When I don’t answer, she asks a follow-up, “Are you two together? You and Chantal?”

“No,” I blurt out. Finally something I can be truthful about.

“How long were you together?” She’s still whispering and it makes my stomach ball up.

“We never were.” I sound ashamed and I’m not sure how she’s going to take that.

She nods and a short, derisive bark of laughter that isn’t laughter at all escapes. “Does she know that? Because it didn’t sound that way to me.”

I sigh because my life is a shit show. “Yes, she knows that. We had sex once—”

She cuts me off. “—You had sex once and she got pregnant?”

“Yeah. It does happen, you know? Sometimes what you think is a good choice in the moment turns into something you didn’t ask for in the end.” There’s a clip in my voice, but truer words have never been spoken. My cheeks are burning. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. “I need to get downstairs to their apartment; her grandma has Alzheimer’s and can’t be left alone.”

She nods and it softens her, but I can tell the news is bothering her. I should explain more but I can’t.

“I need to get to band practice,” she says.

“Yeah,” I agree because I’m tired, and Joey is starting to squirm in my arms.

“Yeah,” she whispers in hesitant agreement, turns, and walks away.

I can feel the judgment and I want to scream, Yes, I’m more fucked up than you could ever imagine! You should stay away from me! But, I can’t. Because I can’t stay away from her.



Mrs. Bennett has been asleep in her bedroom for three hours and Joey has been asleep in my arms for two when I hear a timid knock on their door. When I open it, Alice is standing there and I can see the apology on her face before she opens her mouth.

“Alice,” I say quietly. It’s relief and gratitude and surprise.

“I’m sorry.” I think she’s going to say more, but she stops abruptly. “Are we alone?”