The Other Side(27)
Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” is pulsing loudly like a heartbeat from behind apartment 1A’s door when they approach. Toby must be alone; he never turns the record player up this loud when their mom is home.
“Robert Plant is a pussy,” Ken mutters as Nina unlocks the door.
Nina chuckles to herself before retorting, “We can’t all be AC/DC fans, Ken,” with a dash of sarcasm and a wink, despite Nina being Zeppelin’s biggest, lifelong fan. This flirty side of Nina is a relic from the past. It hasn’t seen the light of day in years. Most past boyfriends haven’t appreciated her well-placed humor. I marvel at it; her sarcasm is fierce. I’m happy she’s dusting it off and putting it to use again.
A relaxed smile graces him as he accepts her teasing and kisses her on the cheek. “But you should be,” he whispers in a serious tone that betrays the smile, before the door opens and judgment day descends upon him.
In the pause between “Kashmir” ending and “In the Light” beginning, Nina yells, “Toby!”
“In here!” Toby yells from his bedroom.
I notice the stumble in her step as she moves toward his door, it’s a giveaway. She’s rethinking this plan. She’s rethinking the second opinion or affirmation she’s just realized she’s after, because if Toby doesn’t approve of Ken, she doesn’t know what she’ll do. Will she look at Ken, who she tells herself she’s fallen in love with, differently? Will she suddenly see in him what Toby sees?
Toby meets her in the doorway of his room; he’s on his way out to greet her. Toby’s ghost smile is in place. I call it that because Toby never smiles outwardly, he never really has, but every once in a while, happiness burns bright in his pale green eyes and they light up, while his lips refuse to curve upward and join them. Even when he was little, he was serious. Inquisitive, quietly observing and sifting through people’s actions and words to decide if what someone projected on the outside matched who they were on the inside. It’s unnerving how perceptive he is.
“I thought you were going out tonight? Wanna eat—” he trails off when he notices Ken standing by the front door.
The atmosphere in the room shifts in an instant. It’s bloated; there simply isn’t enough space within the four walls of the living room to hold the judgment that’s expanding within like a balloon. It’s pushing in from opposite sides of the room, equal in weight and force, and Nina is stuck helplessly in the middle. The air being forced out of her lungs, Ken and Toby’s stare down is constricting from the back and the front. I don’t know if Ken’s aware his posture has changed. He’s standing up straighter. He’s looking for respect from Toby even though he hasn’t earned it; it’s an age-based assumption it will be given.
If Ken is waiting for Toby to introduce himself first, he’ll grow old where he stands. It won’t happen.
Toby is blinking slowly. He’s starting to sweat, but other than that, there’s no tell that his nerves are blistering. He’s doing his thing—assessing—with the music blaring all around them like a siren call.
Nina shifts from one foot to the other—words stuck in her throat, nerves tightening—as time slows to mimic the uneven rhythm of the room’s tension. The music is suddenly too loud, her beloved Robert Plant’s voice too eerie, and her only mission is to turn it off. When the music is muted surely the universe will right itself and Ken and Toby will stop the pretense and be civil. Nina is holding her breath, but I already know how this is going to end. There’s no amount of righting itself the universe can do to make Toby change his mind. I can see the disapproval in his eyes and so can Nina.
The needle skitters across the vinyl as Nina lifts it with a shaky hand.
“Shit,” she mutters, hoping she didn’t scratch it. This album is hers. It’s also her favorite.
When she turns to face the showdown, she decides the sudden shock of an audible void has done little to remedy the situation. If anything, it’s amplified it and has demanded it be addressed.
Nina’s eyes instinctively go to Toby first but bounce back to Ken instantly. Ken is standing closer to her and it seems proximity has chosen him for her. “Ken, this is my little brother, Toby.”
Ken remains stoically still for an uneasy three or four seconds, before he takes a few steps forward into the living room where he stops halfway and raises his chin slightly in greeting. “Hey, man.”
Toby blinks twice and takes one step forward into the living room, leaving several feet between them. This is it. I know it; Nina knows it. Toby is shorter than Ken, he hasn’t hit a growth spurt yet, but he looks up at him and valiantly holds his gaze. In all the years I’ve known Toby, I’ve only known him to act bold on Nina’s behalf. All he’s ever wanted is to be her protector. “You’re Nina’s boyfriend.”
It’s not a question but the way he says it, an odd juxtaposition of doubt and certainty, prods Ken to answer anyway. “Yeah.”
Toby’s eyes drop to the floor and he licks his lips before his eyes bounce back up to Ken’s. “What’s your favorite thing about her?” he asks without further hesitation.
This approach is new. Nina doesn’t like it, she’s a rubber band ready to snap. Wait him out, see where this goes, I coach silently.
Ken tilts his head and gives Toby a puzzled look. “What?”