The New Husband(46)
Stop it! Nina scolded herself. Just stop! Simon loves you, you love him, and this is Glen’s fault, not Maggie’s. This is Glen’s betrayal lingering. Maggie will adjust or she won’t, but you won’t let fear, uncertainty, and doubt get in the way of your happiness.
These thoughts came and went as Simon once again extended an olive branch of sorts, which Maggie took and shook with perfunctory courtesy.
“Very well. We’ll do this meeting thing again next week.”
But if experience had taught Nina anything, it was that this would be their last family meeting until the next crisis erupted.
Later on, after the dog had been walked and the dinner dishes were loaded in the dishwasher, after homework was done and the goodnight routine had come and gone, Simon crawled into bed more quiet than usual. He appeared to be brooding, and Nina naturally worried that Maggie’s behavior had been more upsetting to him than he had let on.
“It’s Emma’s birthday today,” he said, as explanation for his uncharacteristic moodiness. If they had been together longer, Nina would have known this about him, but a newish relationship came with constant discovery. Simon had always been a bit guarded when it came to his past, something Nina found entirely understandable given the pain many of those memories evoked. “I get sad every year around this time, for what we had, and … and how it was suddenly taken away,” he continued.
Nina understood perfectly well how milestones like birthdays could awaken those feelings of sadness and loss.
“It was deeply traumatic for you,” she said. “It’s understandable.”
“It seems women are always leaving me suddenly and traumatically.”
Nina thought: not only Emma, but Allison, Simon’s first wife, his first true love, who had walked away from the marriage without a word of good-bye.
“I’m sorry, babe,” Nina said, kissing him tenderly, finding his hand under the covers to give it a gentle squeeze. “I have no plans on deserting you, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“Maybe I had Emma on my mind and that’s why I wasn’t thinking clearly today,” Simon lamented. “God, could I make this adjustment any harder on myself?”
“You’re doing great,” Nina said reassuringly. “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy.”
“It’s your fault,” Simon said, a sardonic smile coming to his face. “If you weren’t so damn wonderful I wouldn’t have cared one bit that you were going to move to Nebraska.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“Kidding aside, thank you for your support with Maggie. I know I’m blowing it, but I loved you from the minute I saw you and I’m not going to let anything come between us. Certainly not my own stupidity.”
Nina let Simon pull her into his arms even though she was still mad at him. She asked what she could do to help, and Simon said all he needed was Nina’s love, that her love made him whole. It was like that “You complete me” line she had joked with him about, but this time she shivered because Glen had once said something quite similar to her years ago.
“I still think you need to quit your job,” said Simon, after turning out the bedside light. “Today, what happened, the reaction, it’s not all because of me. Maggie is struggling. I’m just not sure you can see it.”
But Nina wouldn’t quit, and she said as much. Working again, supporting herself, it felt too good, and she was too invested in her cases to back out now.
“I understand your reasons,” Simon said, his voice taking on an edge that wasn’t there a moment ago. “But I still think, for Maggie’s sake especially, you should quit and let me take care of everyone.”
“Please, Simon, please stop using my children as part of your argument.”
Nina managed to tamp down her anger, feeling there’d been enough drama for one day, but she added that her employment status was not open for discussion. She had kept this conflict of theirs from Susanna and Ginny, not wanting to give them more reasons to question Simon and her choices, but doubted she could muster the restraint if he kept up the pressure.
“Well, if it goes the way I’m seeing it going, I promise I won’t say I told you so.”
He leaned over in the dark, fumbling a bit before he planted a gentle kiss on her lips.
“Goodnight, darling,” he said. “Tomorrow will be a better day.”
Soon enough Simon was breathing heavy, fast asleep, while Nina’s thoughts darted about like a jackrabbit. Why was he so insistent on her not working?
She understood his stated reasons, even shared his concern, but part of her wondered if he didn’t like the idea of his wife (or future wife) having her own career. Emma hadn’t been working when she took her life; she knew that much about the woman who had made Simon a widower. His mother didn’t work either, from what she’d been told. Perhaps he had some kind of set expectation for what a wife should be. But if anything, he was progressive, having a broad historical context to help shape his modern-day views on feminism. And surely he knew her well enough to understand her need for independence.
But how well did she understand Simon?
CHAPTER 25
Twenty-six hours and seventeen minutes after my father contacted me, I broke my promise to him. Well, in my reply back I didn’t officially agree to keep the secret, but that was a technicality at best.