The Mother-in-Law(75)

“That’s wonderful,” I say, and now a smile does come, a real one. “Are they working?”

“They’re looking. But they’ve been looking a while.”

“What kind of work did they do back home?”

“Different things. Some sales, some IT. Aarash, put that down!”

Aarash is holding the vase again, peering into the hole at the top as if it’s a telescope. But hearing his mother’s voice he sets it down hard on the floor. It doesn’t break but Ghezala puts her hand to her heart and closes her eyes.

“Pick it up,” I tell him. “It’s fine. Play with it.”

I cannot find jobs for all of Ghezla’s friends, unfortunately. Even if Tom was alive, I couldn’t. I can, however, let Aarash and his sister play with my priceless vase. I can let them hold it or break it or use it as a telescope. And so I will let them.

“Where are your friends living?” I ask.

“In an apartment near us,” she says. “They know they are lucky. They’re just not as lucky as us. Not everyone has someone like you, Diana, to take them under their win—” We hear a sharp crack and Ghezala’s hands form a tent over her mouth. “Aarash! Oh no.”

We look over. The vase broken into three large pieces on the parquetry flooring. The children stare at it, stunned and terrified.

I just laugh and laugh.





52: DIANA


THE PAST

“I have something to tell you,” I say to Lucy, the week after my meeting at VEI. She is standing at my sink, hand-washing dishes. Edie is at her feet, playing with Tupperware containers and lids. I want to tell Lucy to leave the dishes—that I can do it myself, but I’m not sure I can. I feel bone-tired, weighed down, like I could lay my head on the kitchen counter and never lift it up again. Besides that, the fact is I’m enjoying being looked after. It doesn’t come close to filling the gap that Tom left. But it fills it a little.

“What is it?” Lucy asks.

“I saw Dr. Paisley last week.”

Lucy wipes a hair out of her face with a gloved hand. “I didn’t know you had a doctor’s appointment.”

“It was a follow up appointment. To get some test results.”

She gives me a funny look. “Test results for what?”

“Mammogram and ultrasound. My regular two yearly appointments.”

“Oh.” Lucy picks up a dishtowel. “You should have told me, I would have driven you.”

“I’m not an invalid, I can drive myself.”

Lucy looks hurt. “I didn’t say you were an invalid.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “That was rude. You’ve been a great help to me these past few months.”

Now she looks touched. How easily words can affect this one. It almost makes me regret what I’m about to say.

“I have breast cancer, Lucy. Quite advanced.”

She freezes, a plate in her hand. Dishwater drips from the fingertips down onto the floor. “Diana, no.”

“I haven’t told the children yet. I will, of course. But I wanted to tell you first. Actually, I was hoping you could help me—”

“Of course I will help you.” Lucy puts the plate down. “I can be here, when you tell them. I will help support them . . . and you—”

“No,” I interrupt. “That’s not what I meant.” I search around for the words I’d planned, but they don’t come to me. All of this is harder than I thought. “I need help with . . . something else.”

Lucy removes her gloves. “What do you need help with?”

“I need to buy some things. Online. But, you see . . . I need an encrypted email address and bitcoins. I thought you might know how to get these.”

Lucy blinks. At first she is confused, but slowly I see it morph into suspicion.

“Have you been taking your medication, Diana?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re feeling better?”

I shrug. “Tom’s still dead. No drug is going to change that.”

We drift into silence, apart from Edie playing happily on the floor. I watch as understanding comes to Lucy’s face.

“And now,” she says slowly, “you’ve discovered you’re sick and you want to buy something online that requires an encrypted email address and bitcoins?”

“Yes.”

It’s funny. For so long I’ve felt at such a disconnect with her. And yet, it’s amazing what I’ve been able to communicate with her, without saying a single word.

“If I tell you any more, Lucy, I will be exposing you to trouble so please don’t ask. I’m going to write a letter which will make my intentions clear. No one will ever know you were involved. Not Ollie. Not anyone.”

She closes her eyes. “Diana—”

“Do this for me, Lucy. Please. You’re the only one I can ask.”

It’s the truth. Ollie and Nettie would never help me. I’m their mother, which means in our relationship they will always be children, and will only see things from their own perspectives. They won’t want me to die, and that will be the end of that. But Lucy sees me differently. Like a mother-in-law, yes. But also as a woman.

Which means, for this, a daughter-in-law is perfect.