The Measure(81)

Nina nodded slowly.

“You know, you could have told me that’s how he and Maura met, when I first texted you about him.” Amie’s voice was tinged with accusation.

“All you said was that you ran into Maura’s friend at the apartment and went out for drinks,” Nina answered. “You didn’t say that you had fallen in love with him!”

“I don’t . . . I don’t know if it’s love,” Amie said defensively, her arms crossed tightly. “It’s just a bunch of letters.”

“Look, even if I had known the whole story, it wasn’t my truth to share,” Nina said. “If I went around telling you that Ben had a short string, that would’ve made me no better than the girls who outed me in high school.”

Amie’s arms dropped to her side. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Have you talked to Ben about all of this?”

Amie shook her head, leaning back against the counter. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve been going crazy about it. What do you think I should do?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Ugh, come on, Nina! If we were still in school, and I came to you asking for advice, you would jump at the chance to tell me what to do.”

“That was always about little things, like which gym class to avoid. This is . . . bigger.”

“I know it’s bigger!” Amie said, her arms flying up toward her face. She always lost control of her limbs when she was anxious. “Which is why I don’t . . . I don’t think I should keep talking to him,” she said quietly. “Either in person, or the letters.”

Nina’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

Amie’s gaze turned toward the floor, unable to meet Nina’s.

“It’s just that he said all this really heavy stuff in his last letter, about being a good partner and having kids . . .” Amie drew a slow breath. “And I know that I want those things, too, and . . . I like Ben,” she said. “But I don’t know if I can be the person he needs.”

Nina pressed her forehead into her hands, rubbing her temples with her thumbs.

“Please say something,” Amie begged her.

“I just wasn’t expecting this right now,” Nina said. “I actually came here because I have something to tell you.”

“Oh,” Amie said. “What is it?”

“Well, this isn’t exactly the way I wanted to share it with you . . .” Nina’s voice trailed off. The news of her impromptu proposal was supposed to be a happy surprise, but given Amie’s current state, it suddenly felt like an aftershock.

“Maura and I are getting married,” Nina said.

Amie was stunned. “You’re what?”

“I proposed when we were in Verona, and we just decided that there’s no point in waiting long,” Nina explained. “So we’re getting married in two months.”

“Nina! Two months? That’s really soon.” Amie started pacing nervously. “Do Mom and Dad know?”

“I’m calling them tonight,” Nina said. “I wanted to tell you first!”

“But . . . are you sure you’ve thought this all through?” Amie asked.

“I know it feels sudden, but this is what I want,” Nina said. “What we want.”

Amie looked pale and distressed. “You don’t think you should slow down for a second?”

“What are you talking about?” Nina asked. “We’ve been together for over two years. Where did you think this was heading?”

“You never said you were planning to propose! And I didn’t think Maura was planning to, either. Especially after the strings.” Amie winced, knowing her words must have stung.

“It wasn’t planned,” Nina said coolly. “It just happened. But clearly you’re already upset about Ben, so maybe this isn’t the best time to discuss it.”

“You know I love Maura, but this is all happening so fast,” Amie said. “I just want to make sure that you’ve taken the time to think about things before jumping into marriage.”

“This isn’t some stranger I met in Vegas, Amie. This is the woman I love.”

“And I’m not telling you to leave her!” Amie could see that her panicked pacing was starting to grate on Nina, so she finally stood still. “It’s just that marriage is a big deal. And marrying someone who’s about to die is a huge fucking deal!”

Amie bit her lip right after she said it. She rarely cursed, and she honestly didn’t intend to swear, the word had just jumped out. But it felt like a slap across both sisters’ faces.

“I know it’s a big fucking deal,” Nina fumed. “And she’s not about to die. We could still have eight more years.”

Amie knew that her sister was the rational one, the sense to her sensibility. And Amie desperately wanted to reason with her, to help Nina understand her fears.

“I’m just worried that you’re so focused on the fact that it’s still years away that it doesn’t feel real to you right now,” Amie explained. “You’re not thinking about what it will actually be like when it happens, and you’re a widow in your late thirties!”

Nina stared at her sister coldly. “I’ve thought about that every day since we opened our boxes.”