The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek(37)

“Prepare for what?”

“Maybe…figuring out how to not get murdered in the woods?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s not a murderer. Weird, yes. But not a killer.”

“How do you know he won’t hit us over the head with the rake and then, like, throw the hot dogs and Cheerwine at us, and then spray us with the fire extinguisher?”

“I’d be very surprised if those exact things happened,” Rex said.

“Pardon me for interrupting,” Hornhat said, putting down his chocolate milk, “but I am quite intrigued by what I’m hearing and would love to join this mission if you’ll have me. I have nunchucks, by the way.”

Rex knew Leif was expecting him to immediately shut down Hornhat’s offer, and that was his first instinct, but he stopped himself.

“Hmm,” he said.

Leif stared at Rex, horrified. “Wait, you’re actually considering this?”

“Maybe,” Rex said. “I mean, since you’re clearly not gonna come. He does have nunchucks.” Hornhat nodded, pleased with himself.

“Well.” Leif understood Rex was saying these things as a way of pressuring him to go, but he also knew Rex wasn’t one to bluff. “I think no one should go,” Leif said.

“All right,” Rex said, shrugging, “I guess it’s me and Hornhat then.”

“Yes!” Hornhat said, pulling in his fist like he was doing an impression of Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.

“Okay, I’m in,” Leif said, the words busting out of him, almost involuntarily.

“Great!” Rex said. “Sorry, Hornhat. Leif is gonna go instead of you.”

“Aw, seriously?” Hornhat said. “Why can’t it be the three of us?”

“It’s not that kind of mission, unfortunately,” Rex said. “You’re at the top of the alternate list, though.”

“All right,” Hornhat said. “That seems fair. But, hey, since I can’t go on the mission, can I at least breathe on your shirt, Leif?”

Leif thought it seemed almost sacrilegious to let Hornhat breathe on his Hypercolor shirt, considering that Alicia had always loved it, changing the purple to pink with her breath at least once every time he wore it. But he felt a little sympathy for Hornhat, considering he had just been deftly used as a pawn in one of Rex’s schemes.

“Okay, fine.”

“Awesome!” Hornhat’s whole face lit up as he stood and approached Leif, then proceeded to bend down and unleash a cannon of tuna fish air. Leif held his breath and watched his left nipple area change color, trying to convince himself that this was a way of honoring Alicia.



* * *



—

AS LEIF WADED through the Cape Fear River holding a rake and a six-pack of Cheerwine, he was thinking he’d given in to Rex way too easily. There was a tight ball of fear in his gut, a genuine (if irrational) concern that they wouldn’t make it home alive. “Let the record show that I think this is a mistake,” he said as they stepped onto the far bank of the river, murky water spilling out of his yellow Asics.

They arrived at the edge of the small clearing around the Tree. Rex tiptoed out toward the giant trunk, Leif following with a couple of tiny steps. A small fire burned in the fire ring, but there was no sign of Ben.

“Hellooooo!” Rex shouted.

“SSSSHHHHHHH!” Leif placed his finger over his mouth and looked at Rex like he’d lost his mind.

“What? I want him to know we’re here,” Rex said.

“I think he’s gone. Let’s go home,” Leif said, quickly turning around and beginning to walk back toward the river.

Before Leif could take one step, Ben jumped out from behind a smaller tree, landing in front of him, spear in hand. Leif peed a little, though it was unnoticeable in his already soaked Umbro shorts.

“You’re back!” Ben said enthusiastically. He was still in the brown jumpsuit, a rabbit/possum pelt still slung over his shoulders and a bloody bandage still on his hand. “And you did it,” he said, smiling. “You fulfilled the mission. Please, come in.”

He walked past them back toward the fire. Rex turned to follow him, not sure what qualified as “coming in.” Leif remained on the edge of the clearing, gathering himself. Ben seemed significantly friendlier this time around, despite his alarming way of welcoming visitors.

“I’m really glad you came through on this. I had a feeling you could be trusted. Would you mind passing me the rake and the hot dogs?”

Rex handed over the hot dogs, but it took Leif a few seconds to realize he was still holding the rake.

“Oh. Sure,” he eventually said, walking up to Ben and carefully handing it over.

“I was in the middle of a game of tic-tac-toe if either of you is interested,” Ben said, gesturing to the ground. “Feel free to use my stick.”

“Thanks,” Leif said, as if that was at all an appealing idea.

“I didn’t catch your names last time,” Ben said, tearing open the plastic package and methodically sliding a hot dog down each tine of the rake.

“Leif. And Rex.”

“Leef? Not Layf?”

“My mom wanted to go with Layf, just like—”

“Leif Erikson,” Ben interrupted, “the first person to discover North America, way before Columbus. Well, first white person.”