The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek(18)

“Do you think she’s gonna be okay?” Leif asked now, not looking up at Rex, who was sitting on the larger of the two rocks on the river island. Last year, they had established a conversational system in which the person sitting on the smaller rock could only ask questions, while the person on the larger rock could offer answers or original thoughts. It seemed cool at the time, but had since become a bit of an unnecessary hindrance to communication.

“Yeah, definitely,” Rex said, staring out across the river. “She’s Alicia. She’s unbreakable.”

“But what about the kids who…died?” Leif hadn’t wanted to think about, much less talk about, the three kids who had passed away at the school since it opened in the late seventies.

“Those were accidents,” Rex said. “Kids being where they shouldn’t. Freak mishaps. Alicia is the least accident-prone person I know. That’s the last thing we should worry about.”

Leif nodded, trying his best to let Rex’s certitude comfort him. It only half worked. “Okay, but even if she’s safe, how do we know she won’t…change?”

The Whitewood School was known to be very intense and very effective in its reform mission, but there were conflicting reports about what actually happened inside. What Leif and Rex both knew well, though, was that pretty much every single kid who had gone there had come back…altered. Tommy Dowd had been sent to Whitewood in fifth grade when, during career day at Bleak Creek Elementary, he’d snuck into Anna Coleman’s dad’s police cruiser—which Officer Coleman had been proudly showing off to the kids—and blasted a cassette of N.W.A.’s “Fuck tha Police” on the car speakers. When Tommy came back four months later, he was no longer listening to N.W.A., but he also never really did anything else interesting. Two years ago, Katie McQueen had been taken to Whitewood after calling her mother a bitch in front of several customers at Loretta’s Beauty Salon. It didn’t matter that her mother was widely known to fit that description perfectly; Katie went away for an eight-month stint at Whitewood. After getting out, she always respected her mother, but the once-gutsy girl was now just compliant.

“I mean,” Rex said, ignoring the shiver running down his spine, “at the end of the day, it’s still just, like, a school. Maybe the teachers are stricter, but…she’ll still be, like, learning stuff. Just in a different location.” He knew his words reeked of denial.

Leif thought of Alicia losing her Alicia-ness and his eyes filled with tears. He quickly turned his head away, pretending to inspect the water rushing past them. Even in his fake watching, he couldn’t help but observe a decomposing leaf float by, following it with his eyes until it disappeared into the mild rapids below them.

As his eyes returned to his towering best friend on the Big Rock, lost in his own river gazing, it occurred to Leif that it might feel good to tell Rex about his profound crush on Alicia. Sure, it wasn’t the same as telling her, but it was a way to get it off his chest, and he knew Rex would probably have wise insights. “You know what you need to do?” Rex might say. “Write her an epic love poem.” And Leif would say, “Good idea, thanks.” And Rex would say, “No problem, that’s why I’m here.” And Leif would smile and feel okay for a moment.

Of course, this was all impossible because Leif was sitting on the Small Rock. They needed to switch places.

“Hey, man,” Leif said, beginning to stand, “I—”

“I’ve got something funny to tell you,” Rex interrupted.

Leif sat back down.

“You’ll probably think this is weird,” Rex continued.

Leif decided he could momentarily deal with the interruption. Rex’s stories that started this way never disappointed.

“So…” Rex said. “When we were shooting at the fundraiser…No, actually, before we started shooting at the fundraiser…Like, while we were preparing to start shooting, you guys on one side and me on the other, I was, um…I was looking through the camera to frame Alicia, and I just, like…really noticed her lips. Like really noticed them.”

Leif stared at Rex, expressionless.

“I know, I know,” Rex said, feeling completely insecure. “I told you it might be weird. But…I mean, I don’t know. If she wasn’t just, you know, taken away or whatever, I probably would have ignored that moment or forgot all about it. But now that she’s gone, I just feel like…I think I have a crush on Alicia. As of yesterday. I know it’s weird. But, I mean…is it weird?” Rex caught himself violating the Big Rock rule of no questions. “I mean, I’d like to know if you think it’s weird.”

Leif felt frozen, unable to fully process what he’d just heard. From the word “lips” onward, he’d plunged into some kind of out-of-body experience, as if he were suddenly underwater, staring up at Rex from a great distance. And desperate for oxygen.

“Yeah, I knew you’d think it was weird,” Rex said, shaking his head.

The words brought reality crashing back to Leif, whooshing him up into himself again. He blinked and adjusted his glasses as he tried to think.

Rex also had a crush on Alicia.

As of a day ago.

This was a painfully unfair turn of events.

Leif started to speak but was barely able to form a word. “I—”