The Light Over London(92)

“I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know why,” she said.

“Yes, well, it was in the press a few years ago because of that film about Alan Turing. The Official Secrets Act meant that I had to promise I wouldn’t talk about my war work for my entire lifetime. People took it very seriously. I never told anyone. Not my parents, not your mum.” Gran cleared her throat. “I was one of the women working at Bletchley Park. I was assigned to one of the huts taking down intercepted radio signals from German operators.”

“You were in intelligence?” Cara asked.

“I was.”

“The files of those in Bletchley Park were declassified in the seventies. You’ve been allowed to talk about what you did for decades. Why remain so secretive about it?” Liam asked.

“Is it so hard to believe that I felt it my duty to keep a secret that won us the war?”

“Gran . . .” Cara said softly.

“I’m sorry, Liam.” When Gran lifted her chin, her eyes shone with tears. “The Official Secrets Act was also convenient for me because I had something else to hide. While I was at Bletchley, I had an affair with my superior officer.”

“The man in the photographs,” Cara said.

“Edwin was extraordinary. He was plucked out of Oxford as soon as it looked as though there would be a war and was trained to manage teams of brilliant minds. He was charismatic and we were all devoted to him, but I was the one who went a step too far. I knew he was married. I knew that what we were doing was wrong, but I didn’t care. I was young and silly and thought I deserved my own happiness.”

“You did. You do,” said Cara.

“Not at the expense of another woman. He’d been married for nearly seven years when I met him, and he had three children. And still, I thought I could give him something that his wife couldn’t.”

“What was that?” she asked.

“Adoration. Youth. Take your pick. It’s foolish, but I was hardly more than a child at that point,” said Gran. “The affair lasted almost a year, until the spring of forty-five.”

“What happened?” Cara asked.

“I became pregnant. I thought he would leave his wife when he found out—all of us other women always think that. I told him on VE Day.”

“Oh, Gran . . .”

“I know,” said Gran with a little laugh. “I don’t think I can even blame it on the excitement of the day. I was so madly in love with him, but he was never going to leave his family or his position. It would’ve meant serious consequences for his career.

“So I did the only thing I could think of. I turned to a sweet American soldier who’d been hanging about for months.”

“Granddad,” said Cara.

“We’d met in London at a NAAFI dance—that part of the story was true—and he spent most of the autumn of forty-four coming up whenever he could to see me. I think I knew Edwin was pulling away, and I liked the attention Steve gave me but I was never really invested until I needed him.”

“I thought your courtship was just four months?” Cara asked.

“It suited us later to make the timeline a little hazy,” said Gran.

“When did he propose?” Liam asked.

“Three days after VE Day. Three days after Edwin turned me away.”

“Did you tell Granddad that you were pregnant when you accepted his proposal?” Cara asked.

Gran hugged the pillow tighter. “No.”

“When did he find out?” she asked.

“We were married two weeks later, because he didn’t know where he was going to be sent after the Germans surrendered. He wanted to make sure I would have some rights as his wife,” said Gran.

“When did you tell him you were pregnant?” Cara asked.

“After I’d reached four months and couldn’t hide it any longer. We’d been married for a month,” said Gran.

“What did he say?” Cara asked.

“He walked out of our flat and I didn’t see him for three hours. When he came back, he asked me if the affair was over. I told him it was, and he promised me that he would love our son or daughter as though it was his own. He wanted me and a child more than anything else in the world.” Gran wiped away her tears. “He was a good man.”

“He was,” said Cara.

“I don’t think I fully believed him until your mother was born, but he fell in love with her the moment he saw her. I used to wake up at night and find he’d gone to her nursery just to watch her as she slept.”

Tears burned in the back of Cara’s throat. “I miss her, Gran.”

Gran opened her arms, and Cara went to her, kneeling on the floor next to her chair. “I do too, dear,” Gran said into her hair. “I do too.”

They held each other for a moment while Liam quietly retreated to the kitchen.

When at last Cara pulled back, she asked, “What did you tell Mum when she found out?”

“The truth. I married Steve knowing I didn’t love him, but that I came to love him in the end. I think she’s what saved our marriage and made us stronger.”

“But you and Mum still fought,” Cara said.

“It was too much to think she would take it anything but poorly. I just wish . . . I just wish I’d had time to try to fix it,” said Gran.