The Light Between Oceans(96)

The room fell silent, and the wind seemed to rattle the windows more urgently, demanding Isabel’s attention. All the way to the horizon, the waves thrashed in chaos, and the sky began to smudge with another approaching shower. Her mind was thrust back to Janus – back to the vast emptiness, back to Tom. She started to cry, in great sobs like waves, washing her back onto familiar shore at last.

Ralph sat down beside her, and held her hand. She wept and he sat, and nothing at all was said for a good half-hour.

Finally, Isabel ventured, ‘Lucy ran away last night because of me, Ralph – trying to find me. She could have died. Oh, Ralph, it’s all such a mess. I can’t talk to Mum and Dad about it …’

Still the old man stayed silent, holding Isabel’s hand, looking at the fingernails, bitten to the quick. He nodded his head slowly, just a touch. ‘She’s alive. And she’s safe.’

‘I only ever wanted her to be safe, Ralph. From the moment she arrived on Janus, I wanted to do what was best. She needed us. And we needed her.’ She paused. ‘I needed her. When she just appeared – out of nowhere – it was a miracle, Ralph. I was sure she was meant to be with us. It was so crystal clear. A little baby had lost her parents, we’d lost a little baby …

‘I love her so much.’ She blew her nose. ‘Out there … Ralph, you’re one of the only people in the world who knows what it’s like on Janus. One of the only people who can imagine. But even you’ve never waved the boat off: stood on that jetty and heard the sound of the engine die away, watched the boat get smaller and smaller. You don’t know what it’s like to say goodbye to the world for years at a time. Janus was real. Lucy was real. Everything else was just make-believe.

‘By the time we found out about Hannah Roennfeldt – oh, it was too late then, Ralph. I just didn’t have it in me to give Lucy up: I couldn’t do that to her.’

The old man sat, breathing slowly and deeply, nodding now and again. He resisted any urge to question or contradict her. Keeping silent was the best way to help her; to help everyone.

‘We were such a happy family. Then, when the police came to the island – when I heard what Tom had done – nothing felt safe. Nowhere was safe. Not even inside myself was safe. I was so hurt, and so angry. And terrified. Nothing made sense, from the moment the policeman told me about the rattle.’

She looked at him. ‘What have I done?’ The question wasn’t rhetorical. She was searching for a mirror, something to show her what she could not see.

‘Can’t say that concerns me as much as what you’re going to do now.’

‘There’s nothing I can do. Everything’s ruined. There’s no point in anything any more.’

‘That man loves you, you know. That’s got to be worth something.’

‘But what about Lucy? She’s my daughter, Ralph.’ She searched for a way to explain. ‘Can you imagine asking Hilda to give away one of her children?’

‘This isn’t giving away. This is giving back, Isabel.’

‘But wasn’t Lucy given to us? Isn’t that what God was asking of us?’

‘Maybe He was asking you to look after her. And you did. And maybe now He’s asking you to let someone else do that.’ He puffed out a breath. ‘Hell, I’m not a priest. What do I know about God? But I do know that there’s a man about to give up everything – everything – to protect you. Do you think that’s right?’

‘But you saw what happened yesterday. You know how desperate Lucy is. She needs me, Ralph. How could I explain it to her? You can’t expect her to understand, not at her age.’

‘Sometimes life turns out hard, Isabel. Sometimes it just bites right through you. And sometimes, just when you think it’s done its worst, it comes back and takes another chunk.’

‘I thought it had done all it could to me, years ago.’

‘If you think things are bad now, they’ll be a whole lot worse if you don’t speak up for Tom. This is serious, Isabel. Lucy’s young. She’s got people who want to care for her, and give her a good life. Tom’s got no one. I never saw a man who less deserved to suffer than Tom Sherbourne.’

Under the watchful gaze of saints and angels, Ralph continued, ‘God knows what got into the pair of you out there. There’s been lie upon lie, all with the best intentions. But it’s gone far enough. Everything you’ve done to help Lucy has hurt someone else. Good God, of course I understand how hard it must be for you. But that Spragg’s a nasty piece of work and I wouldn’t put anything past him. Tom’s your husband. For better or worse, in sickness and in health. Unless you want to see him in gaol, or—’ He couldn’t finish the sentence. ‘I reckon this is your last chance.’



‘Where are you going?’ An hour later, Violet was alarmed at the state of her daughter. ‘You’ve only just walked in the door.’

‘I’m going out, Ma. There’s something I have to do.’

‘But it’s bucketing down. Wait till it stops, at least.’ She gestured to a pile of clothes on the floor beside her. ‘I’ve decided to go through some of the boys’ things. Some of their old shirts, their boots: they might be some good to someone. I thought I could give them to the church.’ A quiver crept into her voice. ‘But it would be nice to have some company while I sort them.’