The Lifeguards(76)

“This is awesome!” says Joe.

“Come on,” says sweet Charlie to Salvatore’s kids. He takes Joe and Allie—holding their hands—down to the water: the cliffs are too high for them and they scuttle to the muddy bank below.

The Cliffs are dangerous for sure—Life Flight helicopters hover above this spot every few weeks or so in the summer, searching for confused hikers or someone who fell off and hit rock. There’s a sad and beautiful marker for a nurse who wasn’t properly attached to the harness system and fell a hundred feet to her death while trying to save a lost soul.

And of course, this is where Lucy died. I don’t even notice that the boys have been gathering wildflowers along the trail—their arms swinging in large arcs into the greenery—until they place them on a stone near the cliff edge.

If they can reclaim the joy of this place, I think—shuddering a bit at the thought of the Secret Cave, the doomsday bunker, and the brass sculpture—so can I.

Xavier and Bobcat launch themselves off the Cliffs. You have to know what you’re doing here, and they do. They soar in free fall and land just right, breaking the surface of the water. Despite everything that’s happened, they seem to feel invincible, which was what we moms had hoped for all along.

They are sixteen, it is summer, and life is glorious. From below, all the children watch me, calling encouragement.

I think of Whitney and Annette, remembering the endless days we’d spent here with our babies, then our toddlers, our growing twelve-year-olds.

I visit Whitney with a thermos of her favorite cinnamon coffee. She was once my best friend, after all.



* * *



—

I hesitate. It’s a long way down. I stare at the water. “Is it cold?” I call.

“Freezing!” responds my son.

“Is it safe?” I ask.

“Probably?” says Charlie.

“Go, Liza,” yells Bobcat.

“You can do it,” says Allie.

I look at Xavier and Bobcat, at Joe and Allie. All the bright faces I love, turned up toward me to see what I will do. The kids’ smiles are wide and untroubled. I lean forward and then back. I take a breath to calm my racing heart, and it doesn’t work.

“Don’t worry!” says Charlie. “We’re lifeguards!”

I had wanted more than anything to find someone I could count on, and all along he had been right beside me. Charlie’s eyes are as blue as his father’s. He is strong, unbroken, bighearted. I have done what was needed to get him here…at least here, to sixteen.

I jump.





   FOR TWENTY YEARS

   From Blue Lakes to Kauai

   For Michelle





Acknowledgments


I AM THANKFUL TO be surrounded by a family of beautiful friends with whom I am raising my kids. You know who you are. Thank you.

I am also honored to be supported and inspired by my brilliant editor and treasured friend, Kara Cesare, and the entire team at Ballantine/Random House, including Kara Welch, Kim Hovey, Jennifer Hershey, Allison Lord, Emma Thomasch, Taylor Noel, Jesse Shuman, Benjamin Dreyer, and Gina Centrello.

Thank you to my agent, Michelle Tessler at Tessler Literary Agency, to whom this book is dedicated, and to the wonderful Mary Pender at UTA.

I am also grateful for Dominic Riley, Hannah Finlayson, Sarah Harden, Reese Witherspoon, and the Hello Sunshine team; the world of bookstagrammers and readers; and the friends and writers who read my pages.

I could not have written this (or any) book without the wisdom of Beth Howells, Vendela Vida, Andrew Sean Greer, Elin Hildebrand, Allison Lynn, Jodi Picoult, Owen Egerton, Christina Baker Kline, Paula McLain, Jardine Libaire, Meg Wolitzer, Mary Helen Specht, Dalia Azim, and Leah Stewart. Major thanks to the incredible Julia Romero and her editorial guidance. Many thanks to Ben Carter and Gil Green for the use of their gorgeous artwork.

Thanks to my mom and sisters, Brendan and Peter Westley, the Chappell and Roux and Meckel and Toan families for supporting and loving me.

Last but never least, thank you to my hilarious, smart, kind Ash (who inspires me every day to be as strong and brave as he is), Harrison (whose grace and hilarious texts make my days bright), Nora (my shining star), and the craziest schnauzers in Texas. My heart, always, is for the man who inspires me every day to fight for what matters and nap when you can—my love, Tip Meckel.