The Lies I Told(70)

Closing my eyes, I drank the wine. It was cheap, too sweet and fruity, but like Brit’s expensive blend, I barely tasted it as I guzzled the liquid until I saw the bottom of the glass. Drawing in a deep breath, I swiped my hand over my mouth and then refilled the tumbler. My head spun a little. My system wasn’t used to the booze, and the alcohol hit my system and empty stomach like bricks.

I refilled the glass, and I walked to the window and stared out at the river now drifting over the rocks as if it had all the time in the world. Why had I chosen this apartment with this view? Any sane person would’ve stayed away from the river that had cleaned all the evidence off Clare’s body and hidden her killer’s identity. But I’d chosen this daily reminder that rubbed salt into a wound, ensuring it never healed.

My vision blurred, forcing me to sit on the couch. I closed my eyes, pressing the glass to my temple as Clare’s voice whispered in my head.

“Guess what Brit’s been doing,” Clare said.

I was darkening the shadow around her eyes. I liked the smoky Daryl Hannah–in–Blade Runner look, and since she wanted to be me tonight for the New Year’s Eve party, I was going all out. Maybe over the top, but Clare deserved to be noticed. “What? Did mini-Mom iron our jeans again?”

Clare stared at me. “Bigger than that.”

“What?” I loved stories of Brit’s screwups, which were few and far between.

“Wait and see.”

“What’re you talking about?” Her double talk annoyed me.

Clare fiddled with a tube of lip gloss. “Taste of her own medicine.”

I darkened her pale eyebrows. “Speak English, Clare.”

“It’s better to show, not tell. But it’s going to take a couple of hours.”

“Okay. Puzzles.” I tossed the pencil on my makeup table. “I’ve got to go to Jack’s house.” I blended her blush and stepped back. She could be me.

“Why are you going to see him?”

“Same as everyone else. Getting a little something to help celebrate the New Year.”

Clare’s gaze met mine in the mirror. I could have been looking at myself. “That’s not the way to do it. He’s got a weird vibe.”

Her critique hit a nerve. “You screw everything with a heartbeat, Clare. At least I haven’t crossed that bridge yet.”

Clare stood, stepped back. “The shit he sells could kill you!”

“So could one of your boy toys.”

Her face paled. “I’m not doing that anymore. Just Kurt now.”

I pulled on a leather jacket. “What’s changed?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Clare stared at me as if ready to say something, but then she seemed to think better of it. “Just get home as soon as you can. Like I said, I have something to show you.”

“You’re being very mysterious tonight. Are you okay?”

She smiled. “Of course.”

I was too jumpy to press. “Can Kurt pick you up so I can use the Jeep?”

Clare frowned. “I don’t think you should go. I don’t like the way Jack looks at us.”

Her real concern smoothed my ruffled feathers. “It won’t take long. I’ll be back before you know it. And we’ll ring in the New Year at Jo-Jo’s party.”

Clare’s brow furrowed as she stared into the mirror. “Everyone’s going to think I’m you.”

“Isn’t that the point? You’ve been dressing up like me a lot lately.”

“How do you know?”

“I can tell when my stuff has been worn. No big deal,” I said. “However, if you show up to the party on time and sober, they’ll know you’re not me.”

Clare smiled. “I guess.”

“The eye makeup goes perfectly with the blouse.”

I moved to my closet and chose the jeans I’d bought a few weeks ago. They’d cost over three hundred dollars, and I’d taken a morbid pleasure when the clerk swiped my father’s credit card. “But wear these with it.”

“You haven’t even worn them.” Clare moistened her lips, and for the first time, I noticed she looked pale. “Great.”

“You okay? You look like you don’t feel well.”

“I’m fine. Drank too much beer last night.”

“You? Drank too much?”

“Kurt can be a bad boy,” she said, offhandedly.

I’d caught Kurt staring at me before and now wondered if he was the reason she’d been dressing up as me so much lately. Kind of weird to think my twin and her boyfriend channeled me when they got it on. But who was I to lecture? He made her smile, and we’d done precious little of that since Mom died.

“You know, you can tell me anything,” I said.

“I know. And I will, but for tonight let’s have fun. It’s the New Year, and I want to ring it in in style. I need to have a really good time tonight.”

Something in her voice caught my attention. “I can drop you off at Jo-Jo’s.”

“No, take the Jeep. Kurt will pick me up. Just be careful, okay?”

Now, as I stared at the river, I wondered for the millionth time whether, if I’d changed one little thing that night (the makeup, the jeans, leaving her to ride with Kurt), Clare would have lived.