The Last One(11)

I feel myself getting harder every day. Even when I startle and soften, even when my fa?ade breaks, it seems to me that it always comes back harder, like a muscle strengthening with use. I hate it. I hate being hard and that my hatred hardens me further. I hate that I’m already pushing the child prop from my mind, thinking instead of the cooler.

I press the button, pull the handle so the top tilts away.

A Ziploc bag stuffed with green and white mold. Beneath it, a juice box. Pomegranate blueberry. I fish out the juice box and then close the cooler. I feel as though I should return the cooler to the car, like how I spread out the components of my debris huts each morning, returning everything to its natural place. But this is different, there is nothing natural about the placement of this car, this cooler. I stand and shove the cooler against the front bumper with my foot. A moment later, juice box in hand, I am walking again.

I wonder if I’ll make it home without hitting a boundary or finding another Clue—if they’ll let me go that far. Have they carved out a corridor for me all the way to the coast? Even this seems possible now. Or maybe—maybe I’m not even going east. Maybe sunrise and sunset have been reduced to parlor tricks. Maybe my compass is rigged, and my magnetic north is really a remote-controlled signal easing me into an oblivious spiral.

Maybe I’ll never make it home.





In the Dark—Predictions?

I’ve never heard of anything like this show! They just started taping yesterday and the first episode airs Monday. Monday! And the production company that did Mt. Cyanide is behind it so you know the special effects are going to be INSANE. Their website calls it “a reality experience of unprecedented scale.” Sure, it’s their job to build buzz, but color me excited. What do you all think?

submitted 38 days ago by LongLiveCaptainTightPants





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[-] CharlieHorse11 38 days ago My money’s on this actually being Mt. Cyanide 2. The acid-spewing volcanoes are spreading! Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

[-] HeftyTurtle 38 days ago From what I’ve read, they’ve got the budget like it is. We’re talking the realm of $100 million here.

[-] CharlieHorse11 38 days ago Mt. Cyanide was twice that. I don’t want half as many acid volcanoes, I want ALL the acid volcanoes.

[-] LongLiveCaptainTightPants 38 days ago Source?

[-] HeftyTurtle 38 days ago Here. Unofficial, but seems legit.

[-] LongLiveCaptainTightPants 38 days ago Whoa. Yeah. Now I’m even more excited!

[-] JT_Orlando 37 days ago

Have you all seen the legal releases that leaked yesterday? 98 pages! Cast had to sign some crazy shit. I couldn’t get through it all but of what I did read my favorite was that they had to accept “All risks arising from engaging in vigorous physical activity in wilderness areas not readily accessible to emergency services, where conditions vary and hazards may not be readily apparent, where weather is unpredictable and where rock falls occur.” Also, “Risks arising from poisonous flora and fauna, including risks arising from encounters with bears, coyotes, venomous snakes, and other indigenous wildlife.” Full text here.

[-] DispersingSpore 37 days ago I like “Severe mental strain arising from solitude, prolonged periods of hunger and fatigue, and other psychologically trying conditions.”

[-] Hodork123 37 days ago Standard boilerplate waivers resulting from our overly litigious society. Make it sound a lot more dangerous than it is, I bet.

[-] DispersingSpore 37 days ago Love it or leave it, Commie.

[-] Hodork123 38 days ago

Another wilderness survival reality show? B/c that’s just what we need.

[-] Coriander522 38 days ago Spoiler alert: It’s actually a singing competition.

[-] CoriolisAffect 38 days ago My buddy’s a cameraman on the show. CaptainTightPants is right about the timing—it’s nuts. And my friend says they’ve got some seriously f*cked-up shit ahead. Stay tuned.

[-] NoDisneyPrincess 38 days ago Zombies?

[-] CoriolisAffect 38 days ago As the saying goes, I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.

[-] NoDisneyPrincess 38 days ago ZOMBIEEEEES!!!!

[-] LongLiveCaptainTightPants 38 days ago Rad! You should get your friend to do an AMA once it’s all said and done. I’d love to know what goes on behind the scenes.

[-] Coriander522 38 days ago Seconded!

[-] CoriolisAffect 38 days ago I’ll see what I can do.

…





4.


“The rules for your first Challenge are simple,” says the host, standing in the field in stark afternoon light. “You each have a bandana and compass marked with your assigned color, or colors. For the duration of this adventure, anything meant specifically for you will be marked with those colors. Starting with”—he swivels to indicate a series of short painted sticks spaced throughout the field—“these.”

“Sticks?” whispers Asian Chick to no one in particular. “What do they do?”

The host shushes her, squares his shoulders, and continues. “Using your compass, you will need to find your way to a series of control points, and ultimately to a box containing a wrapped package. Do not open the package.” He smiles and runs his gaze along the line of contestants, then sticks his thumbs into his front pockets, assuming a laid-back stance that implies he knows something the contestants do not, which, of course, he does. It is his privilege to know many things they do not. “Find your colors and take your places.”