The Last Eligible Billionaire(18)

A-ha! I was right.

He’s used fake girlfriends before.

Possibly including the mayor here.

And now I want to know how that one went down. It couldn’t have been terrible if she was willing to come ring the gate bell.

Or does he just have very, very poor taste in women?

Of all the time to have my internet speed dependent on a hotspot on someone else’s bad wireless connection, the moment when I need to google my new fake boyfriend’s relationship history is not ideal.

“Yes, Mother, I have a girlfriend again,” Hayes says. “Begonia and I met on a Snarflings World forum while I was incognito, moved private chats to phone calls, and I asked her to meet me here. She had no idea until this morning who I actually am, nor to whom I’m related, and I’d prefer if you don’t make her uncomfortable.”

Wow.

He’s good.

Except I wouldn’t be caught dead within seventeen miles of a Snarflings World forum, since it was Chad’s favorite television show and I never really got it.

Aliens trying to correct things wrong with Earth and always getting it wrong?

They could’ve tackled world hunger or environmental disasters, and instead, they were like, we must save humans from Cheerios.

It was so absurd it wasn’t even funny.

And now I wonder just how odd Hayes really is, and also if he knows that little detail about Chad from his background check on me.

Just how thorough can a background check be if it’s done in ten minutes?

Once again, I’m back to wondering if he knew I was here, but the circle of questions is more likely to make my head hurt than it is to convince me to run, so I stay, smiling brightly.

“You can take your own luggage to your rooms,” Hayes continues, “or, more preferably, to one of the other accommodations in town across the island.”

“Did you run a background check on her?” the dark-haired diva asks. She’s familiar, but I can’t quite place her, and this isn’t a Did I meet you at Cracker Barrel? or Was your brother one of my art students? kind of familiar.

Is she an actress?

“Begonia, this is Amelia Shawcross,” Hayes says. “We went to grade school together. And this is Charlotte, my mother’s personal assistant who deserved a Sunday off but apparently didn’t get it. I assume there’s a security detail making the rounds outside. You’ll meet them soon enough as well.”

Amelia takes my hand for a handshake that feels very practiced. “Hayes and I got married in second grade.”

“Oh, that must’ve been adorable.” I beam at her. “I married my dog when I was nine. My sister and I were arguing over who got to be the bride and who had to be the bridesmaid, so we decided to take turns, but when Mom heard me talking about a honeymoon with Oreo, she freaked out over what the neighbors would think, so Hyacinth never got to be Oreo’s second wife.”

Hayes chuckles, and the sound wraps around me like a blanket made of chocolate lava cake. “Isn’t she adorable?”

“Quite…normal.” If Giovanna’s appalled, she’s hiding it well.

Amelia shakes her long, thick hair and smiles a vulture’s smile at me. “You probably shouldn’t tell that story in mixed company if you don’t want stories about yourself having sex with a dog spread across the tabloids. Have you ever dated someone famous, Begonia?”

“Just Oreo. He ate the mayor’s wife’s roses and made the local papers for it. Mostly because he wasn’t smart enough to stop after the first thorn made his tongue bleed.” I turn my beaming smile up at Hayes, and yes, I’m well aware that my dog being famous has nothing on the level of fame these people deal with every day. “But I’m attracted to smarter creatures now. And Oreo’s tongue was okay. It wasn’t as bad as the news made it sound. Plus, he was recovering from the ol’ snip-snip and still had a lot of painkillers in his body when it happened.”

The looks on their faces are priceless.

I can’t wait to tell Hyacinth that Jonas Rutherford’s mother will never forget me.

Obviously, I’d prefer it was for a better reason, but a girl has to work with what she’s got. And honestly? The idea of the whole Rutherford family sitting around a Christmas tree, fire roaring, laughing about that time Hayes pretended to be dating a girl who married her dog who went small-town viral when he was drugged-up and snip-snipped brings me a little joy.

Do people on Fifth Avenue talk about the things their pets do that aren’t normal or polite?

They always seem so stiff, like they need the little things to laugh at.

“Are any of you hungry?” I ask. “I think we have crackers. There was, erm, a refrigerator malfunction, so we’re out of butter. I can use the house phone to order a Tuber to have some lobster rolls delivered. Have you had the lobster rolls from Clickety Clack? They’re delicious. And I think it’s adorable that there’s a local named Mr. Tuberman who runs the Tuber. It’s like Uber, but not.”

“They know where Clickety Clack is if they’re hungry, darling,” Hayes says.

Giovanna’s lips go flat and tight.

“Don’t be a bear,” I whisper to Hayes. “They’ll think I’m a bad influence.”

“It’s not you, Bernardia,” Amelia says.