The Keeper of Night (The Keeper of Night #1)(59)

The people of Takaoka stared at us as we loitered outside the station, slowing down and turning around to get a better look. Just how long would it take before Japan became accustomed to foreigners? To be fair, it hadn’t been so many years since Japan opened to the West, and neither of us wore jackets in the cool weather, seeing as I’d burnt through all three of our coats.

Neven’s hand hung limp by his side, still a shade of corpse gray. His other arm wrapped around his legs, pulling them close to his chest.

“Is it still cold?” I said, gesturing to his hand.

He shook his head, staring with a distant gaze at the crowd milling around the train station. His silence and the careful distance between us on the wall told me just how hard he was trying not to shatter into a thousand pieces. Whenever he tried to swallow his fear and pretend he was dispassionate, like Reapers were supposed to be, his eyes grayed and he became nearly catatonic. The Yokai had frightened him more than I’d realized, and now he was coming undone.

How selfish of me to bring him here, and how cruel of me to not regret it, even now.

“This city seems to make metal,” I said after a moment of heavy silence. “They might make gears, as well. Maybe you could find a clockmaker to talk to.”

I thought the suggestion might cheer him up, but he only hugged his knees tighter.

“And how would I talk to them, exactly?” he said, closing his eyes.

I knew how it felt to be weighed down by the world around you so much that you could barely move your lips to speak, but I didn’t know what Neven wanted me to say, or what might comfort him. I couldn’t make Japan speak English for him. I could send him home, but he’d told me over and over that he didn’t want to go.

He sighed and let his legs down. “I’m sorry. I just...” He looked down at his grayed hand, curling his fingers. “What if the next one is worse?”

“Then we get rid of them.”

He finally looked at me, his face pinched tight with frustration. “You say that as if the last one was easy. As if it wasn’t horrible.”

“I didn’t say either of those things.”

But this only upset Neven more. He huffed out a stiff exhale and turned his head up to the sky as if asking God for help.

“What do you want me to say, Neven? That everything will be fine?”

“I’m not asking you to lie to me,” Neven said, closing his eyes.

“Then what is it you’re asking of me?”

“Empathy?” Neven said, yanking his clock up by the chain and jamming it into his pocket. “Some acknowledgment that none of this is easy for me, perhaps?”

I could only stare, too stunned by Neven’s anger to form a reply. I thought he might descend into a rant, but he stared back at me, challenging me to respond.

“I know it’s not easy for you,” I said slowly. “Is that all you wanted me to say?”

Neven huffed and shook his head. It felt like we were speaking two different languages.

“I don’t know anything about these monsters,” he said, knuckles white where he gripped the stone wall. “I don’t know what they’re saying, what anyone’s saying except for you, and Hiro when he deigns to speak in English. Everyone is playing by rules I don’t understand, and everyone is staring at me. I don’t belong here, Ren, I feel so lost and—”

“Stop,” I said, holding up a hand as if I could extinguish his words like a lantern. The darkness in my voice halted his words instantly, drawing the attention of a few more passersby. “Are you complaining to me that you feel like an outcast?” I said. “To me, of all people?”

Neven’s shoulders drooped, the anger melting out of him. His eyes grayed to a milky blue. “I’m telling you because it’s you, Ren. I thought you would understand.”

“What do you want from me?” I said, rising to my feet. “To congratulate you for living one week the way I’ve lived for centuries?”

Neven’s lips pressed together in a tight line, and for a moment he looked at me like he didn’t know me anymore. “You empathize so readily with that Shinigami, but not with me.”

My hands clenched into fists, and even hidden beneath my sleeves I could feel them searing with white-hot light. The lights in the train station behind us surged painfully bright for a moment before dimming again.

“‘That Shinigami,’” I repeated. “Is that all we are to you?”

“Sorry to interrupt!”

We both turned to Hiro, who jingled a set of keys over his head. “I’ve found us a nice place. Panoramic views of the coast. No idea how I managed such a feat. Shall we?”

“You go ahead,” I said, eyes already scanning the street for possible escape routes. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Oh.” Hiro blinked and looked to Neven for an explanation.

“Where is it?” Neven said, holding out a stiff hand for a key.

“That red building on the main road, rooms 104 and 5,” Hiro said, still looking between me and Neven as if one of us might explode at the wrong word. He handed one key to Neven, who snatched it with grumbled thanks and stormed off.

I turned to walk in the opposite direction, but Hiro grabbed my forearm. I wasn’t in the mood to be restrained, but I didn’t want to be angry at anyone else tonight, so I let my arm go limp and allowed Hiro to turn me around.