The Housemaid(64)

“Thanks for watching Cece, Mother,” Andy says.

“Of course,” Evelyn says. “She was well behaved today. But…” Her eyes drift up toward the ceiling. “I noticed you left the lights on in the bedroom upstairs. Such a terrible waste of electricity.”

She gives him a disapproving look and Andy’s entire face turns bright red. I’ve noticed how desperate he is for her approval.

“It was my fault,” I speak up. I’m not sure it was, but what the hell—I might as well take the blame since Evelyn already dislikes me. “I left the light on.”

Evelyn tuts at me. “Nina, producing electricity takes a lot of our planet’s resources. You should remember to shut off the lights when you leave any room.”

“I absolutely will,” I promise.

Evelyn gives me a look like she’s not quite sure I mean it, but what is she going to do? She’s already failed to stop her son from marrying me. Of course, maybe she was right about me after the terrible thing I did.

“We stopped off to get food, Mother,” Andy says. “We got extra. Do you want to join us?”

I’m relieved when Evelyn shakes her head. She’s not a pleasant dinner guest. Having her stay for the meal guarantees a string of criticisms about our dining area, the cleanliness of our dishes and utensils, and the food itself.

“No, l should be heading out,” she says. “Your father is expecting me.”

She hesitates in front of Andy. For a moment, I almost think she’s going to kiss him on the cheek, which is something I’ve never seen her do before. But instead, she reaches out and adjusts his collar, smoothing out his shirt. She cocks her head, examining him, then nods an approval. “All right, I’m off.”

After Evelyn is gone, we enjoy a nice dinner together, just the three of us. Cecelia sits in her highchair and eats noodles with her fingers. Halfway through the meal, one of the noodles somehow makes it onto her forehead and adheres there for the rest of the dinner. But even as I try to enjoy the meal, something isn’t sitting right in the pit of my stomach. I keep thinking about what Dr. Hewitt said. He thinks I should go up to the attic. So does Andy.

Maybe they’re both right.

So after I put Cecelia down for the night, when Andy brings it up, I say yes.





FORTY-FIVE





Step Five: Find Out You’re Not Crazy After All





“We’ll take it slow,” Andy promises me as we stand together at the door to the attic staircase. “But this will be good for you. To see yourself that there’s nothing there to be scared of. That this was all completely in your head.”

“Right,” I manage. I know he’s right. But it felt so real.

Andy takes my hand in his. I don’t cringe anymore when he touches me. We started making love again. I trust him again. This will be the final step to getting back to where we were before I did this terrible thing. Before my brain broke.

“Ready?” he says.

I nod.

We hold hands as we ascend the creaky staircase together. We need to put in a lightbulb here somewhere. The rest of the house is so nice—maybe if this entire area were less frightening, I would feel better. Not that it’s any excuse for what I did.

Far too soon, we reach the room in the attic. The storage closet that I somehow turned into a dungeon in my head. Andy raises his eyebrows at me. “Are you okay?”

“I… I think so.”

He turns the doorknob and nudges the door open. The light is out, and the room is pitch black. Which is strange, because there’s a window and I know there’s a full moon tonight—I had admired it from the bedroom window. I step inside, squinting into the shadows of the room.

“Andy.” I swallow a lump in my throat. “Can you turn the light on?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

He pulls on the cord for the lights, and the room lights up. But it’s not normal light. The light coming from overhead is almost blinding. It’s super bright, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I let go of Andy’s hand and clasp my own hands over my eyes to block it out.

And then I hear the sound of the door slamming shut.

“Andy!” I call out. “Andy!”

My eyes have adjusted to the super bright light just barely enough to be able to make out the contents of the room if I squint. And… it’s just as I remember it. The dingy cot in the corner of the room. The closet with the bucket. The mini fridge that had contained three tiny bottles of water.

“Andy?” I croak.

“I’m out here, Nina.” His voice is muffled.

“Where?” I grasp around blindly, still squinting. “Where did you go?”

My fingers make contact with the cold metal of the doorknob. I twist it to the right and…

No. No. It can’t be.

Am I having another breakdown? Is this all in my head? It can’t be. It feels so real.

“Nina.” Andy’s voice again. “Can you hear me?”

I shield my eyes with my hand. “It’s so bright in here. Why is it so bright?”

“Turn out the light.”

I grasp around until I find the cord for the lights, then I give it a good tug. I feel a surge of relief as I’m plunged back into blackness. It lasts for about two seconds, until I realize I’m completely blind in here.