The House of Eve (99)

When I got to her building, I saw that she wasn’t home. All the shades and curtains in her third-floor apartment were drawn. Inez didn’t like to run up her light bill, so during daylight hours she relied on sunlight only. If I turned on the lights before five, I would get hit over the head with her hairbrush, even if it was to do my homework.

It was sunny but cold, and I stood waiting under an old oak tree across the street. My feet must have spread during pregnancy, and I could feel my baby toes cramped and pinched against the leather. When my fingers felt numb in my pockets, I finally saw her pushing a baby carriage up the street. I watched as she lifted the baby up and carried it with one hand while dragging the carriage up the steps with the other onto the front porch. Inez pressed her foot against the tire break of the stroller and then unlocked the door. I don’t know why I didn’t call out to her, but instead I waited until I knew she was in the apartment and settled before I crossed the street and rang the doorbell.

“Who is it?” she called through the intercom.

“It’s me, Inez. Can I come up?”

Pause. “What you want? I ain’t got no money.”

“I don’t need nothing. Just wanted to see you.”

The intercom fell quiet. I waited by the door for so long that I thought she wasn’t going to let me in. Then, finally, I heard the buzz. I took the stairs two at a time like I always did and pushed open the door.

The place smelled different. A mix of soiled diapers, cigarettes and cheap air freshener.

“The baby’s sleep, so don’t come up in here making a whole lotta noise, you hear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Inez stood in a pair of dungarees with a striped smock top, bent over the kitchen sink with her hands scrubbing chicken parts. Her hair was pulled up in a knot at the top of her head.

“You making dinner already?”

“I like to get it out the way while she’s down for her nap. Leap likes to eat when he get home from the shipyard at five thirty.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Why you asking?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“Just making conversation.”

“We’re doing fine. Going down to the justice of the peace to get married soon.” She held up her hand and showed me a thin band. “It’s just a promise ring for now. The real thing coming soon,” she said, picking up the knife. I watched as she lifted the skin on the chicken and scraped against the yellow, slimy film that clung to the meat.

I took a seat at the kitchen table and reached for a butterscotch in the candy dish.

“When did you get back?”

“Last week.”

“And you just now dropping by?” she said, which confused me because she always seemed like she didn’t want me around.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I stayed quiet.

“Marie said you was at an internship.”

“Yeah, for the government,” I said.

Inez turned and looked at me. A long silence passed between us. It felt like she knew it was all a fabrication but that she didn’t want to use up her energy playing detective.

“Well, you better be getting on down the road. Leap will be home soon.”

I didn’t want to leave so quickly. “Can I see the baby first? Aunt Marie told me you had a girl.”

“Named her Lena, after Leap’s mama. She’s in your old room. You can go back and peek on her. But quiet. If you wake her up all hell will break loose.”

I tiptoed as softly as I could down to the back room. My old furniture was unchanged, and my unicorn poster that I won for a summer reading challenge still hung on the wall over my twin bed. A wicker bassinet was wedged between the wall and the dresser in the corner. The baby was nestled under a dull yellow blanket, and as I leaned in to get a better look at her, the smell of her flushed me with memories of Grace. All my senses were alive at once and my breasts throbbed. I wanted to pull her to my chest and cradle her, but instead I ran my hand along her belly.

I had spent the past few years thinking that my mother didn’t love me. Maybe she didn’t, at least not in the way I had wanted. But now that I had birthed a child and had given her up so she could be raised better than me, I saw things a bit differently. Inez had left me with Nene all those years because she couldn’t take care of me. Just like I couldn’t take care of Grace.

When I walked back into the kitchen, Inez was rubbing a chicken breast down with oil.

“She looks like you,” I offered weakly, and that was a fortunate thing. No little girl should have to walk around looking like Leap.

Inez pressed her lips together at the compliment, then her eyes went dark. “Look, like I said, things are diff—”

I cut her off. “Can I ask you a question?”

She nodded, and I continued before I could second-guess myself.

“Were you in love with my father?”

The knife slipped from her hand and made a thump on the tiny counter.

“Love ain’t a strong enough word to describe how I felt about Junior Banks.” She paused. “I worshiped the ground he walked on. We went to high school together and I always knew he was out of my league, but I couldn’t get him off my mind.” She smacked her lips.

“His family was high yella and his daddy had money. Maybe those things made me want him more. I don’t know, but I used to think if I made myself pretty enough, and did whatever he said, I could make him fall in love with me. I had a head for numbers, so I used to daydream about helping out at their funeral home keeping the books. We’d be one big happy family.” Her eyes glazed over, and she paused like she wasn’t sure that she wanted to continue. I waited patiently.