The House of Eve (36)
“He’ll be sure that it’s his?”
“Ma! What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t get testy with me. I know how these things go,” her mother sighed loudly. “Ain’t much to do but get married.”
Eleanor twirled the white cord around her finger. “I don’t want a marriage proposal like that.”
“Well, you got it like that. What other choice do you have? Can’t come back here with your head between your tail. God has given you a second chance, child. And this sounds like a good one. Best let that boy make an honest woman out of you and marry on up.”
Eleanor was too young to get married. She had planned to finish college first, have a career in archiving and then say I do. This felt like the tail wagging the dog.
“I told you that his mother can’t stand me,” she responded sullenly. “She picked someone else for him to marry. She’ll never approve.”
She had made it a point not to return to his family’s house for their many social affairs, because she couldn’t bear to be around Rose Pride after overhearing her true thoughts about her. And each time William invited her, she had an excuse at the ready; she had to work, to study, she just wasn’t feeling well. But now she had gotten herself into a fix. Two girls walked past the booth and Eleanor turned her head quickly so they wouldn’t see her face. Once they were gone, the tears fell freely.
“Oh, Mama. I’m so sorry.” Eleanor’s voice broke and cracked.
“Too late for those crocodile tears now, girl. Should have thought about all this before you gave away your milk for free.”
“Ma, why you got to say it like that?”
“You grown now. Can’t sugarcoat the truth. Ain’t nothing left to do but hope he man enough to buy the whole cow.”
Eleanor’s cry turned to hiccups.
“Wish I was there to hold you and fatten you up with a piece a pound cake.” Her mother’s voice softened, like warm butter. “But I’m not, Sugar, so you gonna have to trust that God’s gonna see you through. You been praying?”
The line crackled. “No,” she answered honestly.
“Well, that’s the problem. Can’t forget to invite the Lord in. He is bigger than all of this! He is your Creator and your Redeemer. Bow your head, child, let me pray for you.”
Eleanor skipped class and crawled back into bed, with her secret burning a hole in her stomach. As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if her thoughts would burn the secret out.
* * *
The next day William was sitting at his table in the library when she got to work. He now sat on the opposite side so he could face her during her shift. She rolled her cart of books over to his table.
“Missed you yesterday,” he said and squeezed her hand. “What time are you off?”
“I work eight hours, but maybe we can take a walk during lunch?” She forced a smile that she knew didn’t have the muscle to make it up to her eyes. What if he didn’t want her, now that she was in the family way?
William touched her hand. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little tired is all.”
“The walk will do you some good then. Come get me when you’re ready.”
Throughout her shift, Eleanor rehearsed in her mind how she would tell William the news. She had spent so much time in her head that she handed a student the wrong book and forgot to return to a patron who was waiting for her on the telephone. When Mrs. Porter chastised her for cataloguing two important finds incorrectly, she knew it was time to take a break. The anxiousness she felt at the idea of upending her life and William’s whole world made her feel like she could throw up. Grabbing her purse from beneath the desk, she motioned for him to follow her. It was now or never.
Once outside, she could smell freshly cut grass and the azaleas planted along the path just beginning to bloom. They walked hand in hand to the farthest point on campus and sat on a wooden bench facing a willow tree.
“What are you so deep in thought about?” William slid next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
“Why do you ask?”
“You are never this quiet. Talk to me.”
Eleanor fidgeted with the hem of her pleated skirt, still searching for the right words.
“Are you ill?” He made a show of feeling her neck for fever.
“I’m expecting,” she blurted.
“Expecting what?”
Eleanor looked down at her fingers in her lap. “A baby.”
William sat still for several seconds, as if in shock. Then he turned. “Are you serious?”
Eleanor nodded, sniffing back the tears that crowned her eyelids.
He stood abruptly. “Whoa. I wasn’t expecting that. Fuck,” he said between clenched teeth, and his word reverberated through her chest.
“I thought we were careful, mostly. I know this ruins everything. I’m sorry, William.”
“You’re not to blame,” he mumbled, but as he paced in front of her, she could see the weight of her confession pressing down on his shoulders.
“Damn Highland Beach. When we ran out of condoms, I should have known better. I’m studying to be a doctor for Christ’s sake.”
The sight of William holding his head and walking back and forth made her feel awful. She should have kept her legs closed. The woman was in charge when it came to sex. This was all her fault.