The Highland Fling(16)

We’re silent for a while, just enjoying our muffins and nature, until my mind starts to turn, reflecting on the last few years of my life.

I was never the best student, and it wasn’t from a lack of trying. I just didn’t . . . get it. I never truly excelled in any topic, and I settled with solid Cs my entire high school career, which didn’t translate over into college.

Higher academics weren’t looking for average.

They were looking for someone like Dakota. Perfect grades. President of the art club and the chess club—quite the brainiac. The girl took online college classes during high school, for crying out loud. And funnily enough, she quickly realized college was going to be a waste of her time once she found a niche in the social media marketing community. She’s paid well, constantly has work flowing in, has built a phenomenal portfolio, and continues to grow.

I was the one who wanted to go to college. My parents didn’t know that. They never knew about the applications, and I was sure to always grab the mail before them. I wanted it to be a surprise. To show them that even though they were constantly on me about getting my grades up, I could do things on my own and go to college, major in business, be my own event planner. But every time I picked up the mail, I was greeted with rejection after rejection.

With every pass, every apology letter from a university, it became blatantly clear that my parents were right—I couldn’t do it.

I had to get out of their house, away from their disappointed faces. Once again, I’d let them down.

Los Angeles held promise, but I was still just average. Never truly excelling.

“This isn’t how I expected things to go for us,” I say quietly.

“You mean bouncing off to Scotland out of the blue?”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that, but I also wasn’t expecting to be put in a situation where bouncing off to Scotland was really my only chance at repairing myself.” I sigh and lean back on one hand as I tilt my head up to the sky. “I’m twenty-four and don’t have much to show for it. I was so sure I knew what I wanted to do. Move to Los Angeles, make connections, get into the party-planning scene . . .” What a joke that was. Three-time personal assistant with nothing to show for it besides knowing where every Starbucks is in Hollywood. Pathetic. “At least you know you’re good at graphic design—you can easily do that wherever you go. But I don’t really know who I am.” Tears well up in my eyes. My throat grows tight as hopelessness overtakes me, a dark cloud ready to pour down.

“Your job doesn’t define you as a person, Bonnie.”

“But it gives you purpose. I haven’t felt purpose in a while, not since . . . hell, I don’t think I’ve ever felt purpose. I haven’t felt genuinely needed. Even with Harry, he never truly needed me. And I know I didn’t need him, but that breakup was painful because it was another blow to my self-esteem, another thing that made me wonder if maybe . . . maybe I’m not important enough.”

“Stop it,” Dakota says, reaching over and taking my hand. “You’re important to me. Ever since you helped me take down Tijuana and Theresa on the handball court.” I snort. “I’m serious, though, Bonnie. You are very important. I need you. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know how I would have made it through my breakup with Isabella. And even before that, you were . . . you are my other half. We complete each other, and you might not feel important, but you are vastly important to me.”

And that does it to me. My tears spill over, and I let out a low sob. Dakota scoots closer as she wraps her arm around my shoulders and squeezes tight.

“Do you realize how valuable you are to me?” Dakota asks as I try to gain control of my emotions. “Like I said, I never would have made it through my breakup with Isabella without you. You have been my confidante, my rock, my laughter, my entertainment. I don’t just choose you as a best friend because you’ve been in my life for what seems like forever—I choose you because I rely on you, because I need you . . . I always have.”

And cue more tears.

Damn it, Dakota.

“You know I value our friendship, right?” I ask, wiping away my tears.

“I know.”

“It’s also gotten me through all the tough times, and I’m proud we’ve made it through all the ups and downs.”

“But . . . ?” Dakota says with a chuckle.

“It doesn’t feel like enough, and I don’t want that to sound mean—”

“I understand what you’re trying to say. You need more in your life. There’s purpose behind our friendship, but you want that individual purpose too. You want to feel like you’re accomplishing something.”

“Exactly. And I have no idea what that is. I thought moving to Los Angeles and working closely with celebrities would spark something within me, but looking back over those years, nothing grabbed me, nothing made me feel excited. And the personal-assistant jobs I had weren’t all mundane tasks—I did do some fun things, but those small moments never amounted to what I thought I wanted to do.”

“Event planning?” Dakota asks.

I nod. “Yeah, even thinking about it now . . . do I really want to throw parties? Or was I just good at attending them in high school?”

“You were the life of the party,” Dakota says with a smirk when I glance at her.