The Guilt Trip(62)
“It doesn’t help that she came out of it unscathed, of course,” says Chrissy. “I honestly think she would have coped better if she’d been injured in some way. Because at least then she would have gotten what she thought she deserved.”
Rachel audibly gasps and instinctively goes to put her hand to her mouth, but Paige stops it in mid-flow, discreetly taking hold of her wrist and lowering it, as if a show of emotion might detrimentally affect whatever Chrissy says next.
Whatever Ali may have told Rachel about the accident, she’d certainly not confessed to being the driver and causing it. Who would?
Had she momentarily lost her concentration? Been going too fast and lost control? Rachel shudders at the thought that she might have been drunk, having convinced her mother that she was fine. But then she would have been arrested and would no doubt be carrying a criminal record. Rachel looks to Paige, wondering if she’s thinking the same thing.
“She should be thankful,” says Paige, taking a gamble. “It’s a miracle that she was able to walk away from the wreck that was left. Not many people would have survived it, let alone come away unhurt.”
Chrissy looks at Paige for a moment, as if wondering how much she knows and how far she can trust her.
“Well, it was thought that her weight cushioned her from much of the impact,” says Chrissy.
“Her weight?” repeats Rachel, unable to see how someone so slight could be protected against the ravaged metal of a stricken car.
Chrissy half-laughs as she looks down at herself. “Yes, apparently there are some advantages to being morbidly obese.”
Rachel’s mouth drops open as her brain struggles to compute what Chrissy’s suggesting. Morbidly obese? Ali? That just wasn’t possible. She’d always been slim, hadn’t she? “I guess I’m one of the lucky ones,” she’d said just yesterday.
“I don’t understand…” she starts, before Paige cuts her off by saying, “She’s done so well to lose it all.”
“Yes,” agrees Chrissy.
“Have you got a picture of you two?” asks Paige, as casually as she can. “It’d be great to see you as teenagers together.”
Chrissy’s hand instinctively goes to the bag that’s hanging across her, as if creating a barrier. “Erm, I don’t think Ali would be too happy about me showing pictures of her past to all and sundry,” she says, shifting from one foot to another.
“Ah, no worries,” says Paige. “It’s just that she’s already told us about what she went through back then. In fact, she mentioned her weight just the other day, didn’t she, Rach?”
Rachel nods, but she and Paige both know that it wasn’t in the way that Chrissy might imagine.
“I’d love to be able to put it into context,” Paige goes on. “But I’m sure she’ll show me when she’s got a minute, once she’s back from honeymoon and all that business.”
Chrissy looks around furtively, as if she’s about to give out class-A drugs in a school playground.
Rachel hopes that she’s not going to get her phone out, because there’s nothing to be gained from either her or Paige seeing the photos.
“I’ll just show you one quickly,” says Chrissy as she flicks a finger over the screen. “If Ali has already spoken to you.” She looks directly at Rachel.
Rachel wants to shake her head and tell her to put it away. She doesn’t want Ali’s lifelong friend to get into trouble for revealing something she hasn’t chosen to herself. But then she wonders if it’s not Ali that’s let Chrissy down, by pretending to remove any semblance of the person she once was.
19
“Can you believe it?” says Paige as soon as they’re out of earshot of Chrissy.
The photo had shown her and Ali, as early twenty-somethings, sitting in a back garden on a sunny day. At first, it was impossible to tell who was who, as they were both so far removed from the women they are today. But slowly, Ali’s sunburned features had presented themselves from under a mane of frizzy red hair.
“I mean, she was huge,” Paige goes on, as they go in search of Jack and Noah and a much-needed drink.
“It doesn’t matter how overweight she was,” says Rachel impatiently. “It’s why she lies about it. That’s the bit I don’t get.”
“She can’t stop herself,” says Paige. “She lies about everything. That’s why we have to take her denial that anything’s going on with Jack with a pinch of salt.”
Rachel grimaces at the reminder, but a part of her wonders if Ali’s propensity to lie might actually work in her favor. It would certainly cast doubt on any revelations she cared to expose about Rachel and Noah.
“Here they are!” exclaims Jack, leaning on the bar with a beer in his hand. Rachel had hoped that he might pace himself today, but if a few pints help to restore the equilibrium with Noah, she’s all for it.
“We were waiting for you to bring us a drink, remember?” Paige bites back. If Rachel knows Paige at all, she knows that it’s going to take all her resolve not to show her indignation at what Jack’s doing with Ali. Even in the best of circumstances, they had a cat-and-mouse relationship, taking turns to dangle the cheese. But with this time bomb ticking noisily underneath them all, it just feels like a matter of minutes before Paige lights the fuse.