The Guilt Trip(49)
She brings the binoculars up to her eyes again, as if questioning whether it really is Paige and Ali. For a moment, she thinks they must have both been seeing things, as she can’t see any sign of them, but then she trains the lenses to the right of the surf shack, and there they are, deep in conversation. Rachel tries to interpret their body language; Paige is by far the most assertive, with her hands on her hips and her head cocked to the side. While Ali seems to be doing most of the talking, gesticulating wildly with her hands.
For a moment, Rachel allows herself to believe that they’ve either, quite literally, just run into each other, or, worst-case scenario, Paige is taking Ali to task over how she’s been behaving around Jack. Could Ali be offering her an explanation? Might Paige be telling her that she’ll be keeping a close eye on her from now on?
It’s the best Rachel can hope for as her brain scrambles to comprehend what is happening.
“So, let’s assume Ali saw and heard everything last night,” she says, breathlessly. “And she’s telling Paige right now.…”
“Then we’re fucked.” Noah grimaces as he finishes her sentence.
Rachel’s chest hurts at the thought of her best friend finding out she’s been deceived all this time.
“We should have told them,” she says. “Right at the beginning.”
Noah looks at her. “About that night, or about Josh?”
“For God’s sake, this has got nothing to do with Josh. You’ve got nothing to do with Josh.”
She’ll not allow the look on his face to put her off saying what needs to be said. “If we’d just been honest, right from the word go, we wouldn’t be in this position. You hadn’t even met Paige when we—”
“The only person you needed to be honest with was me,” says Noah pointedly, crushing the very bones of her.
“Why did you have to do what you did last night?” she wails. “Everything would have been fine if you’d just—”
“Ignored the possibility that Josh might be mine,” says Noah caustically.
“He’s not…” she cries. “How many more times?”
“Listen,” says Noah, grabbing hold of her arms in an attempt to jolt her out of the downward spiral she’s descending into. “Let’s think about this logically. Why would Ali want to tell Paige?”
He looks at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to see sense.
“They don’t even like each other,” he says. “Why would Ali want to jeopardize your relationship with Paige? Or Jack, for that matter. She’s nothing to gain from it.”
Rachel teeters on the brink of telling him how wrong he’s got it. That’s exactly what Ali will be looking to do if she and Jack are having an affair: if there’s any part of him that is questioning his loyalty to his wife, that’s making him feel guilty for cheating on her, then Ali telling him that Rachel and Noah have slept together will go a long way to assuaging any remorse he may have.
She trains the binoculars on them again, searching in the background for Jack, whom Ali’s sure to have told before Paige. Is he waiting in the wings, ready to comfort Paige for the grave injustice that’s been sustained by them both? Will they hatch a plan—the three of them together—to wreak their revenge?
Paige might even give their affair her blessing once she finds out her best friend isn’t quite the friend she thought she was.
“Paige is going to kill me,” says Rachel. “Just after Jack kills you.”
The pair of them look at each other and it feels as if time is standing still. Rachel so wishes that it would. Like in those movies, when everything is freeze-framed while the main character goes about putting everyone in the position they want them to be in. But then she wonders if the rewind button wouldn’t be more useful here, so that she could backtrack to when her husband wasn’t having an affair, and to before his mistress discovered her darkest secret.
15
Rachel’s hiding in her room when Jack comes back from the run she was sure he’d pretended to go on. If he was with Ali, he’s going to know everything by now, as is Paige. Her heart stops as she contemplates getting through the day with their newfound knowledge emanating from every pore of their beings.
She wouldn’t be able to bear it. She’d have to take the coward’s way out and go home, with her life in ruins. She’d lose her husband, her best friend, the family she’s come to adore and the son she couldn’t love any more if she tried. It takes everything she has to stop herself from crying out at the power Ali has over her.
“That was tough,” says Jack, sounding unbelievably normal.
She dares herself to look at him. He is suitably puffed out, with sweat staining the collar of his T-shirt and marking the length of his spine on the back.
“The hill coming back up from the beach is a killer,” he goes on, as she watches him numbly. “I’m going to jump in the shower.”
He groans as he steps under the warm water and, in normal circumstances, she wouldn’t mind joining him, but not now. She can’t help but wonder if she ever will again.
“Hello,” comes a voice from the other side of the bedroom door. “Are you in there?”
The hackles go up on Rachel’s neck at the sound of Ali’s saccharine-sweet voice, so adept at disguising her ominous intentions. She stays silent, intrigued to see what Ali will do if she thinks Jack’s alone. Jump straight in the shower with him, she doesn’t doubt.