The Golden Lily (Bloodlines #2)(94)

But this? This was just me staring and staring, hoping I was "staying fixed" and using

"razor sharp focus." How would I know if I was? Even if I achieved that state, it might still take a while to manifest what I needed. I tried not to think of that yet. Sonya. Sonya was all that mattered right now. All of my will and energy had to go into saving her.

I kept telling myself that as the minutes ticked by. Each time I was certain I should stop and ask Ms. Terwilliger what to do, I would force myself to keep looking into the water. Sonya, Sonya. Think about Sonya. And still, nothing happened. Finally, when an ache in my back made sitting unbearable, I stood up to stretch. The rest of my muscles were starting to cramp up too. I walked back to the living room; almost an hour and a half had passed since I'd last been out here.

"Anything?" asked Ms. Terwilliger.

"No," I said. "I must be doing something wrong."

"You're focusing your mind? Thinking about her? About finding her?" I was really tired of hearing the word focus. Frustration was replacing my earlier anxiety about magic. "Yes, yes, and yes," I said. "But it's still not working." She shrugged. "And that's why we have a curfew extension. Try again." Adrian flashed me a sympathetic look and started to say something - but then thought better of it. I nearly left but paused as a troublesome thought nagged at me.

"What if she's not alive?" I asked. "Could that be why it's not working?" Ms. Terwilliger shook her head. "No. You'd still see something if she wasn't. And... well, you'd know."

I returned to the workroom and tried again - with similar results. The next time I went to talk to Ms. Terwilliger, I saw that it hadn't been quite an hour. "I'm doing something wrong," I insisted. "Either that, or I messed up the initial spell. Or this really is beyond me."

"If I know you, the spell was flawless," she said. "And no, this isn't beyond you, but only you have the power to make it happen."

I was too tired to parse her esoteric philosophy nonsense. I turned without a word and trudged back to the workroom. When I reached it, I discovered I'd been followed. I looked up at Adrian and sighed.

"No distractions, remember?" I said.

"I won't stay," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah... I mean, I don't know. In as much as anyone can be with all of this." I nodded toward the silver plate. "Maybe I do need you to get me out of here." He considered for a moment and then shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea." I stared up at him in disbelief. "What happened to me not having to do anything I didn't want to do? And you nobly defending me?"

One of his knowing little smiles played over his lips. "Well. That was back when you didn't want to do this because it challenged all your beliefs. Now that the line is crossed, your problem seems to be a little pessimism and not believing you can do this. And honestly, that's bullshit."

"A little pessimism?" I exclaimed. "Adrian, I've been staring at a bowl of water for over two hours! It's nearly one thirty. I'm exhausted, I want coffee, and every muscle in my body hurts.

Oh, and I'm about ready to throw up from that incense."

"Those things all suck," he agreed. "But I seem to recall you giving all of us lectures recently about enduring hardships to do what's right. Are you saying you can't do that to help Sonya?"

"I would do anything to help her! Anything within my power, that is. And I don't think this is."

"I don't know," he speculated. "I've had a lot of time to talk to Jackie - she lets me call her that, you know - and I've learned all about this human magic stuff. There's a lot you can do with it."

"It's wrong," I grumbled.

"And yet here you are, with the ability to find Sonya." Adrian hesitated and then, reaching some decision, stepped toward me and rested his hands on my shoulders. "Jackie told me that you're one of the most naturally gifted people she's ever encountered for this kind of stuff.

She said that with a little practice, a spell like this'll be cake for you, and she's certain you can pull it off now. And I believe her. Not because I have proof you're magically talented but because I've seen how you approach everything else. You won't fail at this. You don't fail at anything." I was so exhausted I thought I might cry. I wanted to fall forward and have him carry me out of here, like he'd promised earlier. "That's the problem. I don't fail, but I'm afraid I will now.

I don't know what it's like. And it terrifies me." Especially because Sonya's life depends on me.

Adrian reached out and traced the lily on my cheek. "You won't have to find out what it's like tonight because you aren't going to fail. You can do this. And I'll be here with you as long as it takes, okay?"

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. "Okay." I returned to my stool after he left and tried to ignore the fatigue in my body and mind. I thought about what he'd said, about how I wouldn't fail. I thought about his faith in me. And most importantly, I thought about Sonya. I thought about how desperately I wanted to help her.

All these things churned within me as I stared at the water, crystal clear except for the hair floating in it. One red line against all that silver. It was like a spark of fire, a spark that grew brighter and brighter in my eyes until it took on a more definite shape, a circle with stylized lines radiating from it. A sun, I realized. Someone had painted an orange sun onto a piece of plywood and hung it on a chain-link fence. Even with the shoddy canvas, the artist had gone to a lot of care in painting the sun, stylizing the rays and making sure the lengths were consistent with each other. The fence itself was ugly and industrial, and I caught sight of what looked like an electrifying box hanging on it. The landscape was brown and barren, but mountains in the distance told me it was still the greater Palm Springs area. This was kind of like the area Wolfe lived in, outside of town and away from the pretty greenery. Through the fence, beyond the sign, I caught sight of a large, sprawling building -