The Girls Who Disappeared(88)

It had taken her a while to agree to her mother’s request. But now she feels ready, although she avoids her gaze as she pulls out a plastic chair. She can’t start feeling sorry for her now. As she sits down she casts her eye around the room where more than a dozen other interactions between the female inmates and their loved ones are taking place.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Her mother’s voice cracks. ‘I’m sorry for what I did and for never telling you, for letting you wonder about your friends for all these years. I hid it all, the business with Jay, the drugs, everything because I didn’t want to implicate you or drag you into the murky world I found myself in. I was angry that Jay had recruited Wesley.’

But Olivia doesn’t want to talk about that. She doesn’t want to hear excuses. She’s tried to get on with her life in Stafferbury. It hasn’t been easy but she’s getting through it. She’s finally grown up and is standing on her own two feet.

They fall silent, although Olivia can see the barely suppressed emotion behind her mother’s rictus smile.

‘The stables are doing well,’ Olivia says, to break the tension. ‘Jay got what he wanted with the tourism. It’s thriving since the truth came out.’

At the mention of Jay her mother’s face falls and she looks down at her hands.

‘I’ve employed a yard manager,’ Olivia continues. ‘A woman around my age called Violet. She’s a bit of a loner too. No husband or kids. She’s been a lifeline, and has become a good friend. And I have a proper accountant now to do the books. And two part-time helpers who come and muck out the horses.’

Her mother looks up. ‘How did you find the money?’

Thankfully, the riding stables had been run legitimately, so the police didn’t seize it after the drugs ring was broken. ‘I’ve begun renting one of the outbuildings as an Airbnb. Borrowed some money from the bank.’

‘I’m proud of you,’ she says softly, her eyes sparkling.

Olivia swallows the lump in her throat. She hardens herself. ‘Have you heard about Wesley?’

Her mother shakes her head.

‘He’s got twelve years. He admitted to theft and drug-dealing and possession of class-A substances. He’s got away with what he did to me, though.’

‘I’m sorry I got him so wrong. I thought he was your Gatsby.’

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, Mum,’ Olivia hisses, causing her mother to shrink back in her seat, like she’s been slapped. ‘Why do you still hold on to all these ridiculous romantic notions? You do know what happened to Gatsby, don’t you?’

‘Of course I do. I’ve read the book enough times.’

Olivia gives a hollow laugh. ‘It sounds like John-Paul was more your Gatsby. Look what you did to him.’

‘Please don’t be bitter, Olivia. I want you to find love.’

‘Well, I don’t want it, thanks very much.’ She takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to argue. She’s getting on with her life and she’s happy. Sort of. She’s got a new friend in Violet and she keeps in touch with Jenna. It’s more than she deserves. She tries not to resent her mother. She still loves her, despite everything.

‘Will you come and see me again?’ her mother asks, when their session has ended.

Olivia stands up. ‘Of course I will,’ she says briskly.

This is what their relationship will be like now, she sees, snatched conversations across tables in prison visiting rooms. Her mother has an eight-year sentence for manslaughter. She changed her plea to guilty in the end in exchange for a lighter sentence but she’ll still be in her early seventies by the time she’s allowed out.

She can feel her mother’s eyes on her as she leaves the room. It’s not until she’s outside, away from people, that she lets the tears flow freely down her cheeks.

On the train home she calls Jenna. They speak once every few weeks. Olivia is hoping to get up to Manchester soon.

‘Still not driving, then?’ Jenna asks now.

‘I will. I promise. I need to do a refresher course or something. It’s been a long time.’

Jenna’s voice softens. ‘And how did it go today?’

Olivia glances out of the window at the countryside rushing past. ‘As well as could be expected. Mum looked okay, though, so that’s good. She hasn’t been beaten up or anything. How are you?’

Jenna lets out a deep breath. ‘I’m okay. The house is on the market. I’m staying in it with Finn until it’s sold. Anyway, eventually Gavin will have Finn every other weekend.’

‘So the divorce is definitely going ahead?’

‘Yes. Finding out about Clara has moved things along.’ She gives a bitter laugh. Olivia wasn’t surprised to hear that Gavin had fallen for another woman, a work colleague ten years his junior. She could hear Jenna fighting back tears when she first told her not long after returning home. ‘It’s not a surprise and I actually feel okay about it.’ She laughs. ‘Well, no, that’s a lie. I’m fucking furious about it but I’ll get over it. At least I have Finn and, on the occasion I do need to stay overnight somewhere, my mum looks after him. Finding out about Clara gave me the ammunition I needed. Gavin has no choice but to be reasonable now.’

‘And what about Dale?’