The Girl with the Louding Voice(21)

“That is a very good style,” I say.

“Every day, when I come back from market with my mama”—she wipe the style, and press her finger into the sand, draw another—“I draw a dress of many styles. When I close my eyes”—she press her eyeslids close—“I can see all the womens in the village wearing my style.”

She open her eyes, give me a sad smile. “I wish I am a man, but I am not, so I do the next thing I can do. I marry a man.”

I think on what she say a moment, the sense of her words.

“I am praying to God that my husband is kind so that he will send me to learn tailor,” she say. “And you, Adunni. What you want to become in life?”

“Teacher,” I say. I been wanting to be teacher since I was two years of age. Even before my mama was dead, I was always teaching the trees and leafs in our compound when Mama is frying her puff-puff for selling. I will slap my stick on the root of the mango tree and say to it: “You, Mango, what is one plus one?” Then I will answer the answer myself: “One plus one is equals to two, Teacher Adunni!”

I smile at the memory of it. “I want to keep teaching the childrens in the village,” I say to Kike. “To give them better life. But now that I marry your father, all of that is didn’t possible.”

She shake her head. “Close your eyes and be doing the teacher in your mind,” she say. “Do it, close your eyes. Think it with your mind.”

At first I am only seeing the dark cloth, but as I shift the cloth and I look deep, deep inside of me, I bring myself out and put myself inside the classroom, then I am holding chalk and writing on the blackboard. Behind me, the childrens are wearing white and red uniforms, sitting on the bench and hearing me as I am teaching them all the things that Teacher was teaching me before I was leaving school.

I feel a rush of something free in that moment. Is so strong that I open my eyes quick. A laugh jump out of my mouth, shock me.

Kike give me another smile. “See? I tell you, Adunni, even if you marry my father and you think all your hope is finish, your mind is not finishing. Inside of your mind, you can be the teacher you want.” She stand to her feets. “You like to be reading books, so feed your mind with reading of any book you find, maybe in the dustbins of Idanra town or some cheap ones in the market. One day, maybe you become that teacher, maybe not. Tomorrow I go to meet my new husband’s family, but inside of my mind, I am Kike the tailor. Wish me well.”

When she leave me be, I close my eyes a moment, trying to become teacher in my mind, but the dark cloth is everywhere in my head, and the pepper in my hands is pinching my skin.





CHAPTER 13

Yesternight, Khadija ask me to follow her to midwife.

Her pregnants is nearing eight months. Since last week, she be walking as if there are two tires between her legs. She also keep moaning when she is in the kitchen, keeping her voice down, thinking nobody hear it. But I hear it, and when I ask if all is okay with her baby, she say yes. But yesternight, as she climb the mat and fold herself near me and I start to sing for the baby, she shake her head, say, “Stop, Adunni. No singing for today, please.” When I ask her why, because she didn’t ever, ever ask me to stop singing before, she say, “I am afraid, Adunni. I am afraid that maybe this baby is coming too early.”

“Why?” I ask when she talk about baby coming down. “Is something not correct with baby?”

“Yes,” she say.

“You think it or you know it?” I ask.

She sort of frown, big her eyes. “I know it. This is my number four pregnant, Adunni. I know when a baby wants to come out and when it want to stay up. This one wants to come out. It need another four or five weeks before it is a strong baby to come out. Not now. I must see midwife tomorrow morning. This baby is a boy-baby. It cannot die.”

“How you know it is a boy?” I ask. “Someone look inside your stomach, check it sure?”

“I know it,” she say. “When Morufu say he will not give my family food if this is not a boy-child, I do something to make it sure.” She low her head, like she is sad somehow. “What I do is a shame, but I didn’t have choice. I cannot born another girl-child, Adunni. You know it. What will my papa and mama eat if I born a girl-child? This one is a boy. It cannot die. Follow me tomorrow morning. First light.”

I didn’t sleep well after that. I keep thinking, what she do to make sure her baby is a boy? I keep my eyes open, thinking far deep inside the night, sometimes checking Khadija, checking her stomach, because I am fearing what if the baby just climb out and die? If I call Morufu, Labake will beat me stupid because tonight is her night to sleep with Morufu.

But thank God, the baby manage and keep hisself till this morning.

“Where is the midwife’s house?” I ask her after my morning baff. “Will you tell your husband that I am following you to midwife?” I am talking whisper to her, even though we are in her room, far from Morufu and Labake. I been his wife nearly three months now, but I cannot be bringing myself to call Morufu “our husband.” Is just something my mouth cannot never talk. When I try it last time, my tongue hook itself, so I keep it to calling him “your husband” when I am talking to Khadija. She understand it, I understand it.

She shake her head. “I tell him I am going to visit my mother,” she say. “That you are following me to help me carry my bag.”