The Girl the Sea Gave Back(52)

Gunther’s boots shifted on the rocks outside and Jorrund’s voice lifted over the sound of the camp. He appeared in the opening a moment later. “Come, Tova. I need you.”

But I knew what he needed. I’d known since an attack on Hylli was first ordered. He wanted me to cast the runes before battle. He wanted to paint my hands with blood again.

“No.” The word was weak, and I didn’t even have the courage to look at him when it fell from my lips. It was the first time I’d ever said no to Jorrund. It was the first time I’d ever denied him anything at all.

He stilled before me, speechless.

“The last time I cast the stones, you killed every man, woman, and child in the glade and in Utan. I won’t do it again. Not ever. If you want to take Hylli, you’ll have to do it alone.”

My fingers brushed over the axe head in my lap, tracing the shape of the yew tree etched into the shining steel. I wouldn’t do it to Hylli. And I wouldn’t do it to Halvard.

“Tova…” Jorrund struggled to keep his voice even.

“I told you.” I looked up at him from the top of my gaze. “This is a mistake.”

But he couldn’t hear me. His face was twisted with his own thoughts, his mind racing. “I saved your life. I’ve treated you as my own.” He murmured, “I’ve given you everything.”

“Everything except the truth,” I amended.

His lips pulled back to reveal his teeth. “What?”

“What did the Spinner tell you about me? Who am I?”

“She told me nothing about you.”

“Who am I, Jorrund?” I pressed. “Please.”

“I don’t know!” He tucked his shaking hands into his robes, surprised by the flare of his own temper. He closed his eyes, breathing before he spoke again. “The only thing I know is that Eydis brought you to us. To me. I’ve told you the story.”

“There’s something else. Something you’re not telling me. I’ve always known it. But I thought, in time … I thought I could trust you,” I whispered.

“Tova.” His voice softened. “Listen to me.”

“No.” I said the word again, and this time, it wasn’t small. It filled the air between us.

A sharp glint flickered in his eyes like the strike of fire-steel. “I have done nothing but care for you since the day I found you on that half-burned boat. Your own people—”

“What?” I rasped, his words trailing off in the sudden storm swirling in my mind. I got to my feet, my hands finding the rune stones. “What did you say?”

“I said that all I’ve ever done is—”

“You said half-burned boat.”

“What? No, I…” He stumbled over the words, trying to pull them back away from me.

But it was too late. “You never told me the boat was half-burned.”

“I’ve told you about the boat a hundred times.”

“You just said it was half-burned when you found me. You never told me that before.”

“What does it matter?” He flung a hand at me. “Your people didn’t want you, Tova. They cast you off.”

But something about those words didn’t feel right anymore, even though I’d said them a thousand times myself. I closed my eyes, seeing the water again. The silver stream of bubbles. A string of bones glittering in sunlight.

That felt real.

I held my hands out before me, my palms down so that the marks were between us.

Yarrow and henbane. Life and death.

I blinked, sending one hot tear down my cold cheek. If the boat was burned, it wasn’t holding a ritual sacrifice. It was a funeral boat. It had to be. The Kyrr hadn’t cast me out. They hadn’t given me up as an offering to Naer.

“I wasn’t a sacrifice.” I said it aloud, like an incantation.

Jorrund’s jaw clenched, his voice tightening. “What are you talking about?”

“It was a funeral boat, wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t burned, Tova. I said that by mistake. I burned the boat. Don’t you remember?”

I did remember the flames on the beach. But I knew Jorrund’s face. Every wrinkle. Every edge of expression. It was the only face that ever dared to look into mine until the day I saw Halvard in the glade. And I could see the lie there more clearly than I’d ever seen it before. A broken smile lifted on my lips.

I walked toward the opening of the tent but he stepped in front of me, his hands raised before him. “I’m sorry. Please, we have to—”

“Move.” I leveled my eyes at him, my voice dropping low.

“Tova…”

I went around him, and Gunther looked up, watching as I walked straight for the forest. Jorrund called out, his voice echoing in the camp, and when I heard the sound of boots, I looked back to see silhouettes moving toward me. I picked up my skirts, clutching them to my chest, and ran into the trees. My breath fogged out in bursts and I tried to focus my eyes to see, but it was too dark. The shapes moved in the fog, making me feel like I wasn’t running in one direction. The forest whirled around me and I slammed into the trunk of a tree, my sleeve tearing as it caught on the bark. I ripped it free and didn’t look back as the voices drew closer, running with the glow of the camp behind me until I was wrenched back and I hit the ground hard.