The Forest of Vanishing Stars(66)

“But how do you speak such perfect German if you were raised by a savage in the wilderness?”

“Jerusza wasn’t a savage. She was…” Yona trailed off, for how could she explain the old woman? Words could never be enough. “She believed that the more knowledge we possess, the better prepared we are to face the world. She taught me things. How to survive. Many languages.”

“And this—this woman? She harmed you, Inge?” The anger in his voice was barely controlled. “Where is she now?”

“She died. And no, she never harmed me.” But wasn’t that a lie? She had stolen a well-cared-for child from her home and made a desperate, hungry warrior out of her.

“But what, then, was her motive?” His face had reddened, and a thick vein bulged in his neck now. “Why us? Why you?” Yona didn’t say anything for a moment, and at her silence, her father sat heavily on one of the sofas and put his head in his hands. “Why?” he whispered. “Tell me why.”

“I don’t know.” Yona hesitated before adding, “She always said she was saving me.”

He looked up in astonishment. “Saving you? From what? A warm, safe home with parents who loved you?”

The words sliced into her deeply. “Did you?” she asked in a small voice. “Love me?”

“Of course I did. I’m your father.” His voice broke, and he stood abruptly. He began to pace. “She destroyed us, Inge. She made a fool of me.”

“Jerusza said…” Yona paused and swallowed. “She said you were bad people.”

“We were bad people?” He choked out a strained laugh. “She kidnapped our child! That’s a bit like throwing stones in a glass house, no?”

“But here you are now, overseeing the murder of many innocents. So perhaps she wasn’t so wrong.”

Anguish washed over his features. “The orders are never mine, Inge. You must understand that.”

“But you carry them out.”

“What choice do I have?”

She held his gaze. “You always have a choice.”

He stood quickly and began to pace. “No. It is easy for you to say that. You do not know what it’s like. To go against commands I’m given would be to lose my life.”

“And instead, thousands of people should lose theirs?”

“You don’t know!” His eyes were alight, almost feverish, as he whirled on her. “You don’t understand! There will be peace here the moment they all stop fighting back!”

“And the Jews?” Yona asked softly. “There will be peace for the Jews, too, in this world you imagine?”

“The Jews?” He seemed to choke on the word, as if the taste of it was vile. He began to pace again. “The Jews worked against Germany in the Great War, Inge. Do you understand that? The German army was winning, and it was the Jews who destroyed it all at home. It was the Jews who brought war upon us in the first place, too, you realize. They control everything, the banks, in and out of Europe. You understand? If we allow them to gain the upper hand again, they will destroy Germany. The Jews are a poisonous race who live off German wealth and weaken us. We must destroy them before they destroy us.”

Yona stared at him. “That’s nonsense, all of it. You think that thousands, maybe millions, of people deserve to die so that Germany can rise? You believe that there’s any God who would condone that?”

“You were raised in the wild by a madwoman. You know nothing of God.”

“Yes, I do.” She waited until he looked at her. “You do, too. You know in your heart that what you’re doing is an affront to him. I can see it in your eyes.” She knew she had gone too far, but still, she pressed on. “Won’t you do the right thing and release the nuns?”

He stared at her in disbelief. “Again with the nuns? You ask as if any of us has a choice. You ask as if fate is in your hands or mine.”

“But it is. Isn’t it?”

He opened his mouth as if to respond, but then he shut it again and stormed abruptly out of the room, heading for the stairs. A moment later, she heard the slam of a bedroom door.

Yona looked to the door of the house. If she left now, if she could somehow slip past the soldiers out front, she could run for the woods and be gone before Jüttner knew she was missing. But in doing so, she would seal the nuns’ fate. Jüttner had said that if she came home with him, the nuns would be safe. She needed to stay, at least until she could figure out a way to persuade him to order their release. But then what?

Eventually she walked upstairs and entered the room he’d said was hers, a small bedroom with a squat bed covered in a lacy cream quilt. Atop it, neatly laid out, was a nightgown that appeared as if it would fit her. She closed the door behind her and picked the gown up, feeling the diaphanous fabric slip between her fingers, and then she set it back down again. She couldn’t imagine a world in which she’d wear something so impractical, even to sleep. On the nightstand was a small, clear globe with several trees inside, a dusting of snow on the ground. When Yona picked it up to look more closely, the snow shifted. Entranced, she turned it over and then flipped it back, watching the snow drift slowly, silently down under the glass dome. It made her long suddenly, powerfully, for the safety of her beloved forest.