The Flatshare(96)

1. Try very hard not to think about the judges’ verdict.

2. Get restraining order.

3. Talk to Mo and Gerty about, well, Mo and Gerty.

4. Buy milk.

I fidget, waiting for him to appear, and then give up and reach for my phone. I’ll just have to listen out for the shower.

‘Hello?’ comes Gerty’s muffled voice down the line.

‘Hi!’

‘Oh thank God,’ Gerty says, and I can almost hear her slumping back against the pillows again. ‘You and Leon worked things out?’

‘Yeah, we worked things out,’ I tell her.

‘Oh, and you slept with him?’

I grin. ‘Your radar’s back on.’

‘So I haven’t ruined everything?’

‘You haven’t ruined everything. Although, to be clear, it would have been Justin who ruined everything, not you.’

‘God, you are feeling benevolent. Were you safe?’

‘Yes, Mother, we were safe. Were you and Mo safe when you made up this morning?’ I ask sweetly.

‘Don’t,’ Gerty says. ‘It’s bad enough me thinking about Mo’s penis, you shouldn’t have to do it too.’

I laugh. ‘Can we have coffee tomorrow, just the three of us? I want to hear about how you got together. Vaguely, and with no penis-related details.’

‘And talk about how to get a restraining order?’ Gerty suggests.

‘Is that Tiffy?’ I hear Mo say in the background.

‘So sweet that he hears “restraining order” and thinks of me,’ I say, heart sinking a little at the change of subject. ‘But yeah. We should talk about that.’

‘Do you feel safe?’

‘Are we back on the contraception subject again?’

‘Tiffy.’ Gerty has never stood for my arts of deflection. ‘Do you feel safe in the flat?’

‘With Leon here, yeah.’

‘OK. Good. But even so, we need to talk about getting an emergency injunction to cover you before the hearing.’

‘An— wait, there’s a hearing?’

‘Let the poor woman think,’ Mo says in the background. ‘I’m glad you and Leon are good again, Tiffy!’ he calls.

‘Thanks, Mo.’

‘Have I killed your buzz?’ Gerty asks.

‘A little. But it’s all right. I’ve still got Rachel to call.’

‘Yes, go discuss all the sordid details with Rachel,’ Gerty says. ‘Coffee tomorrow, text us where and when.’

‘See you,’ I say, hanging up and pausing to listen.

The shower is still on. I call Rachel.

‘Sex?’ she says when she answers the phone.

I laugh. ‘No thanks, I’m taken.’

‘I knew it! You guys made up?’

‘And then some,’ I say, in an exaggeratedly sexy sort of way.

‘Details! Details!’

‘I’ll fill you in properly on Monday. But . . . I have discovered that my boobs have been underperforming for my entire adult life.’

‘Ah yes,’ Rachel says knowledgeably. ‘A common problem. You know there are . . .’

‘Shh!’ I hiss. The shower’s stopped. ‘Got to go!’

‘Don’t leave me hanging like this! I was going to tell you all about nipples!’

‘Leon is going to find it very weird that I have rung around my best friends after sex,’ I whisper. ‘It’s early days. I still have to pretend to be normal.’

‘Fine, but I’m scheduling in a two-hour meeting on Monday morning. Subject: Boobs 101.’

I hang up and a moment later Leon wanders in in his towel, hair smoothed back, shoulders gleaming with droplets, and pauses to examine my to-do list.

‘Seems manageable,’ he says, opening the door and reaching in for the orange juice. ‘How’re Gerty and Rachel?’

‘What?’

He smiles at me over his shoulder. ‘Do you want me to get back in? I figured I only needed to allow for two phone calls, since Gerty would be with Mo.’

I feel my cheeks flushing. ‘Oh, I, uh . . .’

He leans over, orange juice in hand, and kisses me on the lips. ‘Don’t worry,’ he says. ‘I plan on remaining blissfully unaware of how much you overshare with Rachel.’

‘When I’m finished filling her in she’ll think you’re a god amongst men,’ I say, relaxing and reaching for the orange juice.

Leon winces. ‘Will she be able to look me in the face again?’

‘Sure. She’ll probably opt for looking somewhere else instead, though.’





70


Leon

The weekend comes and goes in a blur of guilty pleasure. Tiffy barely leaves my arms, except to go for coffee with Gerty and Mo. Was right that we’d have a few triggers to work around; briefly lost her to a bad memory on Saturday morning, but am already learning how to help bring her back again. Is rather satisfying.

She’s definitely more nervous about Justin than she’s letting on – came up with elaborate heavy-milk-buying ruse to get me to come and meet her at the coffee place and walk her back here. The sooner we can get that restraining order sorted the better. I fixed a chain on the door while she was out, and mended the balcony door, just to be doing something.