The Fixed Trilogy: Forever With You(76)

And I didn’t miss his words. I might have licked my lips.

“Alayna?”

I tore my eyes away from him, breaking the hypnotic trance he had me in. “Yours, huh? Don’t make me laugh.” I seemed to be back at the angry phase of grief. It was an interesting and a thrilling change to the constant pain I’d been experiencing.

My rage spurred Hudson’s. “Jesus, how many times do I have to go through this with you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged dramatically. “Maybe a couple hundred more times. Because I’m obviously not getting it.”

He turned his back to me, running his hand through his hair. When he faced me again, he was relatively calmer. “Why. Are. You. Here?”


I battled over telling the truth and keeping it to myself just to spite him. My bitchy mood was voting for spite.

But I was fighting for him, not against him. Honesty it was. “I came to see Norma.”

His brows rose. “About Gwen?”

I covered my face with my hands then dropped them. “About you, you dummy. I don’t give a shit about anything but you.” My throat tightened with the truthfulness of my declaration. “Jesus, how many times do I have to go through this with you?” I threw his words back at him. Guess the spite was coming along with the fight. It helped keep away the tears.

“You came to talk to my employee about me?” His eye twitched and his jaw was tense. From my experience, that meant he was pissed. Beyond pissed.

And I’d been going for romantic.

I threw more of his words back. “Don’t guilt me for protecting what’s mine.”

His eyes sparked. That remark hit him—in a good way. In a way I didn’t know I could anymore. As if he were moved by my possessiveness.

I took advantage of his surprise and softened my approach. “I only wanted to see for myself if she was into you. If you had something going with her.”

Bitterness crept back in. With a pointed finger, I said, “And don’t you dare talk to me about trust because you know I get jealous about her, and you aren’t around to help reassure me.”

Every other word I said was pointed and harsh. I’d hated feeling so distraught. This new temperament wasn’t any better, but at least I was getting it out. It was like shedding my skin and underneath was nothing but raw and rugged emotion.

Hudson leaned his hip against the couch, regarding me closely. When he spoke, he was calm and controlled. As always. “Did you get what you came for?”

“I did.”

“And?”

I bit my lip, not wanting to give away any ground. Carefully, reluctantly, I answered. “She thinks a lot of you. She respects you and admires you and she recognizes you’re physically attractive—don’t let that go to your head.”

“But…”

“But she’s not into you anymore. I can see it in her eyes.” It was a fair way to avoid spilling Norma’s secret. Besides, I could see it in her eyes.

“Good. Then you believe the things I’ve told you.” He appeared pleased.

“It was never the things you’ve told me that were the issue. It’s the things you haven’t told me.”

“They aren’t your things to know,” he snapped back.

The sliver of composure I was maintaining disappeared. “What the ever living f*ck?” I was infuriated. Enraged. Out of my mind with exasperation. “I could say the same thing about you—spying on me, digging into my history before you’d even met me—maybe I think those aren’t your things to know. Still, you did and do whatever the hell you want with no regard to boundaries or personal space.”

I squared my shoulders and faced him head on. “And while that’s out there, let me be clear—since you aren’t able to explain things to me, I’m digging on my own.”

Concern flashed through his eyes.

It fueled me. I wanted him off kilter. Wanted him where he always had me—flustered and imbalanced. “That’s right. I’ve been through all of the books Celia sent. I’ve been to see Stacy. And Norma. I’m collecting my own facts. Don’t you think it would be better to tell me your secrets than have me find them out on my own?”

“Alayna, stop digging.” He took a step toward me, his voice even but strained.

Why, why, why couldn’t he just tell me what I’d find? “You’re protecting Celia again, aren’t you?”

“Celia’s not who I’m protecting.”

“Who then? Yourself?” I was yelling, not even caring if his doors were solid enough to absorb the sound. “Me?”

He reached for me, grabbing me at the elbow. “You need to leave, now.”

With those five words the anger disappeared and the hurt returned full force. The air left my lungs. My chest constricted. My eyes filled. He wanted me to leave, wanted me gone. And the last thing I wanted was to leave.

We were at such odds. All there was between us lately was struggle. There was never any progress.

I wiped a renegade tear from my cheek. “Shutting me out again. Like you always do. Hiding behind your thick walls. What’s the point of me even fighting for you if you’re never, never going to let me in? Who are you protecting, Hudson? Who?”

His grip on me tightened. “Yes, you, dammit! I’m protecting you. Always you.”