The First to Die at the End (Death-Cast #0)(88)

She returns to the present, to the reality where Frankie indeed isn’t here at the park.

Where Gloria is alone with Rolando.

“I’m sorry to hear about Death-Cast,” Gloria says.

“Don’t be. I’m really proud of myself for quitting.”

“In what way?”

“Instead of waiting for the day when an operator calls to tell me I’m going to die, I already understand how important it is to live while I can.”

Gloria loves that insight.

Life shouldn’t be about to end before someone begins living.

“That’s really admirable,” she says, watching her son fearlessly scale the jungle gym, watching her son live like he’s going to forever.

“Don’t you think you should do the same?” Rolando asks.

“Do what?” Gloria asks.

“To live while you can.”

“I am,” Gloria says.

“No offense, Glo, but I don’t think you are.”

He hasn’t used her nickname in ages, and Gloria’s heart skips a beat. “What do you mean I’m not living?”

“Tell me what your life looks like—and not what you do for Pazito.”

Everything that Gloria can think of that doesn’t involve her son feels too small, even if it brings her joy. Things like cooking with her mother’s recipe for garlic maduros and watching legal dramas and soaking in the tub with only a lit candle alive in the dark bathroom.

“Raising a child should count,” Gloria says. “That makes me happy.”

“It does, but . . .” Rolando shifts his knee toward hers. “But what are you going to do when Paz has grown up? How are you going to spend your days?”

Sadly, Gloria hasn’t planned for life without her son. She doesn’t say anything because she has nothing to say and doesn’t want to lie. She’s lied enough in this lifetime, always pretending everything is good and well.

“Your son is important,” Rolando says, and he gently adds, “But so are you.”

This isn’t the first time Rolando has asked Gloria to think of herself, but it is the first time he’s done so with tears brimming in his brown eyes. It’s almost as if he knows something that she doesn’t, as if Death-Cast told Rolando that Gloria will be dying soon and was given the chance to deliver the news in person instead of having a stranger call her. She can’t be sure, but what Gloria does know is that Frankie has never told Gloria that she’s important. Once again, she can’t be sure, but Gloria would bet anything that her husband has never valued her life, maybe only for keeping a clean home and doing the heavy lifting with raising their son.

Gloria is important.

Gloria matters.

Gloria deserves a better life.

Feeling this in her heart, Gloria breathes deeply, like after a long day where she’s been on her feet all day and crawls under her covers for bed. But she doesn’t want to wake up to the same thing anymore. “It’s too late to change,” she says.

“Of course it isn’t, Glo.” Rolando’s hand twitches on the bench, but his fingers don’t find their way into hers. “Think of how many people whose lives have changed today because of Death-Cast. It’s only going to be too late if you wait until the last minute to start over.”

Those words should feel like a warning, but instead Gloria views it as a blessing.

“Are you starting over by quitting your job?” Gloria asks.

Rolando stares into her eyes. “It’s more than that. I’m quitting a life that doesn’t make me happy.”

Gloria wishes she could do the same. “What’s not making you happy?”

“You,” Rolando says.

It’s like her heart has been ripped out by a single word.

This whole afternoon has really been about pushing her away. Perhaps he’s too frustrated with Gloria and can’t bear to watch her go on as she has.

Before Gloria can apologize for steering her own ship as she has seen fit, Rolando apologizes.

“I’m sorry—you’re not the reason I’m unhappy. At least, not in the way you might be thinking,” Rolando says, flustered. “I spent this morning with a Decker. This old man who was my first call of the night.”

Gloria’s shredded heart is stitching itself back together.

So Rolando wasn’t on a breakfast date. He was with a man who’s dying today—who may be dead already.

“Why did you meet with him?”

And so Rolando tells Gloria about his long phone call with the man named Clint, and how he came to find himself having breakfast with him on his End Day. “I don’t want you waiting around for your life, Gloria. And more important, I don’t want you waiting around for your death. It might not be my business, but I don’t want to regret not saying anything if . . . if Frankie loses control.”

As if the worst parts of her life flash by, Gloria shudders.

“I’m sorry to bring this up,” Rolando says. “But not as sorry as I’ll be if I lose you.”

“I appreciate the concern. It’s just more complicated than you think.”

“I think it’s the opposite. It’s simpler than you think. You shouldn’t be with someone who might be your cause of death. Not when you have so much to live for.”