The First to Die at the End (Death-Cast #0)(51)
“That’s all so upsetting. Truly,” Naya says with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t wish to speak with the therapist?”
“I’m sure.”
Deep down, Rolando knows this would be helpful, but he’s not in his right state of mind. How could anyone be after working this shift? The amount of people who asked him to help save their lives tonight, as if he hasn’t already done everything he can for them. More than anything he wanted to tell Deckers that maybe Death-Cast is wrong, but he has no proof to support that. He would only be feeding empty lies and giving hope to Deckers who will die thinking they would make it to tomorrow, all because Rolando misled them.
“Death-Cast has a beautiful purpose, but this is a terrible job,” he says. “I don’t want to become numb to people dying. I quit.”
And just like that, Rolando can feel himself slowly returning to his body, as if he were a ghost who was slipping away.
This was the right move.
No drawing was going to save his life.
Dalma Young
6:16 a.m.
Death-Cast did not call Dalma Young because she is not dying today, but she witnessed the first Decker receive his End Day call. That moment will stay with her for as long as she lives.
When that Death-Cast alarm went off, Dalma was terrified they were calling her childhood best friend Orion Pagan. Lord knows that boy is one bad heart attack away from joining his parents and her father in heaven. But instead the heralds were calling Valentino Prince, the beautiful stranger they’d met less than an hour before, and while she feels for him, she was relieved she wasn’t going to lose her best friend. In fact, Valentino has generously offered to donate his heart to keep Orion alive.
Unfortunately, all hope for that transplant has been thrown in the trash, as if that heart was no good.
Dalma will continue living in fear of Orion dying. Fantastic.
She isn’t petty; she has plenty to focus on instead of clinging to grudges. But Orion sacrificing his second chance at an easier life to tend to someone whose time will be cut short? Irresponsible and inconsiderate. Dalma isn’t sure she’ll ever be able to forgive that. She wonders if she’s to blame. For the past few years she’s shielded Orion from what she’s feeling, not wanting to add stress to his heart. He doesn’t know how it’s rare for an hour to pass where she’s not concerned that he’s having an attack and whether he’s battling it by himself—if he’ll even win. He doesn’t know how her grades drop every time he’s in the hospital because she keeps up this guise that she can handle it all. He doesn’t know that she doesn’t know how she’ll live if he dies.
Dalma is family, and Valentino is a stranger.
And yet, Orion chose the stranger over family.
Even over himself.
She was stunned that Orion, who always wants her company, told her to leave him alone. But Dalma can’t ever play that card because if she ever chooses anyone else—even herself—over Orion, she runs the risk of regretting it if Orion drops dead while she’s away.
Now here she is, back home in her bedroom, tired but too upset to fall asleep.
Dalma is cuddling with Moon Girl, her childhood doll with white button eyes and brown skin like her own. She’s always loved space. She sleeps under galaxy lights and dreams on pillows designed like constellations. Her walls are white except for the one behind her bed that’s wallpapered with dotted white stars. And her most prized object is the Cooper refractor telescope she won in her senior-year science fair; shout-out to the mummified mouse that got her the win. Maybe she should spend more time stargazing than obsessing over Mr. Constellation and his bad decisions.
Or reading the news on her phone about a shooting she experienced firsthand.
She gets out of bed and sets her phone to charge at her desk.
The desk is an old DIY project with a chest of ebony drawers that her stepdad, Floyd, found at a garage sale. He tried helping her out so they could have a fun little bonding moment, but she was determined to do everything herself. The women in her family are builders. Her gran was a seamstress on the Upper East Side, and Dalma isn’t saying that people started walking around with more holes in their clothes after she retired, but it’s a hell of a coincidence. Her mother, Dayana, runs a small business where she gets paid bank to design websites for bigger businesses. Dalma first fell in love with user interface engineering from sitting side by side with her mother as she wrote code and made the internet a prettier place. Dalma herself will become a worldwide famous programmer once she comes up with her idea. And as for Dahlia, she’s got no clear vision just yet, though Dalma trusts her little sister will come into her own over time. Whether she’s a builder like the other women or more of a healer like her father or something else entirely, Dalma will back her up.
Because that’s how you show up for your family.
But since Orion rejected her help and Dalma is home alone, she’s going to choose herself.
Dalma opens her laptop, a present from her mother and stepfather for getting accepted to Hunter College. This really was the gift of gifts because it was impossible to download all the necessary software on her family’s desktop computer. Here she has a solid starter package for writing code and designing her future app, the very thing she’s focused on right now. She fights back a yawn, but she’s no stranger to working through the night. She’s going to get shit done.