The Fastest Way to Fall(74)

“We’re better,” she said, dropping her phone into her purse. “Not scraping by or doing jobs we hate, not at the mercy of our families.”

I nodded without comment.

“We were always good in bed.” She returned her hand to my arm. “Let’s start there.” It wasn’t a question; it never was with Kelsey. It was always a statement. She slid her fingers over my jaw. Britta had commented in passing that she liked seeing a five-o’clock shadow on men, and I’d forgone shaving quite so regularly. “This is a new look; I like it.”

I finished my drink, eyes flicking to my phone sitting on the bar.

“You don’t want to talk. That’s fine.” Her hand fell and she finished her drink. “Want to get out of here?”

I touched her lower back to guide her through the crowd as we walked to the exit. I’d done it hundreds of times, but everything about the intimate gesture felt wrong.



* * *





BY THE TIME we stepped into her apartment, the inkling that this was a bad decision was a steady stream of foreboding.

“Wine?” she asked, without stepping into the kitchen.

I shook my head.

“Me, either.” She stepped forward, sliding her hands up my forearms and over my biceps. The rush I expected didn’t come. Her body against mine was all sharp angles. Everything about it was too sterile, too laced with history. Too not Britta.

Her lips neared mine, but I rested my hands on hers. “Kels, wait. Stop.” I pried her hands away and returned them to her side. “I’m not feeling it.”

“What do you mean, you’re not feeling it?”

“It’s not working for me.” I would have thought she’d noticed I wasn’t into it. “Is it for you?”

“If your dick still works, I’m guessing you’ll feel just fine.” The breathy voice was gone, and a hundred iterations of that demanding, demeaning tone flashed through my mind, only this time I didn’t try to explain it away. Kelsey always lashed out when she felt dismissed, but it didn’t mean I needed to take it.

I stepped around her, heading for the door. “I’m going.”

“Wait. I’m sorry. That was out of line. I’m just . . . worked up, and you know I don’t like talking about feelings. We can slow down.”

“No, Kels. This is not going to happen.”

“Is there someone else?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “What gives?”

I didn’t owe her anything, and I could have lied, but I didn’t want to deny what I was feeling anymore. “Yes. There’s someone else.”

Kelsey looked like I had slapped her, and I regretted my honesty immediately. She acted hard, but life had taught her to be that way, and for the first time, I wondered if this getting-back-together idea was genuine and not just her playing some game. The flash of vulnerability on her face, the hurt, was only there for a moment, though. “Who?”

I ran my hand over the back of my neck. “Does it matter?”

“Unbelievable. Why did you ask me out if there’s someone else?” She rested her hands on her hips. “Next thing you know you’re going to tell me it’s someone cliché like your secretary, or maybe someone your mom brought home, or even the fat girl from the park.”

I bristled, anger flaring, and my head snapped up. I balled my fists at my side and met her cold stare.

Her voice was back to icy, resolute, and hard. “Wait . . . seriously? You don’t want to fuck me because it might mess things up with . . . a client?”

“This was a mistake.”

“I guess so. I didn’t realize your tastes had changed so much.”

“Goodbye, Kelsey.” I stepped into her hallway and ordered a car. The gravity of what I’d admitted to Kelsey, of all people, hit me, and my head went in all directions. I didn’t know what to do. I headed straight home to shower off the scent of Kelsey’s perfume, then to crash, but I could only toss and turn all night. Despite my best efforts to think of anything else, my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Britta and her date every time I glanced at my phone.





45





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