The Ex Files (Ocean View #1)(75)

“What was your plan?” she asks, a small relieved smile on her face.

“Honestly, we didn’t have one yet, so it’s a relief you stepped in. Her laugh fills the room and my gut, making me lighter than I have felt since Sunday.

“I’m sorry. I—” I cut her off.

“There’s no need. Stop, I get it.”

“No, I need to do this.” I nod. “I was scared of getting hurt. I’ve seen it happen, seen what happens when you let someone have any small piece of your heart. I knew from the beginning you were different. That first date, when I let you get me off my game, you scared me. So fucking much. You terrified me because I could see exactly how I could lose myself in you, let you take everything I am until I was gone, and when you left, you’d take it with you, leaving me a hollow shell.” My hand brushes her hair back again, my gut sick knowing her asshole parents did this to her. They made her feel this way, taught her to guard herself against others like this. “But then I broke it off. I stuck to our deal even though… even though you’re right. All along, you told me I was crazy, you wanted to keep it going. I just… I couldn’t see past my fear. So I broke it off, told myself it’s what you’d want because I couldn’t give you the easy, happy life you want—you deserve.”

I try to break in. “Cassie, no—”

“No, please. I know it’s messed up, but I’m not totally off base. You deserve someone who can trust right off the bat. Who won’t overthink your every move for months until I make myself sick. You deserve the perfect stay-at-home mom to your kids, the one who will bake cookies and do projects. And… I’m going to work on it. I need… I need to get over this. Learn how to deal with it, to love myself. Because the way I feel when I’m with you? The person I am when we’re together? You make me want to love that person. As you put it, I need to learn how to shut up the hurt little girl. To make her happy so I can move on. So I’m working on it, and it will be a journey. But honey, I’ll never be a stay-at-home mom. I love this business. And I can’t bake to save my life, and I’d rather buy things than make them. So you probably won’t have hot homemade meals from scratch every night when you come home, and you might need to put the kids to bed without me some nights.” He tries to interrupt me with a laugh, but I stop him.

“Let me finish. I know I’m not perfect. I’m not the daydream, but I’ll try. I’ll try every day. If you can put up with my crazy and be patient with me, I’m setting it all aside. I’m ignoring the fears and anxiety and the wall, and I’m letting you in. I want you to show me how beautiful life is, what it’s like to let people in. You and Gabi and your family and your friends… you’ve shown me already just how beautiful life can be. I want more. If you’ll take me.” Her ramblings over, I stare at her for a few long moments, trying to figure out if she’s done or just taking a long breath. When I determine she is, in fact, done, I start to laugh.

It’s a welling of joy and relief and utter happiness that she’s finally coming around, finally letting me in past her wall, past the spiky shell she puts up to keep people out. The laugh continues as I once again push her hair behind her ear, looking into her eyes as it dwindles down.

“What’s so funny?”

“You.”

“Me?” Even funnier, she looks angry now, the sweet, apologetic girl gone and the sassy, hands on her hips, independent and needing to prove a point one back in her place.

“Cassie, the fact you have to ask if I’ll take you back is funny. But the fact you thought it was even an option for you is even more hilarious. No way in hell was I letting you get away from me. I was going to give you time to breathe, sure. But let you get away? Not a chance. I needed to sit back, lick my wounds, ask the experts for help before I took on the next part of my battle plan.” I smile at her as awareness and understanding take over her pretty face, her jaw unclenching and her body melting into mine again. “The experts being my sisters and my mom.”

“Oh God, your mom! She probably thinks I’m a terrible person! If not totally insane once your sister fills her in on what happened tonight!” She buries her head in my chest, and once again, I want to laugh. But I’m caught up in the feeling of having her back here again, in my arms, and worried about something stupid and inconsequential.

Although we haven’t been together long, if at all formally, being without her for those four days? Not something I want to relive. Something about having Cassandra Reynolds in my arms, safe and sound, and looking to me to keep her that way? It’s a feeling I’ll fight to have for a long time coming.

“No, she probably will think I’m an idiot for letting you get away in the first place.”

“You’re her baby boy, though.”

“I’m also a man, meaning she thinks everything I do is tinged a bit with male stupidity.”

“She’s not wrong,” she says under her breath, and I laugh as I pinch her side, tickling her ribs in the spot I know makes her squeal and squirm.

“Luke! Stop it!” she laughs, and I do, pulling her close to me, trapping her against me the way I want her to be forever.

“This is gonna work, Cass. We’re gonna have to work for it. You’re going to have to trust me, and I promise to keep you safe, guard your heart, but it’s going to take time, okay? And when you get scared, I need you to talk to me. There’s nothing we can’t get past if it’s us together.” Her eyes shine with moisture as she nods before I kiss her, and I know I’ll do whatever it takes to keep this. Whether she knows it or not, Cassie is mine forever.