The Dugout(110)

“What is that?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Sean stands and walks to the door, hand on the knob. “He might have physically left your life, but he never forgot about you, Milly. He might have been lost for a bit, but once he found his head again, he found you.”

Sean gives me a wink and then exits the office, leaving me alone with the folder that’s calling out, begging to be opened. But I know, the moment I flip open the folder is the moment I open my heart to heartbreak. I can feel it weighing heavily on me.

The decision so palpable I can taste it.

Do I want to know what he’s been doing behind the scenes?

I press my hand to my forehead, going over the timeline again, when the facility started to really pick up with business, Coach Disik coming to us, the many camps we’ve had since then, the press . . . did Carson have anything to do with that?

My fingers itch to open the folder, to find out, but before I can make the decision, the door to the office opens again but instead of one of my brothers walking through, Carson does.

So not what I needed.

Especially since he’s looking better than ever in a pair of navy-blue chino shorts and a white and blue striped polo shirt.

“Hey,” he says, standing close to the closed door. “I’m sorry if I surprised you. I should have let you know what I promised Dennis. Are you, uh. . . are you okay?”

“No,” I say before I can stop myself and just like that, the waterworks start. I bring my feet up to the couch and cover my face with my hands where I let the tears flow.

“Milly,” I hear him say, his feet approaching until he sits on the coffee table in front of me. “Please talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say?” I ask, anger in my voice but sorrow on my face. “I thought you were done with me. I was finally starting to get over the loss of you and then like a ghost from the past, you remerge as if you didn’t flip my world upside down when you told me to get a hint. I . . . I was tr-trying to help you,” I say on a sob.

He grips my ankles and leans forward. “I know, Milly, and I’m so fucking sorry for treating you the way I did. There’s no excuse for my behavior, and all I can say is I’m sorry. I wish I handled things differently, but at the time, I had no other choice. It was like the walls were falling in on me and I was just trying to grasp at any emotion to help me survive. It was stupid and I’ll always regret it.”

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was that you lost your dad. I wanted to hold you, tell you everything was going to be okay, that I was there for you. I wanted to be able to hold your hand at your dad’s funeral and to give you the comfort you needed to get through a difficult time. I wasn’t asking for eternity. I was asking for you to let me in, to let me be the girlfriend you asked me to be.”

“I know.” He nods and drags his hand over his face, letting out a large sigh. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Milly. I really am.”

Not able to look him in the eye, I say, “What do you want from me, Carson? Why are you really here?”

He sits back but doesn’t answer right away.

He doesn’t answer at all actually as he stands and pulls on the back of his neck, a look of disbelief on his face.

Slowly, looking confused, he makes his way back to the door and places his hand on the knob. Before leaving, he says, “I don’t know what I want, Milly. I’m sorry.”

And once again, he leaves.

Tears well in my eyes as I stare at the closed door, wondering how I’m supposed to pull myself together in the next twenty minutes before my next lesson shows up. I glance down and spot the untouched folder and this time, it’s calling even louder.

I drop my feet to the floor and flip open the folder with one finger before I can stop myself. Pages full of Carson’s handwriting flutter and my heart flies up to my throat. I piece through them, all handwritten, all to my brothers. I bring one closer and read it.

Sean and Rian,

Spoke with Coach Disik today, told him about the facilities and the coaching staff you have. Told him about Milly and how she turned my senior season around, preparing me for professional baseball. He was impressed and will be stopping by next week. It’s not much, but it’s the least I can do.

Hope all is well and take care of Milly for me—I’m sure you are.

Carson

Tears spilling down my cheeks, I take a deep breath as my lip trembles.

He told Disik about me? About the facility?

I quickly rifle through the rest, all letters about different programs he spoke to, different coaches around the area, travel ball teams, and even some minor league guys looking to gain that extra inch. At least fifty different letters in here of every outreach he made for the business . . . for me.

He’s always believed in me, encouraged me, but this, this is something I never would have expected, for him to go out of his way and make connections so I can succeed, just how I helped him succeed.

No wonder Sean and Rian kept these to themselves, because if I knew Carson was doing this all along, I never would have been able to attempt to let him go, or let my heart grow as time between us grew apart.

Now the question is, what the hell am I going to do with this knowledge?





Chapter Twenty-Eight





CARSON