The Distance Between Us(53)

I point to the pictures he’s still holding. “I need to know about him.”

He flips through the pictures again. “Is this him? The father of . . .” He can’t even finish the sentence. It’s like he’s as ashamed as I am. I wonder if he’s ever known anyone who got pregnant out of wedlock.

“Yes.” I lean back on my palms.

He nods once then looks around. “So how long are we going to wait here?”

I glance toward Luigi’s. “I don’t know.” Maybe she’s going to see Matthew after the meeting. I take the pictures he’s still holding back and look through them again.

“So you think I’d make a good detective?”

“What?”

“Tonight. Your ‘career night.’” He actually does air quotes and manages to make them look somewhat classy. “That’s what you said tonight was, right? You’re supposed to be finding me suitable options to explore. Is detective work something you think I’d be good at?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Because I’m so good at observations and reading into clues and interpreting signals?” He picks at the grass, pulling a few blades free. He looks so hurt.

My warning light goes off, telling me to back up, fix this; tell him, “No, it was about me and my mom and I just needed your help.” I open my mouth, but it’s too late.

He stands up and brushes off his hands then holds one out to me. “I’ll walk you back.”

“I’m staying.”

“Okay.” He starts to walk away.

“I’m sorry,” I say to his back. He stops. “I’ve been so self-absorbed and lame. You’ve done all these amazing things for me and I haven’t done anything for you. I took you grave digging. You took me to UNLV.”

He turns to face me.

I point up the street. “I was going to take you to Eddie’s. He was going to teach us how to make his famous muffins and tell us how he started his business and stuff. I thought you might like it because you love food and I could see you owning your own restaurant or something. But then this happened and . . .”

He closes the distance between us, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me.

I can’t breathe for a moment, and then all I want to do is breathe him in. Eat, sleep, and drink Xander Spence. I can’t get enough. I don’t know how I existed without him because his energy feels like my sustaining force in this moment.

He pulls away a little and I take a gulp of air. I lie back on the grass because my bones can no longer hold me up. He lies sideways next to me, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I bought a dress,” I say in my state of bliss.

“Um . . . how exciting.”

“If you want me to I can go to the benefit with you on Saturday.”

“If?” He shakes his head. “I would love for you to come to the benefit. I just thought you were dead set against it. Yes. Come.” He kisses me again and I laugh against his lips. I bury my fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. He squeezes my side and I laugh again.

I didn’t hear any footsteps or the jingling of keys. All I hear is someone clear their throat. I sit up too fast and blood rushes up the back of my head, causing the edges of my vision to blur for a moment. But blurry or not, I can still see my mom’s face staring down at us, filled with anger.





Chapter 34



For some reason I giggle. Maybe because I still can’t control the happy pounding of my heart. Maybe because I’m still so angry with my mom for all the secrets she’s been keeping that seeing her angry with me brings some satisfaction. Or maybe because I have absolutely no idea what to say. Whatever the case, a giggle sounds funny in the otherwise still night. “Hi.”

She looks at Xander, starting at his freshly cut hair and ending on his expensive shoes. Then her contemptuous look is back on me. “I’ll see you at home.” And with that she walks away. I suck in my lips to stop myself from laughing. When she rounds the corner I lie back and pull Xander down with me. I kiss him but he resists.

“Caymen, wait.”

“What?”

“She doesn’t know about us?”

“You knew that.”

“No. I didn’t. I thought after I introduced myself to her that you would tell her.”

I feel awful. That’s exactly what I was supposed to do. What I was going to force myself to do before the answering machine message of doom. “Why would you think that? I pretended like I didn’t know you.”

“I thought you were joking around. I thought . . .”

I am not doing well tonight in the Making Xander Feel Special category. I run my fingers up his wrist and then push our palms together. “I’m sorry. My mom has a history that has jaded her a bit. And I was going to tell her but then everything happened. I’ll tell her.”

“I think you just did.”

I giggle again.

One corner of his mouth lifts into a half-smile. “So is Eddie’s open right now? Let’s go eat.”



Xander leans against his car, licking the last bit of muffin off his fingers. “I didn’t realize you had such an in with Eddie. The whole back-door-after-closing-secret-knock. You could’ve told me this months ago.”