The Distance Between Us(31)

“I’m sorry to come in and then crash on you, but I’m heading to bed.”

“At eight o’clock?”

“It’s been a long day between manning the shop and running around town.”

I jump up and follow her down the hall. “Wait.”

She turns to face me. The hall light is off and we stand in shadows. “Yes?”

“Please talk to me. Something’s wrong.” My mom and I used to tell each other everything. The distance I feel between us is my fault, I know, because of all the secrets we’re keeping, but I need her to talk to me.

She looks at her hands and her shoulders rise and fall. She doesn’t meet my eyes when she says, “It’s nothing. Really.”

“Please, Mom. I know what nothing looks like and it’s not this.”

“I tried to secure a loan today. I was denied.”

I don’t need to ask but I do anyway. “A loan for what?”

She finally looks up. Her eyes are bloodshot. “To pay some bills I’ve gotten behind on.” She takes my hand. “But I don’t want you to worry about it. We’ll be fine. We’re behind is all. We’ve been behind before. Let’s hope for a few good months. We’ll just have to be more careful.”

“More careful?” How could we be more careful? We already spend next to nothing.

“Don’t worry, okay? It’s fine.”

I nod and she gives me a hug. It doesn’t stop me from worrying.

When she’s in her room I shut my bedroom door with a horrible pressure in my chest. The magazine digs into my thigh so I yank it out of my pocket and smooth it flat. “Are you even worth all this trouble, Xander?” I say to his wrinkled face.



Monday morning I take my time getting ready. I’ve been trying to figure out all weekend what to say to Xander. I’m tired of the feeling that’s settled onto my chest and threatened to stay.

When I go downstairs my mom is zipping up the green bank-deposit bag and tucking it into her purse.

“I thought you took the deposit Saturday night.”

She jumps. “You scared me.” She looks me up and down. “Wow, you look nice today. I haven’t seen you wear that sweater in forever. It makes your eyes stand out. Is this for the special boy at school?”

If I didn’t love my mom so much I would strangle her. “No, Mom, I told you we’re just friends.” And he doesn’t go to my school. And . . . wait, was she trying to change the subject? It almost worked. “So what’s going on with the deposit?”

“I didn’t take it Saturday.”

She didn’t take the deposit? My mom is anal about making the deposit. And didn’t she just say last night that we are behind?

She must’ve noted my look because she says, “It’s not a big deal. I’ll take it over right when they open.”

“Okay.” I grab my backpack, smooth down my sweater, and face the door. My heart gives a little unexpected flutter, the first one since fighting with Xander. I smile and step out into the cold.

Xander’s not there.

My walk to school feels twice as long as normal. Maybe because I keep looking over my shoulder or maybe because I’ve slowed down to give him time to arrive. He never does.



After school, while my mom is upstairs placing orders on the computer, I get out Xander’s camera that I keep stashed in the stockroom desk and take more pictures of the dolls. I’ve never felt more motivated to get the website up and running. We could obviously use the increase in traffic. As I stare at the lifeless eyes of Aislyn through the viewfinder, a thought comes back to me: my mom standing by the register that morning holding the bank-deposit bag and how she tried to avoid my questions about it.

I strap the camera around my neck and sneak into her office. The first thing I look for is the balance book. The red number is even bigger, over three thousand dollars. It shouldn’t surprise me; she had said as much. But it makes me worry even more. I open the side drawer where she keeps the bank bag and pull it out. It’s zipped shut and I stare at it for a moment, feeling the weight in my hands, not wanting to open it and find out if the money is still inside. I have no idea what it will mean if the money is still inside. That she’s still hiding things from me? Fast and painless. I slide it open and look in. Empty. Even though the money is gone, proving she made the deposit, I feel uneasy.

The bell on the front door rings, and I shove the bag back in the drawer and rush back out front.

A tall man with dark hair and a dark beard stands just inside the door. It takes me a second to place him, but then I remember he had been in the store a few weeks ago, talking to my mom.

“Is Susan in?” he asks, his eyes lingering on the camera around my neck.

“No, she’s not.” I could probably tell him she’s just upstairs, but the feeling of uneasiness I felt in my mom’s office has grown.

“Will you tell her Matthew dropped by?”

“Is there something I can help you with?”

His eyes twinkle and his mouth twitches into a smile. “No.” With that he backs out the door. He walks by the front window, and I wait for a few seconds then quickly step outside, staying close to the building so he won’t see me. He gets into a navy blue SUV parked a few stores away. I quickly snap off a few pictures, zooming in on the license plate and then up to his face. My heart nearly stops when his eyes meet the camera lens. The metal door handle digs into my back with my hasty retreat. He probably didn’t see me. I had zoomed in quite a bit.