The Crush (78)

“Maybe?”

I nodded jerkily.

“Then why aren’t you with him?” He spread his arms out with an incredulous shake of his head. “I’m sick, but I’m not dying yet, Adaline. The reason I’m not putting any of that shit in my body anymore is because it won’t make it go away. Not this time. And I want to enjoy my family with the weeks and months I have left. I want to go on walks with your mom and go up to Seattle and see my grandbaby whenever Lydia gives birth. I want to see you happy. If I get to walk someone down the aisle before I go, even better. And I can enjoy all that so much more when I’m not puking and sick and fighting the thing that’s supposed to be helping me.”

This time, the tears fell for a totally different reason. “I’m here because you have always been there for us, Dad.”

His eyes watered. I didn’t call him Dad very often. I never had.

I swiped fiercely at my face. “You were at every recital and every play and every sporting event. Taking obnoxious amounts of pictures before we left for prom. Teaching us how to drive way earlier than Mom wanted you to. Teaching us how to hold a gun the right way and how to kick a guy in the balls if he touched us inappropriately. You did everything. For all of us, and you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to, sweetheart,” he said, leaning forward. “That was my privilege as your stepdad. When I married your mom, I was lucky enough to get you and Greer and Erik. I don’t think I can ever put into words what it’s like to have a second chance at love when you’ve already lost someone.”

“And isn’t my privilege to help take care of you now?” I said. “You … you chose to be there for us. Most men w-wouldn’t have. I’m not going to choose to leave you.”

He sat back in his chair and studied my face.

“What?” I asked.

Tim took in a deep breath before he spoke, and I got the distinct sense he was choosing his words very carefully. “Adaline,” he said slowly, “you don’t have to do anything to prove why I love you. Why I chose to be your dad for the last twenty-plus years. You’re worthy of all that love whether you’re here or not. Just like I love your brothers, even if they can’t be here right now.”

My chest felt tight, and I could hardly swallow around my words. “I know that,” I whispered.

“Do you?”

I couldn’t answer, and I pulled in a short, jerky breath.

“Talk to me,” Tim said.

I sat forward and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes and tried to get my raging emotions under control. It was like trying to set a thimble over a bonfire and expecting it to extinguish.

“What does it say about me that I want to be with Emmett right now?” I said in a shaky voice. “I don’t…” I choked on a sob. “I don’t want to be like him. He left us when we needed him, and whenever I think about it … all I know is that I would never do that to the people I love.”

“Oh, Adaline.” He sighed. “My sweet girl.”

Then Tim was crouched in front of my chair, gently pulling my hands down from my face. “You are not your father,” he said fiercely.

I gripped his hand when he held it out.

“You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met,” he said. “The fact that you worry about doing what he did is why you’re nothing like that. You are worth a million of someone like him.”

I could hardly see Tim through my tears. “It feels so selfish to have something so good and amazing that’s … right there, and in order to have it, I’d have to leave you and Mom right now.” I pressed a hand to my aching chest. “I don’t know how to leave you, and I don’t know how not to love him.”

His fingers tightened around mine, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Loving him, being with someone who loves you in the same way, is the very best thing you could ever do for an old man like me.” He cupped the side of my face. “That is what I want to know before I go, Adaline. That my family is okay, and you will be.”

When my tears lessened, I gave him a short nod. “We will be.”

I stood and gave Tim a hug.

“Love you,” he told me.

“Love you more.”

Tim gave me a hug and dropped a kiss on the top of my head, shuffling back into the house when he could see that I needed to think. Inside, I heard the sounds of the game and took a deep breath.

No matter how carefully I’d tried to avoid causing any more pain, Emmett and I had fallen over that cliff together. I knew he’d be there with me when I did, but I didn’t anticipate my own family helping me find the footing I needed to be able to move forward.

It wasn’t selfish to love Emmett. And it wouldn’t give Tim any extra time if I put my life on hold. I pressed a hand over my heart and let out a slow exhale.

Life would happen at its own pace, and it was up to me to make sure I didn’t miss any of the best parts. I didn’t want one night here or there when fate managed to grant us time.

Emmett was meeting me halfway, as best he could. And it was my turn now.

I slid my phone out and sent a text to Molly.

Me: I need his address, please.





Emmett



“Does he know I’m going to be here?”