The Coven (Coven of Bones, #1)(54)

Especially if I bled the first time.

I froze, the fabric scrunching in my hand as it clenched into a fist. “Do the Vessels often reject offers?” I asked, dread rising in my throat. I tried to swallow around it, feeling like grave dirt filled my lungs suddenly.

“Not in my experience,” she said, studying my face too closely.

All Vessels fed on the Reaping. That much I knew. If there were no pair bonds—if Gray was not the one who came to me that night—would he be with another? Even just the thought of him feeding from someone else made me want to tear out his throat.

Shit.

I wasn’t supposed to care about that. He wasn’t mine, and he never would be.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I dropped the silken nightgown, my hand hovering over the lace one for a moment as I considered. The petty, vindictive part of me wanted to let whoever it was who came through my door take it all. I wanted to give what had been meant to be Gray’s away, showing him how little he mattered.

The witches may never know, but I had no doubt Gray would be able to smell me on another male. He’d know exactly what I’d done, and it would serve him fucking right.

I swallowed, shoving that part of me down, and picked up the silk gown.

“Maybe next time,” Della said, smiling kindly. “The first time is overwhelming. I think that was the right choice for tonight.”

I tugged on the fabric, pulling it overhead and letting it settle on my curves. It hugged every line and groove in my body, fitting like a second skin as if it was made for me.

“There will be plenty of time for me to partake in the other pleasures,” I said, shoving down the part of me that cared.

“Bra and underwear off,” she said, her lips twisting and nose scrunching. “Those are the rules. Regardless of which clothes…”

“That’s disgusting,” I muttered, but I reached behind my back and unhooked my bra.

My breasts dropped without the support, the fabric clinging to them and leaving nothing to the imagination in the silk that was semi-transparent. Shimmying my underwear down my legs, I tossed them to the side and moved to the center of the room when I was ready.

“You have two options. I can either secure you to the bed or the hook,” she said, pointing above my head. Sure enough, hanging from the ceiling was the tiniest of hooks I hadn’t noticed.

“Secure me?” I asked, watching as she went to the closet. She pulled a pair of padded cuffs from the top shelf, coming toward me as she took my hands in hers. Wrapping each of my wrists in one of them, she moved slowly, giving me time to adjust to the feeling of cushioned leather against my skin.

When each of my wrists was wrapped, she hooked the cuffs together with tiny latches so that they were stuck together in front of me. “This can’t be necessary,” I said, my eyes widening when she went to the closet again. She came back with a chain, feeding it through the loops in the leather until she wrapped it around my wrists.

“You can’t be allowed to see him,” she said, letting the chain drop to the floor. She held a piece of cloth in front of my face, the meaning clear as I swallowed.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I refuse to be tied up and blindfolded.”

She sighed, taking my bound hands in hers. The warmth of her skin penetrated the sudden chill that had taken me, bringing me back to the one place I didn’t want to go.

The one place I swore I would do anything to avoid.

My chest heaved, the panic coming swift and suddenly. I couldn’t breathe. Darkness closed in around the edges of my vision.

“Please. Please don’t,” I begged, shaking my head from side to side.

Della froze, her face twisting as she realized something was wrong. “Willow, I have to. If I don’t, they’ll force you. Do you understand me? This is not optional.”

I whimpered, looking between my two options as I fought for the ability to breathe. “I can’t…”

“I’ll get Headmaster Thorne,” she said suddenly, sighing as she looked at me. “Maybe he can make a special accommodation if he sees you himself.”

“No!” I screamed, making her freeze in place. “The hook. Just do it,” I said, trying to still the trembling in my fingers. My jaw ached with how harshly I gritted my teeth, with the way I clenched to try to keep the panic at bay.

The pain helped. It always brought me back to the present.

Della grabbed a control from the closet, pushing a button until the hook lowered itself in front of me. I stared at it as she twisted the red fabric, twisting it and layering it until I was certain I wouldn’t be able to see through it. Until I knew all that would remain was the darkness that never seemed to end.

“Are you sure?” she asked, reaching up with a single hand.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until her finger slid through the wetness on my cheek, brushing it away with a gentleness I didn’t deserve. I sniffed back the others, shutting out the shame.

I nodded, letting my eyes drift closed as she covered my eyes with the fabric. The moment it touched my skin, my eyes flung open. They found nothing but pitch, eternal black. Nothing but the void of all light and life.

Like being buried alive.

I whimpered, pinching my eyes closed again and trying to convince myself it was only the back of my eyelids. That I wasn’t there all over again.