The Christmas Bookshop(63)

She counted back. It was 9 a.m. in LA. He would be in a meeting. She told herself not to send him a message.

Then she thought, Oh hell, what was there to lose?

And she typed, ‘Don’t tell me, your new hotel room is also a living hell.’

She squeezed her eyes shut, then sent it and put her phone in her pocket out of sight, almost daring herself not to look at it again.

She crossed over Queensferry Street and down Alva Street to the beautifully lit, perfect little house. All the houses on the surrounding streets were beautiful too, and many had matching trees in their windows, all with warm glowing yellow lights as if there’d been a New Town community memo. There probably had been. Even so, Carmen’s tired heart lifted to see it. It was such a pretty house and even though Skylar was inside, so were the little people, and, to her own surprise, she knew she would be so happy to see them.

Just as she was looking for her key, her phone buzzed. She jumped like she’d been electrified. It couldn’t be. But … but …

Slowly, like Charlie Bucket unwrapping his chocolate bar in the snow, she withdrew the phone from her pocket.

‘Hell, darling, pure hell.’

There was a picture attached of palm trees waving above a stunning blue ocean, the sun bright in the sky, tanned figures visible running in the surf.

Carmen couldn’t stop grinning, all the way in, taking off her shoes, putting them away TIDILY, as Pippa liked to remind her, unwinding her scarf and hanging up her coat.

Sofia had gone up to bed; Skylar was in the kitchen, trying to teach the children a song about coriander. For once, Carmen felt rather warm towards her. After all, she was just trying to do her best. It wasn’t her fault that Blair had got in touch with her.

‘Hi, Skylar!’

Skylar looked up and sniffed loudly. ‘Oh my God, have you been drinking?’ she said. ‘You can smell it all the way over here. Really, drinking is just like totally going to destroy your liver. Makes you look older too, right, kids?’

The children looked at her.

‘Yes, I think so,’ said Pippa decisively.

‘Hi, kids,’ said Carmen, but even that couldn’t bring her down too much. ‘Guess where I was? A witches’ party!’

Phoebe instantly looked worried.

‘Are you a witch?’

‘Well, I was at their party,’ said Carmen, showing her a selfie she’d taken of herself in the big purple cloak.

‘Don’t get frightened,’ warned Pippa.

‘I am NOT FRIGHTENED,’ said Phoebe, grabbing at Carmen’s phone.

‘Great, thanks?’ said Skylar.

‘I was only dressing up and pretending,’ said Carmen hastily. ‘I’m not an actual one. And neither was anybody else.’

‘But witches are for Halloween,’ said Phoebe.

‘I know. Isn’t it great?’

‘I hate Halloween.’

‘She does,’ confirmed Pippa. ‘She cried all the way round, then she threw up all her sweets.’

‘I didn’t throw up ALL my sweets,’ said Phoebe.

‘I know,’ said Pippa. ‘Then you started eating again even though we told you not to.’

Phoebe hit out at Pippa, who grimaced.

‘Use your words, Phoebe,’ said Skylar, shooting daggers at Carmen.

Carmen sat down on the other side of the furious little girl.

‘You know what this proves?’ she said. ‘It just proves you have an amazing imagination.’

Phoebe screwed up her face doubtfully.

‘It’s true. Imagining things and being worried, being able to create something out of your mind that is so frightening you actually frighten yourself – that’s an amazing thing to be able to do. You know, loads of people don’t feel things like that – fear, or sadness or worry. They don’t feel things like that at all.’

‘That’s right,’ said Skylar. ‘If you follow good life practices, you can eliminate all of those things.’ She smiled beatifically. ‘And reach a plane of higher content.’

Carmen frowned.

‘That’s not what I mean at all,’ she said. ‘If you get frightened sometimes, or very sad, and you let it out – well, it means you’ll get the flipside too. Joy and happiness and excitement. The full range. End to end. It’s just life.’

The little girl looked at her.

‘Yes, with meditation and yoga you can smooth out the rough edges,’ added Skylar quickly.

Carmen couldn’t help it. She turned on her.

‘Why?’

‘What do you mean why?’ said Skylar. ‘Because it makes life better.’

‘Does it?’

Skylar tossed her long glossy hair behind her back.

‘What, you think it’s better your way?’ she said, a sneer crossing her lovely face. The children looked worried then at the bad feeling, and Carmen turned to leave, her heart beating fast.

‘Don’t know,’ said Carmen as she got up to leave the room and she wouldn’t have done it if she hadn’t been tired and jealous, and had a tendency to shoot her mouth off when she was disappointed, and she was to deeply, deeply regret it very, very soon.

‘Oh, by the way, Blair says hi,’ she said.

‘Really?’ said Skylar sweetly. ‘Because I was just speaking to him, and he didn’t mention you at all. Bye!’