The Chemistry of Love(9)

Not only that, and much as I didn’t want to admit it even to myself, this meant that I’d be able to get over that pesky nonfraternization rule. There wouldn’t be anything to stop Craig and me from being together. I loved him, he seemed interested in me, and I was going to clear the pathway for us.

I’d never tell anyone else that I’d thought that, though. The Craig thing was not my primary motivation. This was about how badly I’d been treated by Jerry. This was going to be my moment where I triumphed over my terrible boss. Living out my quitting fantasy. Taking back my life.

“Wish me luck,” I said, forcing my feet to move forward.

“Good luck!”

Every step felt like walking through quicksand with iron shoes. The old me didn’t want this—it was better to sit back and hope for better things instead of making it happen.

That’s what I’d always done, and it was how I’d ended up here. Time to shake up my life.

Jerry’s door was still open, and I walked into his office without knocking. He glanced up briefly and then looked back at his computer screen. “What?”

If he’d been even a little bit courteous or human in that moment, I might have reconsidered. Instead I screwed up all my courage, repeated the word happy as an internal mantra, and then said, “I’m giving you my two weeks’ notice.”

That got his attention. He said, “What?” for a second time, as if he hadn’t heard me.

So I repeated, “I’m giving you my two weeks’ notice.”

There. It was out in the world. There was no taking it back now.

I envisioned the next few minutes in my head. He would ask me why I was quitting, and I would get to tell him about all the awful things he’d done, how much he’d undervalued me as an employee these last four years, and how Catalina was right—I did deserve better. I queued up all my potential responses in my mind, ready to go.

Jerry leaned back in his chair, studying me. Like I was a butterfly he’d pinned to a board, still trying to flap my wings while being stuck in place. “Well, I don’t think there’s any reason to prolong this. If you’re quitting, you can clear out your desk today.”

Now I was the one saying, “What?” This felt too sudden. I mean, quitting spur-of-the-moment was definitely high on the spontaneous scale, but I thought I’d have time to ease into my new, brighter life. Look for another job while still holding on to this one.

I also thought I would get the chance to finally (FINALLY) speak my mind but was so flustered by his words that I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Give me your badge and pack up your things,” he said, emphasizing the first sound of each word. He went back to his computer, as if I didn’t matter to him at all. “I hope you’re not expecting to get a reference.”

I’d expect to solo a trek up Mount Everest before I’d expect a reference from this terrible man. I unclipped my badge from my front pocket and put it on his desk. Realizing that my moment to speak up had come and gone, I went back to my workstation. My ex-workstation, I mentally corrected myself.

I didn’t work here anymore.

Packing up the few things I had in my desk drawers took a surprisingly short amount of time. I was on autopilot, and then Catalina was there, asking me questions, but there was just this buzzing noise in my ears and I couldn’t really make out any distinct sounds. I grabbed the box of products she’d wanted me to try. I could still help with that.

“Anna, what happened?” Her words were finally clear.

“He told me to go home. To not wait the two weeks and be done today,” I said, for both my benefit and hers. So she would know, so I would register what had happened. My voice sounded muffled to me.

Then Daniel, the security guard, was there with a very apologetic look on his face. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jerry would call security on me, but I was.

“I’m sorry about this, Anna,” he said. “I have to escort you from the property.”

“Right. I get it.” He was only doing his job. Something I was no longer going to be doing.

I was unemployed.

Catalina asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’ll call you later,” I told her. For some reason, it was right then I realized that I wasn’t just quitting Minx Cosmetics—I was also leaving Catalina. Tears filled my eyes. “I’m not going to see you every day!”

“We will talk and text every day, just like we do now. And when you start your own successful business, you can hire me. I’ll be your right-hand woman.”

If I’d been able to laugh, I would have. That was such a pipe dream. One that I wanted but lacked the ability to turn into reality.

“Anna, we do have to go,” Daniel said, still sounding very sorry.

“Okay.” I didn’t want him to get in trouble. I hugged Catalina. “We’ll talk soon.”

“Definitely.”

I felt the stare of every other chemist in the room as I walked out for the final time. My throat was hot and tight. I would not cry in front of all these people. The least I could do was not give Jerry the satisfaction of making me break down in the middle of the lab.

Daniel walked me all the way down to the parking lot, opening all the locked doors in the building for me with his badge.

“You’ll find something else,” he said when we reached my car. “Take care, okay?”