The Cartographers(125)

But your mother was always impossible to say no to, too. God help me if you turn out to have even half of her stubbornness, half of her drive and brilliance. I already have no idea how I’m going to raise you by myself, terrified I’m going to do a horrible job, but your mother is convinced we’ll make it. I promised her that I would do anything in the world to protect you, no matter the cost.

And I will, Nell. I promise you that, too.

No matter what happens, whether in the end I tell you all of this or you read it, I promise that part, at least, will always be true.





It’s time, Nell.

You are so beautiful, as I look at you in your father’s arms. So perfect. I can hardly finish this letter because it means I have to turn away from you to do it.

We’ve had another week to prepare, after we came to our decision, but now that the night is finally here, it’s hard to believe it. The police case is closed, the house’s insurance policy has agreed to cover the accident, and our friends are just waiting for your father to leave Rockland behind before they do, too.

I’m not ready, but I have to be. The sun is threatening on the horizon here, which means dawn is flickering out there in the real world as well, and you have to be back to the motel before anyone notices. You have so much ahead of you. A whole life to live. A whole future to seize. And we have so much work to do to make sure you can.

I have to stop writing now, because it’s my last chance to kiss you goodbye as many times as you’ll let me, sweet Nell. How many times in just a few minutes can I tell you both that I love you? Because we have only minutes now, before I have to watch your father carry you back down that dirt road, fold the map up, and separate us for what could be months, or years, or even longer. I don’t know how I’m going to survive that moment. Only that I must. That one, and all the ones after it.

I will do the only thing I can.

I will draw.

I will work on this map, to make it as perfect as possible, and wait for the day it is safe for you both to return.

You will always be our Cartographer, Nelly.

I’ve always believed that the purpose of a map is to bring people together. We forgot that with the one Wally and I found, but maybe I can change that. Maybe I can save things.

I hope someday, this one I will make here for you will bring us all back together again.

Love always,

Your parents





XXVI




Nell looked up from the letter at last, her eyes shimmering.

“I’m so sorry, Nell,” her mother whispered.

But Nell shook her head. “I understand,” she said, as her mother enfolded her into another embrace. “I understand now.”

She pressed the letter to her heart as she hugged Tamara back. Even though he was gone, her father had still managed to speak to her again, to tell her everything, in the end. He’d still managed to say goodbye to her.

When they let go, Nell reached into her pocket and pulled out the fountain pen Humphrey had given her. The little etching on its side her mother had done all those years ago, next to the University of Wisconsin logo, caught the light.

“You still have it,” her mother said, surprised. She was smiling, despite the grimness of the moment.

“It’s yours,” Nell said, holding it out.

But her mother pushed it gently back to her. “I made it for you. You’re a Cartographer, too.”

A small, dry sound echoed through the factory. A laugh, or the ghost of one. “Exactly,” Wally said. He was staring at the pen as well. “That’s right. We all are.”

“No,” Tamara said, but he cut her off.

“No? Who was the one who kept that name alive, all these decades? Who was the one searching for a way back in, no matter the odds?” His teeth flashed—Nell couldn’t tell if it was a smile or a grimace. “Ramona, Francis, Eve, Bear. Did any of them refuse to accept that you were gone? Did any of them come looking for you?”

“That’s because Daniel—”

“Yes, Daniel.” Wally sneered. “Even after all this time, you still take his side. Who was the one who agreed to let you languish in solitude for decades, away from the world, away from your family, and who was the one who spent his life trying to save you from that fate? To save this place?”

“You heard the letter, Wally,” Tamara replied quietly. “You know it was my idea. All of it.”

For a long moment, Wally didn’t say anything. He stared at her, smoldering with betrayal, his pupils so large and dark, they swallowed his pale eyes. Nell clutched her mother’s map and fountain pen in one hand and the letter in the other, waiting breathlessly to see which way his reaction would go.

But Wally didn’t become angry or upset. He turned back to the waiting scanner on top of the printing press and stroked its pristine surface gently, almost lovingly.

“I forgive you, Tam,” he finally said. “It isn’t your fault. You’ve been here so long, you don’t know what I’ve spent my life trying to achieve. Let me show you. Once you see, you’ll understand. You’ll see I was right all along. That I still can fix everything.”

“It’s too late,” Felix said to him. “It’s been too late for a long time.”

But Wally ignored him and turned back to Tamara. “Once we combine them, the Dreamer’s Atlas will be complete. With the only copy, our map will be as close to the world as you can get. It almost will be the world, in a way. We can do whatever we want with it.”