The Candid Life of Meena Dave(82)

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE


The apartment was clear of most everything. Meena kept only the dining table and chairs. It was where she’d started her journey from that first meal with the aunties to now, where she could see the steady view of the garden and the street. She looked forward to the familiarity of it as seasons changed.

In the last two weeks, she and Sam had hauled out, binned, boxed up, and donated all Neha’s things. Last week she’d bought a brand-new bed, one with a headboard—which was a sign that you’ve crossed into your thirties, according to the internet. She’d decided her bedroom would be neutral, in grays and whites, throw pillows adding a little bit of color. Sam didn’t understand why beds needed throw pillows, so she’d texted him links to half a dozen design articles. She’d gone with bright purples from deep to lavender. Instead of the vanity, she’d added two armchairs in gray, one on either side of the fireplace.

For the living room, she wanted something that complemented the bones of the apartment with a modern flair. She would slowly add to the bookshelves. For now there were colorful candle jars to give them a less empty feeling. The sofa would be the centerpiece in deep navy, and there would be a Dutch-style oblong coffee table in light wood and a gray armchair on either side of the fireplace as a nod to symmetry. She’d splurged on a worktable, switching out the antique desk for one with a clean, flat design and an ergonomic chair. The gray rug was replaced by a thick white one that covered the whole of the room. Wally would likely get it dirty, but she wanted the room to feel bright and open. All of it had taken a toll on her savings, but it was worth it. She had a home. Not just a base.

She even had a local assignment, a feature on kundalini yoga in the Berkshires in western Massachusetts. Meena looked out into the backyard from her seat at her new desk. It was too soon to tell, but the patch of grass where she’d sown the wildflower seeds was beginning to regain color after winter hibernation. She looked forward to seeing what would grow.

Plans. Future. Not the “wait and see if I’m still here” type. She was committed to tending to the patch of flowers. Just as she’d joined Sam’s pub trivia league with his friends. She had more than ten personal, nonwork, nonnetwork contacts in her phone, including Ava and Dinus.

She watched as Wally ran around the yard. Sam was giving him a little more freedom by leaving him in the yard on his own. She waited for Sabina to charge down and stop the dog from digging against the back fence.

There was a soft knock on her door.

“Come in,” Meena said.

Sabina came in, a folder in her hands. “I’m hoping we could talk.”

Meena moved to greet her. “Of course. Would you like chai? Or something to drink?” Now that she’d put it all behind her, she was fine with being casual and friendly with the aunties. She might still wonder . . . she might still look for a sense of familiarity . . . but she planned to focus on what she had and let the rest of it go.

Sabina stayed still in the living room. “It looks different.”

Meena nodded. “It’s more me now. Though I didn’t know what ‘me’ was. I’m just glad there are a lot of home decor blogs with advice. You won’t believe how many quizzes I took to figure out what I wanted. I like it.” She chewed her lip. She didn’t want Sabina’s approval, exactly, but a compliment would be meaningful. “Sam likes it, but then again, he’s not really a style maven. He’s happy that he can stretch his legs out and rest his feet on the coffee table. He also wants me to get a TV, a giant flat-screen, but he has his own. I’m fine using my computer.” She forced herself to stop talking.

“You’ve been very busy.” There was weight in Sabina’s voice, an uncertainty.

“I know it’s different, but it was time. I’ve been here for a little over six months.”

“Yes,” Sabina said. “And Neha died a year ago this week.”

She hadn’t realized the time. She would need to call the lawyers and figure out what needed to be done in order for her to take full ownership. “I’m sorry. It must be hard for you,” Meena said. “All of you. If my clearing this out causes you more pain, it wasn’t my intention.”

Sabina cleared her throat. “In our culture, we have a little ceremony and a meal to mark the death anniversary. There is a sraddha puja, at the mandir. It’s to clear the path for the deceased and link their souls to their forefathers. The family schedules and performs it. We have a slot at the mandir for tomorrow morning. Thursday is an auspicious day.”

“I see. Sam didn’t mention it.”

Sabina shook her head. “None of the men are coming. It will be only Uma, Tanvi, and me there. It’s our duty to fulfill, as Neha doesn’t have family here. I talked to her parents, and they’re not planning on doing anything.”

Meena nodded.

Sabina straightened her spine and walked up to Meena. “I know that you are trying to make a go of it here, that you want to stay. I’m here to ask you to reconsider.”

Meena sat down. “Why?”

“You told me time and again that your career is important, that you enjoy traveling from place to place. I think you might have gotten caught up in this building, the story of it. We are happy to know you, but you should think about what you’re giving up.”