The Bookseller(11)

I turn and press against him, feel his hardness against my thigh. I hesitate. And then, remembering that I’m only dreaming, and therefore nothing I say or do actually matters, I ask him, “What time is it? Do we . . . can we . . .” I stammer, not sure exactly how to find the words, even in this not-at-all-real world.

“If we’re quick.” He smiles. “I love Saturdays.”

And so we begin to make love fiercely, furtively, the way I imagine married couples do when they find themselves with a few moments to spare in the early morning. They must do it quickly, before the children awake.

He caresses the length of me, tenderly, with experienced, gifted hands. Unbuttoning the top two buttons of my nightgown, he presses his lips to my nipples. I arch my back to meet him, moaning softly. I had forgotten how miraculous this feels.

He places himself fully inside me, and I move my hips—slowly at first, and then gaining momentum as I become at ease with the feeling of his length inside me. My climax comes hard and fast, more powerful than any other sexual moment in my memory. I am astounded at how strongly I feel the sensations of it, all the way through my body. I cry out, and then I bite my lip, afraid I might be making too much noise.

He goes on, his breath quickening, and I can feel his heart pounding against my chest. And then, abruptly, he slows his pace until he is almost, but not quite, still.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, alarmed. “Are you all right?”

He speeds up slightly, his strokes quicker but not nearly as rapid as before my climax. “I’m okay,” he says. “I just needed to . . . slow down . . .”

I am silent, moving with him, altering my rhythm to the change in his.

After he comes, he slides off me, adjusts the fabric tie of his pajama trousers around his waist, and lies quietly by my side. I pull my nightgown down over my legs, curl up next to him, and put my hand on his chest.

His heart is pounding. “Are you all right?” I ask him again.

“I’m fine.” He smiles, turning to face me. “You know how I have to slow down sometimes . . . it’s easier if I do . . .”

“Easier . . . how?” I ask carefully.

He taps his chest, his fingers warm against mine. “Easier here,” he says. “It’s easier on my heart.” He draws me close and whispers, “You know this, love.”

Neither of us says anything for a moment. I watch him carefully as his breath slows to a regular pace.

“It was wonderful.” I tell him. “It felt so . . . satisfying.” I grimace. He must think I’m nuts.

“You were intense,” he said. “As if it had been a while. But it hasn’t been.” He looks thoughtful. “Only a few days, right?”

If only he knew. “Well, I suppose it just feels that way for me sometimes.”

There is a hesitant tap on the door, which is ajar. A small voice says, “I knocked. Just like you want me to. I remembered, and I knocked.”

Lars smiles. “Come on in, buddy,” he calls.

The door opens fully, and towheaded Mitch sidles in, coming directly to my side of the bed and standing next to it. “It’s after seven,” he reports.

“So it is.” Lars glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand.

“I waited, just like you asked me to.”

“Good job,” I say.

I am not sure if this is allowed—who am I to know the rules of this house?—but nonetheless I am overtaken by the urge to snuggle with this child. I throw back the covers and invite Mitch in. He eagerly climbs onto the bed, wraps the coverlet around his legs, and puts his arms around my neck.

“Did you go potty?” I ask him, at the same time wondering what gave me the presence of mind to even think of something like that. Mitch nods.

“You’re the only one up?” Lars asks, and the boy nods again. Lars rises from the bed. “Go get a book, buddy,” he says. “Mama will read to you in bed. Won’t you, love?”

“Of course I will.” I lift myself up and get comfy against the pillows.

Lars leans over to kiss me. “I’ll get breakfast started.”


And so it is that I find myself in a charming, stylish bedroom, with a soft snowfall outside, snuggled with what has to be the most delightful little boy on the planet, reading a book about transportation.

Vehicles, it seems, are Mitch’s thing. All kinds of them. Airplanes. Trains. Antique autos. Ocean liners. “I’m going to be an ocean liner captain someday,” he tells me proudly. “I’ll sail around the world, and my family will come along and you’ll have first-class cabins.” I smile and hug him a bit tighter.

We are deep in the evolution of train travel—did you know that the first steam engine was built in 1804 by Englishman Richard Trevithick? I didn’t, before today—when the door opens again and Missy enters the room. “Daddy says it’s almost time for breakfast,” she tells us. She twirls for me in a pink nightgown with a princess in a yellow dress appliquéd on the front.

She leans over for a kiss. After obliging, I ask her, “How was your first night in your new princess gown?” How did I know that?

Her grin is enormous. “It was swell. It’s so comfy, and when I woke up in the middle of the night and the princess was right there on my tummy, it made it so easy to go right back to sleep.” Missy gives me a quick squeeze. “Thanks again, Mama,” she says. “You’re the best sew-er-er!”